Pep's Thoughtful Spot

Oh well...

2010-01-08T23:19:00.004-05:00

Let's face it.... since my baby boy came into the world, I've become the world's worse blogger.

To help make a difference, I tried a DAILY PHOTO CHALLENGE. I failed.

Oh well.. sorry Blog Buddies.

I hope you still love me?

Photo Challenge for Monday, January 4, 2010

2010-01-05T01:49:00.004-05:00

This is my Samuel, exactly 10 months ago. Taken the day after we brought him home.

2010 Photo Challenge

2010-01-03T22:16:00.009-05:00

I heard about the Photo Challenge, which involves posting a photo everyday for the entire year. What a great way to encourage me to keep up on my blog.

Being that today is the 3rd day of the year, I'll post 3 to make up for lost time.

And, I challenge all my blogger friends to join in.... it's not too late.

Samuel at home on New Year's Eve:

Saturday, January 2 ... Daddy, Samuel & Jaxon in Lakewood:

Sunday, January 3 . . . Samuel sleeping after a very long day with Mamma:

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T22:16:00.005-05:00

Samuel at 10 months

2009-12-21T23:05:00.003-05:00

It's official....I've becomes a terrible blogger. Funny how things changed when SRT came into our lives. Priorities change, interests change... everything changes. And now, it's Christmas.. all around us. I'll be back to post Christmas photos. For now, here's my BOY at 10 mths.

Halloween

2009-11-08T14:09:00.004-05:00

Try double clicking the collage for a better view!

Fall 2009

2009-11-07T20:43:00.006-05:00

I need to blog. It's been a while since I've paid attention. And.. I need to keep up a better connection to all my Blogging friends. Although my life is rather busy right now, I will try to take a few moments here and there to up-date you all on the happenings in the life of Samuel's Mommy ;) Who, BTW, will be 9 months old very soon.

For tonight I'd like to share photos from our day at the Pumpkin Farm and Park. What a fun outting it was for all 3 of us.

Samuel's 6 Month Photos :)

2009-10-03T14:46:00.012-04:00

I know I've been a terrible blogger lately. Soon I will submit a post of showing you all what I have been up to! In the meantime, I would like to share some of Samuel's most recent photos.
Being his Mom is the best! I love him sooooo much. Enjoy!

I long more for Heaven than I ever did before...

2009-08-17T12:14:00.006-04:00

On Sunday, August 9, 10:13 PM...

My Dad went home to meet Jesus face-to-face after a lengthy illness. There was great relief in knowing he is now pain free, seeing his life clearly in ways only you and I can imagine. A man who hasn't stood on his own 2 feet in 15 months is walking streets of gold. Praise God for this time a celebration. A time to remember his life, his journey here on earth as a son, husband, father, grandfather, uncle, friend, etc...

A quiet man, with a generous heart. Always looking out for others. That is how I will remember him.

BUT, it still hurts. Bad. He will be deeply missed. Losing a loved one is never easy, never.
Losing a parent is in a class of it's own. It gives death a new meaning, gives life a new meaning, the aches reach the depths of our soul.

Dad fought the good fight. The battle wasn't easy .... and yet I never heard him complain. Instead he greeted all visitors with a smile. Nurses often remarked on how much they enjoyed his presence.

I am thankful beyond measure Dad met Samuel, once he even held him in his arms. The smiles the two exchanged as I held him over the bed will never, ever be forgotten. See, Dad was our # 1 fan when it came to adoption. He often reminded us we'd get a baby boy.. something Dad always knew deep in his heart.

As I write this, I can't help but think in less than 6 short months, I received the biggest blessing of my life, my son Samuel and felt the great loss of my life, the death of my Dad. It's hard to understand right now, but I know God makes no mistakes and I am thankful for these few short months.

Dad's in Heaven now.. a place I long for more than ever before. Jesus has overcome.

5 months ago tonight ...

2009-08-02T17:15:00.004-04:00

5 months ago today we were preparing for our trip to pick up our baby from the adoption agency. Since then our life has been all about Samuel . . .our beautiful, healthy, happy, giddy adopted baby boy. He's quickly become the focus of our days .. and has made our lives complete.

Samuel is doing great. He's on target with everything, really. He sleeps like a Prince. . up to 11 hours a night (waking once for a quick bottle) and naps 2 - 3 times a day.

Although Samuel needed special "colic" formula for his first few months, we've recently reintroduced S imilac S ensitive and it's working out just fine! He also does very well with rice cereal and butternut squash! This week he start sweet potatoes. I can't wait til we start fresh fruits ... like avacados and bananas! :)

I am back to work. Samuel loves going to work with Mamma! He is so happy there ... and loves being in on the action. I see him frequently throughout the afternoon. Some days he stays with Grandma, too. They are such good buddies! And, I think it's good he spends some time with her.

So, all in all ... our little man is doing wonderfully! What an answer to our prayers!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

2009-07-27T03:10:00.002-04:00

It took 2 posts to show you some of my favorites so be sure to read the previous post as well.

And a few taken today . . .

Full

2009-07-27T02:49:00.004-04:00

My life is FULL ... of joys! I realize I need to start blogging again. And, I will ..soon. We are feeling blessed beyond measure and cherishing every day with Samuel! In the meantime, some "favorite" pix of Samuel.

Time flys when you're having fun...

2009-05-16T16:39:00.009-04:00

2 months old and ours forever!

2009-04-17T01:16:00.004-04:00

Samuel turned 2 months old on Monday. It was 6 weeks ago Tuesday he was placed in our arms.

Our hearts are full and running over with love for our little boy. He is so precious! It has been so wonderful to watch him grow. He's gained 3 lbs, 7 oz. since birth. He does great with holding up and turning his head, following voices and people as they move around, responding to Mommy and Daddy, smiling, etc.. His first "real" smile was at about 6 weeks; his first laugh at 8 weeks.

We've put away the "preemie" and most "newborn" clothing .

Overnights were tough for the longest time. Samuel would try so hard to sleep, but obvious stomach discomfort made sleeping very hard for him. After a few changes in formula, we've found one that is much gentler on his system. He takes 3 -4 ounces of S.imilac S.ensitive every 3 -4 hours during his waking hours. The past few nights he slept 5-7 hours without waking for a bottle. Following the advice of our pediatrician, we give him a small dose of gas drops 1 hour before each feeding. I also keep G.ripe Water on hand .. which can be very calming. We also add 1/2 tsp. of dark K.ayro syrup to each bottle to help with bowel movements.

So, all in all, we have a smiley, happy baby we are totally in love with!

I don't believe I mentioned this in earlier posts, but Samuel's birthmother signed a "ex.tra-judical surre.nder" which granted her 45 days to change her mind, once that 45 days was passed, the adoption would become irrevocable. On Easter Sunday we celebrated the 45th day!
We are rejoicing and thanking God he is ours FOREVER!

Samuel's First Easter 2009

2009-04-13T08:47:00.003-04:00

Hoo-Ray for H.oughton College!

2009-03-29T16:42:00.005-04:00

Looks like my niece is H.oughton bound! The fun part about it is that's where I went to College. I am so happy for her! Check out the memento she brought back for Samuel:

Smile!

2009-03-24T00:11:00.001-04:00

Daddy caught a smile on camera!

I love..

2009-03-21T14:59:00.003-04:00

I love...

Hanging out with my boy, Samuel Riley! :-)

2009-03-18T20:01:00.004-04:00

My child is all I ever dreamt he'd be. Masterfully created by God, he is so precious .. so perfect.

Knowing him, loving him and being his mom is amazing.

We are a family now. We feel completely blessed.

At 4 weeks old, his personality is developing. He's calm, sweet, laid back and loving. A very gentle soul.

I am astonished by his presence.

The Journey of Many Hearts

2009-03-14T03:34:00.006-04:00

In that moment, quiet surrounded me. It was as if time actually stood still. My breath caught. My heart stopped. Slowly, gently, I wrapped you in my arms. I felt the steady rhythm of your heart next to mine. Softly, I pressed my cheek to yours, closed my eyes and exhaled... In the stillness of that quiet miracle, I held you, my son, for the very first time. In that moment at last, the journey of many hearts beat as one. And you were home.

- Author Unknown

Samuel's First Couple of Days Home

2009-03-12T00:47:00.006-04:00

Samuel's first few days with us were "trial and error" ... but considering the life changing event "he and we" went through, we all did phenominal, really.
It seemed none of us slept that night, literally. Since I hadn't actually slept much since "The Call" on Thursday, I was rather wiped out.

I was falling in love with Samuel and feeling over the top overwhelmed! Brian and I had gone from a couple to a family in just a few short days. Well wishers meant well, so well ...
everyone was falling in love with Samuel. But, I went through a day of feeling smothered, tired, worn out and I just needed some time to gather my thoughts and get some rest.
My brother and sister-in-law were here from Cleveland. They stepped in and managed the home, baby, phone, etc. while we attemped to catch some rest. Notice I said "rest" because I don't think I truly ever went to "sleep".

Since then it's been all up hill. We couldn't be happier. Samuel is a good baby - I mean so good I feel guilty! ;) He's pleasant, happy, smiley (for real, not gas, ha), content.

I have experienced "Mom instincts" I didn't expect. So surreal. I find myself wanting to protect him and love him FOREVER! We spend alot of time bonding. We sing, cuddle and kiss as much as we can. I can honestly say there are absolutely NO bonding issues, as a matter of fact, I find it to be quite the opposite.

Samuel is a miracle from God. Our wait was long and painful, but I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I can see now, God was busy perfecting our son. I thank God every day for this baby. . . we have been richly blessed.

More On Placement Day

2009-03-11T13:13:00.005-04:00

Once Samuel was introduced to us we were given a few moments quiet time. We fed him, changed him and prepped for the ride home. I had taken a special newborn layette outfit, but it was TOO big for his tiny little body.

The ride home was great! I sat in the back with Samuel while BT drove. From the moment Samuel was placed in my arms I felt fine, great actually. No more tummy ache. So our first stop was Wendy's drive-thru for a single burger and diet coke!

We stopped at a service area for gas, and to feed, change and hold him. The drive home seemed to take forever. Baby slept... I spent time texting pix to family who were all waiting for his arriveal home.
When we arrived home, Samuel was greeted by a stork on the lawn and a sign in the window.

Inside our immediately family was waiting to meet him. Everyone was so happy, so excited, so in love. I wish there were words to describe the emotions!

My sister decorated the inside of our home for Samuel's homecoming. Everyone stayed for dinner. We had Olive Garden lasagna, tossed salad and garlic bread. My mother-in-law brought a cake from Wegmans. So fun and so yummy!

Samuel "Asked of God"

2009-03-08T23:58:00.007-04:00

March 3, 2009 - Placement Day

At approximately 12 noon, Baby Samuel Riley was placed in my arms.

I'll do my best to explain how the moments enfolded . . but I know my words won't come close to the joy we experienced.

Barely able to sleep the night before, we were up promptly at 6 AM, with plans to leave for the agency by 7:30 AM. All the stress, nervousness, etc. caught up to me and I got a nervous stomach that not only caused us to leave late, but required a few unexpected stops on the New York State Thruway. Our appointment was for 10 AM. We were late. I felt horrible. But the ladies at our agency were great.

We were greeted at the door and taken back to the counseling room to read, review and sign necessary paperwork. I vividly remember trying to sign my name for the first time. My hand was so weak and shaky! Once the adoptive parent worker went over everything with us, the birthparent worker came in to talk to us.

She told us about Samuel's birthmom! She's a brave, strong, loving woman who wanted the best for Samuel. Her plan was solid. She wanted him placed with a couple who waited a long, long time and had no other children. She chose not to have contact of any kind. No phone calls, letters, cards, etc. We loved all the things the agency shared with us regarding her life, wishes, future goals, etc.. I can't stop thinking about her and the gift she gave us. I may never be given the opportunity to thank her myself, but she will forever be in my thoughts and prayers.

One thing the worker stressed over and over was how much she loved Samuel and that we should always assure him of her love.

Then it was time for Samuel's foster family to bring him in! I remember the room quickly filling with people and camera flashes all over the place, but what I remember most was this image of the foster mother walking into the room with our boy.

Once Samuel was placed in our arms, things were pretty quiet as we all shared a loving, emotional moment. Samuel's foster Mom talked to me about his likes and dislikes.

Once things calmed down everyone stood in a circle holding hands as a prayer was offered.

Samuel squirmed and made his presence known during the prayer (too cute).

I am so glad we had the opportunity to meet the family who cared for our son for the first two weeks of his life. They're a fine, Christian family whom I am sure took very good care of him.

I must admit, my heart went to my throat as they said their "good-byes" and I heard one of them whisper to Samuel, "Have a good life" with such sincerity.

1 Samuel 1:27

2009-03-01T11:46:00.005-05:00

A verse of scripture found in 1 SAMUEL reads, "For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him".

The name SAMUEL means "Asked of God".

What better baby boy name could I ask for?

Our little boy will be known as "Samuel Riley"

2009-02-28T07:39:00.003-05:00

I just can't sleep. Everything is so surreal.

I am amazed. Completely and totally amazed at the excitement, love and support from those around me.

The words, "This is the call you've been waiting for" echo through my brain over and over.

It was 4:49 PM, I was in my office at work, preparing a proposal for a Universal Pre-K program.
The phone rang, PRIVATE showed up on Caller ID. Normally, I do not answers the phone at that time of day, but Gail had run up to the restroom. When I saw PRIVATE CALLER, I had a fleeting thought it could be Linda. But, quite honestly, for the past 4 years, my heart would skip a beat with every PRIVATE CALLER that came up!

I wish I could remember more of our conversation. Most of it is a blur, as I was crying and working hard to keep my composure. One other thing I remember rather clearly was Linda telling me our birthmother wishes. She wanted him to go to a couple who has waited a long, long time and had no other children!! Oh, and she told me she hadn't seen him yet, but the buzz around the agency was that he is tiny and beautiful!

We hung up the phone and I wept and wept and wept. I wanted so bad to be with Brian right then, but he was home sleeping. I called his cell. I called home. After several attempts it was clear he was not waking up. The reason I did not just head home was because I didn't feel I could concentrate on driving. Anyhow, I finally decided I had to tell! When I called my Mom she offered to walk to our house and walk Brian up! Poor guy thought something was on fire.
Once he realized "the fire" was actually news of a baby boy, he came over to my office for what little details I knew.

We came home. The phones rang like crazy! Thanks to very excited family members and my Facebook status, word spread quick.

We have so much to do! Thank God for my baby sister whose done this twice already. She's already shopped for clothes. Last night she took all the baby laundry to my Mom's to wash and sort. Today she and her husband are coming over to finish up the laundry and give me a chance to work on other areas of the house. I know it sounds wierd that they are doing the rest of the nursery and not us, but I just can't think. I go in there and all I can do is stare. Seriously, I am so grateful.

Oh, we're much closer to deciding on his name. Actually, I believe it's official, but not really OFFICIAL until I tell Linda. So, we will wait on announcing his name.

So, my dear blog friends, on Tuesday morning at 7 AM, we will leave to pick up our son. We have a 2 1/2 - 3 hour drive each way, so it will make for a long, long day. But what a joyful day that will be!

I am a Mom, finally a MOM!!!!!!
I can say that already, right?

It's A Boy!

2009-02-27T00:29:00.006-05:00

News Flash!

At 4:49 PM Thursday afternoon, our adoptive parent counselor called me at work.

After our brief "hello's", she said "This is the call you have been waiting for."

Yes, my friends, we got THE CALL.

Our precious, healthy, baby boy was born on Feb. 13, 2009.

He's a tiny little guy, weighing in at 5 lb., 12 oz.

We're picking him up on Tuesday.

I wept ... for an hour.

We have a son whom we will welcome into our arms in 5 days.

No, life doesn't get any sweeter.

Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I <3 Facebook....

2009-02-15T13:00:00.004-05:00

LOL ...

Yes, Blogger Friends, I <3> Facebook. If you're a member and we haven't connected, please let me know. I'd love to connect with you, too!

Happy Valentine's Day . . .

2009-02-14T12:39:00.001-05:00

Time and time again, life seems to stop for a few brief moments, whether by a tragedy or a miracle, to remind us how fragile life really is. Thoughts of those we love and care about seem to flood our brains and make us wonder if we've shown them how much they mean to us. Perhaps I am feeling a bit emotional after the recent plane crash just a few miles from home. Perhaps it's an accumulation of a series of events I've experienced the past few years. Perhaps it's a whisper in my heart from God. Whatever it may be, I want to take the time to appreciate life and to know I've shown kindness and love to those around me. Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

How could I be 44?

2009-01-31T16:17:00.005-05:00

I've been busy!

I am breathing a sigh of relief today. Our day care license was good through today. The renewal process was long and tedious. But, we're in great shape and good to go for another two years. Just before "inspection day" we had a minor castastrophe caused by a pipe breaking on the floor above us. Damages weren't too bad. But it caught us at a time when things needed to be "perfect" for the inspector! As a result of the incident, we had to replace carpeting, repair damages to walls, replace ceiling tiles and replace toys we were unable to recover. When it rains, it pours . . .literally! ;)

No news to pass on regarding the adoption. Last I spoke to our worker she said things have picked up since December. A part of me wants to send our profile to the lawyer we spoke with and the other part doesn't want to set myself up for more disappointments. I guess I am guarding my heart from emotions. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing?

Like everyone else around the country, we're experiencing a rough winter in WNY. I cannot believe how much snow we have! It's rather amazing. And..it just keeps coming!

My 44th birthday was yesterday! We started celebrating on Monday with my mother-in-law. Our birthdays are 4 days apart, so we celebrate together. I made a cake- not too impressive - but she loved it. Yesterday my staff put together a spread of good food! We had taco soup, Buffalo chicken wing dip, pasta salad, cheesecake, ice cream cake and puffed pastry! Last night my sister made her homemade sweet-n-sour chicken over brown rice and my other sister made some delightful cupcakes! They are so talented! We pulled out the Monopoly board and played 'til 2:00 AM. It had been years since I played, but it was just as fun as ever.

I promised myself I'd get some cleaning accomplished today, so I best stick to it.

Here are some photos of the cupcakes. Sorry they are a tad blurred, I took them with a cell phone.

The Shack

2009-01-14T23:26:00.003-05:00

I finished reading "The Shack" this morning. Personally, I found it to be enlightening, thoughtprovoking...just incredible! There was sooo much to read and understand ... that I am going to start over and read it again. This time I am hoping to catch more of what I may not have understood or simply missed. I don't want to give way to the story line so I will just recommend it as a must read. I am glad I read it and can sincerely say it was life changing in the best way. My relationship with God will never be the same and I can assure it will do the same for you.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T13:21:00.005-05:00

Happy New Year to all of you in Bloggerland! It's been a bittersweet year for the T's, as you all know so well just from reading my blog, chatting, etc. As the year came to a close, I honestly stopped to think about our life in 2008 and the tears started to well. It was hard... I know there are others who face far more and I have, still, many blessing to count. I don't want to sounds selfish. But, I will not lie - it was the hardest of my 40 some years. That is not to say it will be my hardest year ever. BUT... it is ok. I've learned so much, I've grown, I appreciate life far more than before and I love life, yes I do. May the new year bring sweet surprises. May I continue to find appreciation for the little things. May my love for family and friends grow in leaps and bounds. May I continue to fall in love with BT over and over again. May I marvel in God's work. May my business grow as God uses me to touch such small lives. May I help someone far less fortunate. May I have good health. May our baby be places in our arms!

Cheers to 2009!

I also want to thank you for your wonderful and sweet replies to my last post! They meant a lot to me.

One thing I've always worked hard at is keeping my spirits up. Without God that would be impossible. So, truly it is He who gets the credit. But I am not perfect, I am just another sinner in an imperfect world. I have a long way to go. The amazing part is how I can try to work things out in my own ways but when the tough gets going, He is RIGHT THERE waiting. What better friend could we ask for than that?

So as we walk this path, often the path less chosen, may we walk with strength,endurance and character and when we stumble along the way may our good friends be there to pick us up and remind us it's ok to have a meltdown once in a while! Yes..it is.

Did you ever stop to think God must really love you because He called YOU to embark upon a journey that is "different" and "remarkable?" He knew you had what it would take and your love, strength, commitment, peace, faith, etc. would shine for others to see! I think that's pretty special! So, when you're down and out ..go ahead ... have a meltdown ..a big old meltdown.. it's God's way of recharging us and keeping our spirit alive for the best is yet to come!

I think so, anyhow.

PS Janet - So good to hear from you! What happened to your blog? I've missed you! :-)

Meltdown!

2008-12-31T00:33:00.006-05:00

I am surprised I am posting this as I had decided not to. I didn't want to rehash the emotions. But as I read other blogs of "adoptive Mommies in waiting" I could feel their pain, understand their tears and realize it's ok to have a meltdown once in while! Why sweeten it up? It is what it is .. a very difficult and painful journey that will someday find a happy ending. But in the meantime, it just sucks.

Christmas was so hard for many of us. I know my emotions were running in many directions. BT was working Christmas Eve, I was home alone ...surrounded by last minute things to be done. I had a meltdown! Yes, I did. A MAJOR MELTDOWN. Tears, outbursts, you name it.

I was feeling sorry for myself. It's been an incredibly tough year. I've rolled with the punches and done what I needed to get through. I walked the halls of 5 hospitals and 3 rehab facilities night after night, often into late hours. I've seen my father go from a strong, solid man to a completely dependent nursing home patient. My mother's health has declined. And still is declining. Her heart simply isn't doing it's job. My business has felt the loss of my time and energy. My husband has often been cast aside. My closest friends have stood in the background. We had a few adoption situations, none of which placed a baby in our arms. I couldn't help but cry out, "What have I done so wrong?" And I wondered outloud "Why me, Lord?"

God couldn't give me the answers to my questions. It isn't for me to figure out. He did allow me to cleanse my soul, to let go of all those negative emotions. Now it is up to me to continue trusting Him with all my being, knowing He has the perfect plan and the perfect baby just for us! It isn't always easy to Let Go and Let God, but it's certainly something we all need to do. How much easier it will be to leave the worrying to God and enjoy my life the way it is right now! To take the time to recognize and savor the blessings all around us that are too often overlooked. This is truly all He asks of me.

In the meantime, my faith remains..unwavered. And, I am thankful for my meltdown (did I really say that?)

For those of you who are waiting, we share a common bond. Our feelings are real. We are entitled! God is good. Let Go! Trust Him. We'll be ok! Stick together. Cry when you want to! Laugh everyday. Dream! Pray. Call a friend! Hug someone! Make a difference in the world. And...Keep Looking Up! :-)

I'll do the same.

A Neat Story....

2008-12-27T21:26:00.005-05:00

This is a neat little story I wanted to put in writing, just because you never know.

A few nights ago I was in bed, BT was working. It was very late and I should of been asleep. A thought came to me. We really haven't decided on baby names! I began to wonder what would happen if we got a call and didn't have a name picked out? When suddenly a name popped in my head (both first and middle). It's a name I never thought about and one I clearly glanced over when browsing baby name books. It's not on my list - but I fell in love with it! I shared this with Brian the next day - and he loves it! We've decided to keep the name a secret! Afterall, perhaps there is something behind what happened!

The next day, BT and I were shopping at Target. While browing the Christmas aisle, I thought about purchasing an angel ornament to hang and leave up until we get our baby. I didn't think it would be so hard to find a simple angel! Finally, I found one small, shiny, silver angel hanging alone. The odd thing is ... I didn't buy it. After holding it and pausing to think about where our little one might be, I hung it back on the shelf and walked away. The next day at work, I received a small package from a family at my center. Inside was the angel I had seen at Target! I couldn't believe it!

Maybe I am being silly, but I truly think these little messages provide hope... that our baby is coming and hope to get me through the holidays!

Just wanted to share.

C H R I S T mas

2008-12-27T16:32:00.008-05:00

C H R I S T mas .....

We all (with the exception of my brother and his family) met at Mom's for brunch which included broccoli/cheese quiche, orange french toast, fresh fruit salad, Preacher Ham and lots of sweet goodies. We grew up on Preacher Ham from Mom's hometown Kentucky! We are so thankful they ship hams all over the US... and the service to great!

Our gift exchange was simplified...we drew names. BT and I received a certificate for a night in a Jacuzzi suite with dinner for two and breakfast for two at a new place in town called Salvatore's Grand. Of course, we can't wait to go! It will be a nice break after a very difficult year.

We visited Dad at the home but unfortunately he was wiped out... probably a result of pain meds. He doesn't remember us being there. OH!....BT and I found an awesome 15" digital photo frame! We're filling it with family pictures and setting it to run continuously in his room. He is going to LOVE it.

BT worked Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and the day after. . and he's now working the weekened. We haven't had a chance to celebrate and our gifts to eachother remain unwrapped.

It's been very hard on me to accept his schedule. . always working weekends . . always working holidays. But as those of you in Buffalo already know, they've been letting on-air personalities go and even offered the union employees a buy-out. So, we're just thankful BT is still working and getting the hours. We're hoping and praying all the changes will give BT a better schedule for the new year.

Most importantly, the reason for this wonderful holiday remains the same and has not been forgotten. Christ loved us all enough to send his infant Son to the world; promising those of us who believe in Him eternal life! What better gift is there than that? And to think it was made possible through one tiny child.

Merry Christmas To All ....

2008-12-24T21:03:00.008-05:00

And to ALL a good-night!

I am leaving you with just a glimpse of little ones at my center. Christmas truly is all about the children.... As it should be. Afterall, it all started because of one very small child.

Would anyone like to guess who the man is in the Red Suit? ;)

Jaxon & Santa

2008-12-15T11:35:00.001-05:00

My adorable nephew with Santa!
Life doesn't get any better than this! ;)
Am I a proud Aunt or what?

Just A Little Up-date

2008-12-13T14:49:00.004-05:00

BT called our SW yesterday. If I had to come up with one word to describe the call, I would say "discouraging" would be the perfect fit.

Let me give you a condensed version of our time line:

October 2003 We attended an orientation at the agency. At that time they were accepting applications. But, they were not accepting couples into the "home study" process.

May 2004 We were invited to begin the home study process.

Dec 2004 Our home study was complete.

Jan 2005 We submitted our completed profile, which officially made us "waiters".

January 2005 - Present We've experienced several situations through our agency as well as a few others we were introduced to through friends and friends-of-friends. None of which resulted in us bringing a baby home.

At the end of this Month we will have officially completed 4 full years of being "waiters" ..with a lot of stories to tell.

So, back to the phone call from yesterday.

BT was told the agency placed 8 babies this year (2008). BUT, there has been little to no activity the past few months. None. We have not been shown. We have not been chosen.

WHAT THE HECK?!

Now, it's the holidays, so of course we're really mourning the absence of a child in our home.

Are we feeling emotional? Very much so! Are we a tad edgy? Perhaps a tad ;)

So, I called a private adoption attorney that comes highly recommended.

Left her a message.. and she called me right back.

We had a great conversation. I will be mailing her a copy of our profile for her review.

I look forward to talking to her again soon.

I also sent an email to another attorney who has our profile. It's been a year, so I thought it would be beneficial to give her a gentle reminder we are still very interested.

New Notebook Computer!

2008-12-07T15:25:00.004-05:00

I am having a very exciting day! BT found the perfect notebook computer for me. I needed one that was small, light-weight (5.2 lbs) and ultra-portable, without sacrificing all the features I was looking for. And.. I had to stay within a certain budget.

It is going to make life so much easier - I'll be able to work on QUICKSBOOKS and WORD whereever I am . . home, work, nursing home, hospital, etc . . it's gonna make life so much easier.

I am S O H A P P Y ! ! ! Thank you, BT! You seriously rock!

TAG!

2008-12-06T15:52:00.007-05:00

Tag!

You're supposed to do the following:

1. Open the 4th picture folder your computer.

2. Choose the 4th picture and post it on your blog.

3. Explain the picture.

4. Tag 4 people to do the same

The above photo is the 4th folder, 4th picture in MY pictures folder. It just happens to be 4 co-workers (including my BT <3) in the C.hannel 4 News Room! How cool is that? OK .... I need to tag 4 persons, but encourage ALL my friendly blog buddies to play along!

Let's see, I am going to randomly choose 4 persons from my Awesome Bloggers List to tag:

PeWee http://meekthejerksandme.blogspot.com/

Stephanie http://iansadoption.blogspot.com/

Debbie http://russianbrown.blogspot.com/

Kathy http://kathyskorner4.blogspot.com/

News Room

2008-12-05T12:39:00.003-05:00

So this is what goes on in the News Room!
Very early New's Years celebrations?
And I thought he produced news stories! ;)

Finally, A Great Doctor for ME

2008-12-02T17:15:00.003-05:00

I've been seeing a new endo for about 2 months now and I think he's G R E A T . Although I was hesitant to start insulin, it really was a good move. Of course, I didn't want to admit I needed it (denial) .. and I always heard once you go on it, you're on it for life. Wrong! It's most definitely reversible. And... the best part is not having the side effects of swallowing pills!
It's not joyful carrying around my tiny, little "supply" bag. Writing down everything is a pain. And... who likes to prick themselves up to 7 times daily (between shots and checking levels)? But, it's working out for me . . so far.

He works with me. I fax him my diary weekly and he calls to let me know what (if any) changes I should make.

He sent me for lab work ... and to my complete surprise the test revealed I am seriously deficient in both Vitamin B-12 and D. I started Vitamin B-12 two weeks ago. Today I start Vitamin D, taking 50,000 units once a week for 16 weeks, then I can change to an over-the-counter dose on a daily basis.

Why am I writing all this? Because I am thrilled to have found a doctor who takes a real interest and covers all bases! :0) No nurses, no PA's... just good old fashioned doctors care (with today's advance technology). I am also eager to see how I feel in a few months.

Ever Roast A Garlic Bulb Whole?

2008-11-30T02:54:00.005-05:00

We have a wonderful Greek restaurant BT and I LOVE to frequent. It seems each time we go we try something new. This week we tried the roasted vegetable platter, which was a delight!

For the first time ever, I experienced eating a whole roasted garlic bulb among other delicous veggies . . . mushrooms, banana peppers, red peppers, olive spread, eggplant and pita triangles.

Let me tell you ... I am craving that roasted garlic! So, I did a little googling and was amazed to find out just how easy it is to prepare. Perhaps tomorrow I'll try making my own.

Here are the directions if anyone else is a garlic lover! So yummy.

ROASTED GARLIC

3 whole garlic bulbs
2 - 3 tsps. extra virgin olive oil

Preheat oven to 375

Peel away the outer layers of skin of the garlic bulb, leaving the skins of the individual cloves intact; leave garlic bulb whole.

Using a sharp knife, slice 1/4 - 1/2-inch off of the pointed end of the garlic bulbs, exposing the individual cloves of garlic.

Put the garlic head in a small ovenproof dish, garlic roaster, or pan. Pour 1/2 teaspoon olive oil over the top of each bulb and let it sink in between the cloves. Wait 2 minutes and then repeat with another 1/2 teaspoon olive oil over each garlic bulb.

Either cook in a garlic cooker or place on a baking sheet and cover with aluminum foil (this is great for cooking large amounts of garlic).

Bake approximately 45 to 60 minutes or until cloves are browned at the exposed end and soft throughout.

Remove from oven.

Allow to cool enough so you can touch it without burning yourself. Use a small small knife cut the skin slightly around each clove. Use a cocktail fork or your fingers to pull or squeeze the roasted garlic cloves out of their skins.

Garlic may be stored in a tightly covered container in the refrigerator for several days.

Interestingly, when I further googled "Roasted Garlic" I found this . . . .

It's called R.oasted G.arlic E.press.

Can you guess what's going on my Christmas list? :-)

On being thankful . . .

2008-11-28T20:18:00.004-05:00

Thanksgiving wasn't the same. . . it just wasn't. Life has been hard lately. So I took time to reflect and discovered there is so much to be thankful for.

I AM THANKFUL . . . . .

I am a child of God and HE loves ME!

I know Him and can pray for those who do not.

for my wonderful husband who loves me so much and has been my best friend.

for my family who have stuck together unconditionally through such dark hours.

for our home.

for being able to be next door to my parents during the time they need us most.

for still having my parents and the medical community that has made that possible.

for my friends whom I love so much and love me right back!

for girlfriends who let me talk . . and talk . . and talk.

for my wonderful business. It is He who is to be given the praise.

for my business partner and every staff member.

for every child and opportunities to touch small hearts.

for my health and the ability to take care of my body. Exercise is a wonderful thing.

for my silver Rendezvous that's bops me all around town!

for my community.

for living in an area where we can appreciate all 4 seasons.

for the internet, where I met so many wonderful friends (and my dear husband). ;)

for telephones! How can a girl live without a phone? ;)

for good food and diet Pepsi. ;)

AND OF COURSE, I AM SO THANKFUL . . .

for the road to adoption.

for His most perfect plan and the little blessing yet to come.

for the child who will call me "Mommy"

for the small hugs that are yet to come.

And Lord, thank you for the patience and wisdom you've given me.

I marvel at how good You are to me. Help me to be a fine example of your love to others.

Blogger Boutique

2008-11-28T15:58:00.002-05:00

My friend, Ragan, from Blogger Boutique, is giving away a FREE Basic Blogger Design; which includes a header (customized with your photo(s) and title), 2-texture background, favicon, signature, post divider, sidebar title image, custom text font, color coordination of your text and installation on your blog!!!

Visit her site at BloggerBoutique.com for details.

Enter by Dec. 1

GOOD LUCK!

I need to post .... something ?

2008-11-23T15:37:00.003-05:00

It's been a few weeks. I haven't posted because life is one day at a time in my world right now. My Dad is still very sick . . . very, very sick. He's back and forth between the hospital and the nursing home. He'll likely never have food or drink again and it's so hard to understand what he is saying. He was supposed to be ok, come home again, but just because he was not cared for properly, his life is being cut short. I can not wrap my brain around it. Mom is so down, so afraid ... I can't imagine being her. And as most of you know, she has serious health complications herself. I am having a horrible time, we all are. My emotions are all over the place. I really want to keep my blog happy - while we wait for the adoption. Truthfully, happy is so hard to achieve during such times.

Along with all the stress comes some concerns regarding my own health. I am doing the best I can. . eating right . . exercising . . . taking better care of me. But, the reality is stress can play havoc on our systems. It's tough to control my blood sugar levels, so I am now giving myself insulin shots. I hate it. I am also taking vitamin B-12 since my labs came back I was deficient.

I am working hard to keep a healthy balance between my own needs, our marriage, my parents and my work (in that order). Unfortunately, my work suffers the most.

I've heard NOTHING from our agency (since August). Things must be super slow, cause 3 mths. ago we were couple #2.

I just keep telling myself to keep praying, trusting God, doing what I need to do for the "right now" and someday soon our baby will come and we will experience joy like we've never experienced before. Our little blessing will here soon!

National Adoption Month

2008-11-05T08:56:00.002-05:00

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this- so I am putting it out there for anyone else who may want to read it.

Presidential Proclamation for 2008 National Adoption Month

During National Adoption Month, we recognize the compassion of adoptive and foster families as we seek to raise awareness of the need for every child in America to have a safe, loving, and permanent home.

Adopting a child is a great joy and also a great responsibility. Parents are a child’s first teachers, and adoptive families can help children learn character and values, the importance of giving back to their community and country, and the courage to realize their potential. On November 15, caring parents across our Nation will celebrate National Adoption Day by finalizing their adoptions and bringing home children in need of a hopeful life.

My Administration is committed to helping young people find the love, stability, and support that a family can provide. We have joined with community and faith-based organizations to raise public awareness of foster children awaiting adoption. With the help of the Congress, we are assisting families in overcoming the financial barriers to adopting children through programs such as the Adoption Incentives Program. In addition, the Collaboration to AdoptUsKids project, which can be found at adoptuskids.org, provides guidance and resources for parents exploring adoption.

During National Adoption Month, we honor adoptive and foster parents who have shown America the depth and kindness of the human heart. Their love and dedication inspire the next generation of Americans to achieve their dreams and demonstrate the true spirit of our Nation.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim November 2008 as National Adoption Month. I call upon all Americans to observe this month with appropriate programs and activities to honor adoptive families and to participate in efforts to find permanent homes for waiting children.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this thirty-first day of October, in the year of our Lord two thousand eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.

GEORGE W. BUSH

Election Day 2008

2008-11-04T20:32:00.001-05:00

And we picked the best time. We didn't have to wait in line.

All Because 2 People Fell In Love

2008-11-02T17:23:00.004-05:00

You asked me earlier if it seems like we've really been together 11 years ( married 7 ) and I told you in many ways it doesn't seem possible, yet at times it seems I've known you forever. That's because I can not imagine life without you, my best friend and soul mate.

When I think about the trials we've faced in our first several years of marriage, I am thankful for you being here with me, sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. I have no doubt we've loved better, grown closer, laughed more and hugged every day because of how our admiration has grown in spite of all the challenges.

God makes no mistakes. His promises are clear. We both know that and we both hold tight to our faith no matter the circumstances. We've been blessed and God has an even bigger blessing He is waiting to present to us in His most perfect timing.

Thank you for holding me up when when I am down and encouraging me all along the way. Thank you for being the wind beneath my wings.

I love you sooo much. XOXOXOXOXOXO

'Ti

Halloween 2008

2008-11-01T00:46:00.002-04:00

Our beautiful, sweet nieces! :-) A happy Halloween, indeed.

Pay it Forward!

2008-10-25T00:36:00.007-04:00

I have been TERRIBLE about keeping up with my blog and for that I apologize.

Sept. 25, I signed up to play "Pay it Forward!" on THE HARR FAMILY BLOG and I received this from Kim:

I was so deeply touched when I opened the package! Kim, it was so truly sweet and kind. I am just sorry it took me so long to express my gratitude for such a wonderful gift from the heart. I plan to keep the note for our baby book. Thank you so much! Unfortunately, when I went back to see who may have signed up in response to my posting of Pay It Forward, I was unable to find the post. But, I love the concept and plan to make up for it. I'll post what I do!

Finally Feeling A Little Better

2008-10-12T23:56:00.002-04:00

I felt better today - Not great - but BETTER! :-)

It was a great day - warm and sunny! Hard to believe exactly 2 years ago we were hit by the October Storm. One solid week with no electric - no heat. Those of you from WNY must recall?

Sorry I've been MIA

2008-10-12T00:47:00.008-04:00

It was a very long week because I Feel Sick!

I tried to let it "run it's course" but by Thursday morning, I had enough and felt horrible.

I called the doctor, hoping this time she'd call me in a prescription. Nope! But she did say "come right in".

"Wow!", she says, "You came in just in time"! Just in time for what, pray tell?

"Sinus Infection"

"Right Ear Infection"

"Bronchitis"

ALL THREE.

* sigh *

Hey Girl! What's going on?

2008-10-03T14:58:00.003-04:00

I received an email from a friend today. It said "Hey Girl! What's going on?" I wasn't surprised as we haven't had a chance to talk in a while. I thought, "Yeah, what is going on?" Once I starting thinking I realized there is much more going on than I thought. Just thinking about it exhausts me.

Work is .... busy. Not that we have an overabundance of children. But the families we have keep us hopping! I am working steadily to prepare for our upcoming license renewal. All paperwork must be in by Dec. 02. In preparation, I realized just how much had piled up since I needed to be away so often for my Father's sake. So, I take a few evenings a week to work in the office, organizing mostly. In addition, we took the summer off of training, so we're busy planning and taking classes.

Speaking of Dad. He continues to have good and bad days. His good days are usually REALLY good and is bad days are usually REALLY bad. My most recent meeting with the house doctor didn't go so well. "Your Dad is a very, very sick man with many complications. I wish I could tell you exactly what is wrong, but I do not know. There are just so many issues and it appears his body is breaking down. We can do all we can to keep him comfortable . . . blah, blah, blah". He told me Dad was non-responsive and refusing food and fluid. That was on a Wed. On Saturday, we sat in his room while he enjoyed a W.ENDY's F.ROSTY. He was so chatty, it was as if we were sitting in his living room at home conversing. There was no confusion and he asked alot of sensible questions. It just doesn't make sense.... no sense at all.

At home I am working hard to gets things done while we still have a little nice weather.
The pool is closed and the yard is cleaned up for winter. Inside, I am trying to clear out and organize. We have a painter lined up to come in and continue painting where we left off when Dad took ill. We're also getting estimates for attic insulation. It's a must this year.
Once all that is done, I'll have the carpet cleaners come in. Thankfully, if I stay on schedule, I can get it all done before the holidays.

We have family coming in from Indiana tomorrow. My mom's sister and her husband are coming to spend 2 weeks. It is going to be so awesome, for Mom especially. All our extended family live out of town so it's rather exciting when some visit. Vincent, my nephew, is also coming home from college (P.urdue).

BT and I are doing great. He and his brother recently took a road trip to B.altimore for a O.rioles game. They loved it, naturally. He went to T.rader J.oes and brought back some fun stuff.

BT's working a lot of crazy hours. This week has been especially busy with his TV station and the T.ime W.arner negotiations. For those of you who reside in the B.uffalo area, you know what I am talking about.

We'll be celebrating our 7th Anniversary this month! Not sure how we're celebrating; but I am sure we'll find something fun to do.

At the end of the month we're planning to go to the S.teven C.urtis C.hapman and M.ichael W. S.mith "U.nited" concert. It's only an hour drive to the auditorium where they are performing. . and just a skip across town his Mom's. I am very excited!

I had my first ever visit with my new (and wonderful!) endocrinologist. I told my primary care doctor I was looking for an endo who actually sees his patients and takes the time to listen. She sent me in the right direction! He, alone, gave me a good 30 minutes (perhaps more) of his time. No nurses, no PA's .... just good old doctor's care. I dig it! ;) I feel like I am in good hands and hope the changes he is making will work out for me.

No news to share regarding the adoption. One day at a time... right?
Just knowing we're being shown and so close is enough comfort to keep me going and give me hope. God is good. Soon, everyone...soon! :-)

Wow.. that was a mouthful. I need to return to my never ending cleaning spree!

So tell me, "What is going on with you?"
Hoping to get some interesting replies.

The Perfect Evening At Home

2008-09-26T00:44:00.004-04:00

BT is home... ALL Evening.

Grey's Anatomy Season Premiere is 2 hours.

Dinner consists of Green Mountain Gringo Chips,
Flat Lime Salsa,
Trader Joe's Chicken Enchiladas,
a dallop of sour cream
and a can of Diet Cherry Pepsi.

Dinner on the coffee table so we can relax on the couch and watch Grey's and the News.

All followed by a very quiet, midnight stroll throughout the neighborhood.

Time to sleep! And ...tomorrow we shall return to responsible living ;) .

P.S. Did I mention I had a NUTRITION class tonight from 6:30 pm - 8:30 pm? I highly doubt the instructor would had approved of our late night dinner. ;)

Today. . . .

2008-09-23T20:36:00.006-04:00

I heard from our agency. She called to tell us they have been unable to contact the bmom they planned to share our profile with. Her phone is disconnected ... she is not contacting them.
Not sure what to think other than ... we're "waiting" again. :(

I was late for work because I felt sooo lousy. I finally took prescription Naproxen and a double dose of Claritin and went to work. I was loopy, but accomplished quiet a bit considering.

I found the top of my desk! It was amazing!!!! I've been working hard to get organized and today I could actually see the top of my desk. It looks so tidy!

All was well as the end of the day was nearing. "If all the raindrops were lemondrops and gumdrops, Oh, what a rain that would be!" was playing above the sound of laughter coming from the Toddler Room. Through the sounds I hear "Miss Patti!!!!" and could tell the voice was shaken and clearing in trouble. I flew down the hall to find the other Director as pale as a paper plate and waving her hands in distress. CAN YOU SPEAK ?? She shook her head NO. Great, she's choking, right here with little eyes watching. I remained rather calm, in control and was able to help her with just 2 light abdominal thrusts. Thank God! The children were priceless, very concerned and sweet. They just wanted to know Miss G was okay!

Oh! The cutest thing happened. I was walking toward the ladies room. To do this, you have to walk past the children's restroom. From outside the restroom, I hear "Jesus Loves Me This I Know, For the Bible Tells Me So" .... and then I hear the teachers say, "That's a very nice song, Arianna". Oh the small joys of being a Day Care Director. Could there possibly be any other job this rewarding?

I am going to cut this short because - BT IS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He left early, early yesterday morning for Baltimore. As a birthday gift to his brother, they went to the Baltimore/Tampa baseball game. I know I should of enjoyed the break. BUT, I missed him, really. I know, we're pathetic. ;)

Good-Night!

Taking The Road Less Traveled...

2008-09-21T21:31:00.004-04:00

I found this posted on Sara's Blog

"Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "Adopt and you'll get pregnant." Of the most painful from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

"These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is, a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that that was God's plan?

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and me to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let Him down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already know."

BT and I have faced infertility straight on since we married in 2001. We have definitely grown closer, loved deeper and become much stronger. We've continually lifted each other up when the other seems weak. We've found a deeper love and compassion for the Lord. We are still reminded of the big questions "why couldn't we have children? what was God thinking?...etc.." We may never know for sure. But we do know God has a plan for all He does. Yes, we're traveling a road less traveled. But God is true to His promises. So as we travel we know we will be blessed along the way in ways we could never imagine. Yes, when that baby is placed in our arms I will know without a doubt God knows what is best. Lord, I thank you for this journey you have chosen especially for me and BT.

It's official, I am sick....

2008-09-20T21:50:00.004-04:00

It's official, I am sick. I've been feeling rather run down, but with all going on I was not surprised. Now my ears ache, throat is swollen and sore and my chest is tight. Whatever made me think I was going to slip through without getting it? It's been floating around the day care.
No wonder I fell asleep 3 times today!

I need tea. . . . .

We Will Be OK....

2008-09-20T02:05:00.002-04:00

Just yesterday, we were called to the nursing home. Dad's doctor wanted to speak to us. I took the afternoon off and headed in to listen as the doctor gave us the news. "Your Dad is very, very sick, there is no quality of life. He is seriously anemic and non-responsive. He is refusing food and drink. We can take him to the hospital for a transfusion, run tests to find out why he's anemic, but really we won't be gaining anything. Or we can keep him here where he is comfortable until he passes. As a family I need you to think about these things. In the meantime, I have started antibiotics".

When I arrived at the nursing home today - my Dad was sitting up in bed, watching TV. He was totally communicating with us. He even asked BT for a Frosty and he ate the whole darn thing! His color was back - nice and rosey. Fever was normal. He went to therapy twice! Now, I am not saying he was healed, but he was so much better than the day before.

I really don't know what to think of all this. We leave it all in God's hands.. taking each day as it comes and appreciating each moment we have with him. Thank you all so much for caring enough about me to remember my Dad in your prayers. God is so good, His promises are sweet. We will be ok.

Me & My Dad ....

2008-09-19T01:36:00.008-04:00

I am doing great - taking steps (literally) each day to become a healthier me! I have officially completed a month of walking at least 6 nights a week. And...it feels fantastic! It does wonders for the heart and the soul. The weather has been fully cooperative..... Cool, clear and crisp on most nights. I walk later, so it's rather calm and peaceful. I will miss the outdoors greatly when old man winter hits, but that problem will be solved by our new (to us) treadmill! And, of course, I can walk at the mall anytime, it's so nice and close.

My Dad, on the other hand, is not doing so well. I know we need to accept his quality of life is rather poor, and really there isn't much else they can do for him. But, it's hard.... our hearts want him to get better. He's only 73! To me, that's too young for anyone to suffer the way he's suffering. So why can't they find what's wrong and fix it? Why is everything so unpredictable? Why can't they give us answers? And why is my family enduring such heartache? We've been riding an emotional roller coaster for 8 months. Really, with no good answers. I am frustrated ... he's had a bad couple of days and my heart breaks to see him and not be able to do SOMETHING to make him feel better. I want to fall apart when I see him sobbing. My father who never cried in front of his children - is now helpless and flowing with tears. I know I need to keep the faith. I know it is all a part of God's plan. I know when he leaves us, he will be free from pain and suffering. But still . . it really hurts.

It really is different when it's one of your "parents". It's a loss all of it's own. There will be times I will want to turn to him for answers to questions or share something that happened at work that day. I know I will miss him when our forever baby finally comes home! I will be able to tell my child about "Poppy" but it won't be the same as the experiences the other grandchildren have had, the memories they'll always keep deep in their hearts. I will never forget his anticipation as we would speak of possible situations, or the tears he cried when a situation did not work out in our favor. How easy it would be to become angry and bitter but I know God will give me the grace I need and memories to cherish forever.

Oh, I just wanted to add that we have not heard back regarding the situation from last week. I may call our SW tomorrow to see if there are any developments.

New Look & Lurkers

2008-09-19T01:36:00.007-04:00

I gave my blog a "new do" tonight. It was simpler than I thought - and I really like it. What do you think, my blogger friends?

I see my blog has guests from all over! I'd love to know who you are - where your from - etc. .
Please, come out of lurking and post a comment!

40 Tips for a Better Life

2008-09-15T11:27:00.004-04:00

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. while you walk, smile.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement,
'My purpose is to __________ today.'

5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6. Play more and read more books.

7. Make time to practice meditation.
They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants;
eat less food that is manufactured.

11. Drink green tea; plenty of water.
Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds and walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear clutter from your home, car, desk; let new energy into your life.

14. Don't waste precious energy on gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts
or things you cannot control. Invest energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like
algebra class;lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid
with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the NEGATIVE BLUES away.

18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'.
You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words:
'In five years, will this matter?'

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business; and shouldn't matter.

28. REMEMBER GOD heals everything.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.
Your friends will. Stay in touch.

31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

35. Do the right thing!

36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!!!)

37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:
I am thankful for __________.
Today I accomplished _________.

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World andyou certainly don't
want a fast pass. You only have oneride through life so make the most of it.

40. Pray everyday! God is right there waiting to share life with you!

Prayer Appreciated

2008-09-12T11:02:00.003-04:00

I spoke to our worker today. Our profile is being shown, along with 4 others.

It's a "unique situation". She wanted to be sure we were ok with it.

Prayer appreciated. :-)

Remembering 9/11/01

2008-09-11T23:34:00.001-04:00

A fun night....

2008-09-10T23:05:00.005-04:00

BT and I had a "date" night tonight. We went into the city for souvlaki - it was yummy and gave us a change of scenery. There's something about going downtown that's just FUN and ROMANTIC!

Just how many cups of FREE coffee can you collect in one day? Well, we have a card from D unkin' D onut for FREE medium coffee on Wednesday. OK, I was in a good mood and just wanted to have fun, so whenever we saw a D unkin' we stopped, by the end of the day we had collected 7 cups of coffee at no charge! It sounds like alot, but with 3 of us (we brought 2 back to Mom) it went fast.

Then we went to the Mall to walk. I hadn't been to the Mall in a long time.
They've added on soooo much.

It's really beginning to feel like Fall and I am lovin' it! Hoping to make it to the nursery this weekend for some pretty mums!

When I was walking earlier, I received a text message....A family friend gave birth to a 7 lb, 6 oz. baby girl today. Hoping to have pictures soon! I am soooo happy for her.

Although I walked tonight- I feel like a little more! I really missed walking outdoors. The air is cool and crisp.. I think I'll go enjoy a tad more. Before we know it, the snow will fall.

Walking ...

2008-09-10T01:04:00.002-04:00

It's been about 3 weeks since I started walking again! Although my jaunts are short -averaging 20 minutes per day - I feel so much better. I am being extra cautious not to overdo it (due to my back problem) but I will slowly build up to 30 - 40 minutes a day.

I go for blood work in one week. It will be rather interesting to see the "hopefully" positive effects on my blood sugar.

Anyhow, the purpose of this post was to announce I have a treadmill now! I don't need it now, as I really enjoy walking outdoors, but come winter, it's going work out fantastic. Now, I am thinking a small tv - one of those super flat ones you can mount on the wall! I'll be all set!

Creative Abilities of a Preschooler

2008-09-10T00:57:00.004-04:00

My friend sent these photos to me as a picture message on my cell phone. Since I have yet to become a Mom, I learn all the "tricks" through my friend's children, children in my day care and my own nieces and nephews. Apparently, this is what 3 year olds do during afternoon nap! Now..that's creative, in my opinion!

Up-Date on Baby Girl

2008-09-04T09:35:00.006-04:00

I heard from our mutual friend again....apparently there is a "cousin" interested in adopting the baby I spoke of last week and they are trying to work out the details. From what I understand, the adoptive couple desires a completely closed adoption and the grandmother wants to be very active in the babies life. I hope they are able to make an agreement that works well for both, most defintely what is best for this little baby girl. My heart aches for the baby and I am praying for her . She needs to be placed in the arms of her forever Mommy and Daddy.

I also spoke to our agency this week. Our worker was very upbeat when I spoke to her- although she can't say much, she hinted a lot was going on. It felt good - felt right.

I believe God used this past week to show me I truly have not given up - my hearts yearns to bring our forever baby home as much now as ever, perhaps even a little more. And, God is faithful -

The past few years have been very difficult for us. We've faced many, many challenges with our families. As I look back at the "big picture" I can see how God has worked in our lives and He does know what is best. I look forward with anticipation and His plan is revealed.

It's been a few days...

2008-08-30T01:00:00.003-04:00

Just thinking, it wasn't meant to be.... again.

How many losses must we face to bring our baby home?

It's just not making sense.

Perhaps I need to sleep.

Keeping The Faith ... And Praying!

2008-08-27T21:27:00.009-04:00

V EXCITING NEWS!!!!!!!

Although I could not decide if I should post this, I've decided there's really no harm in telling the story, so here goes.

Over the weekend, I announce to BT I need to give up on the adoption. The wait is just too hard and and is effecting me emotionally & physically. I suggested we start thinking of other interests, things to do with our lives. Please know my heart is breaking as I am telling him. But, I just wanted the ache to go away.

Then a few days later, I tell him I'd like to have a Puppy! I want something small, loveable and one that doesn't shed too much.

I upset my poor DH terribly. Bad enough he cried and asked me to please not give up!
He said, "I want a baby, I do not want a puppy!"

Then out of the clear blue sky, I get a phone call. It was someone I know professionally, but over the years we have become good friends. She knows someone who has a newborn and is seriously interested in making an adoption plan. She shared some of the details, of which I am not comfortable posting on a public blog. But anyhow, she told her all about us! She called to see if we are interested? Why sure we are! I gave her the OK to give them my phone number. My friend called me back again yesterday to say they are very interested in talking to us, but they asked for a few days. My friend really believes their decision is a very solid one.

I am trying not to get too excited, as we've been let down so many times before. But, the truth is I am very excited. It all sounds too good to be true!

I keep thinking about how just a day or so before I told my DH I needed to give up.
How many times I've heard when you're ready to give up, good things happen!
Could it be?

I also know I'll be ok if it doesnt work out. I'll know it was God's way of showing me I truly wasn't ready to give up!

KEEPING THE FAITH ....and PRAYING! Y

Butter Finger Ice Cream Sandwich Cake

2008-08-24T23:37:00.005-04:00

I just thought I'd share a fun recipe! It's easy and so delicous!
Your friends will wonder how you did it.

Ice Cream Sandwich Cake

About 20 ice cream sandwiches
1 20 oz. container Cool Whip
1/2 jar caramel topping
chocolate sauce
2 Butterfinger Bars-crushed

Layer the bottom of a 9x13 baking dish with 10 ice cream sandwiches and cut any to fit. Layer about 1/2 jar of caramel sauce over the sandwiches. Layer 1/2 the container of Cool Whip. Sprinkle one crushed Butterfinger on the Cool Whip. Layer more ice cream sandwiches to fit. Cover them with the chocolate sauce. Layer the rest of the Cool Whip. Top with the other crushed Butterfinger Bar. You can top with additional sauce if you would like. Cover and freeze until firm.

I've also made it without the caramel and chocolate sauces - another delicious, yet not so sweet, treat!

No Act of Kindness, No Matter How Small, Is Ever Wasted

2008-08-02T01:34:00.008-04:00

Kindness: –noun 1. the state or quality of being kind 2. a kind act; favor: his many kindnesses to me. 3. kind behavior: I will never forget your kindness. 4. friendly feeling; liking...

I received a special package in the mail today. One of my blog friends, Debbie, sent me a Pooh outfit her beautiful daughter Isabel had outgrown. I was very touched by her thoughtfulness.

Thank you, Debbie, for being so thoughtful, your kindness will not soon be forgotten.

We Won A Gourmet Lunch!

2008-07-14T22:47:00.006-04:00

Recently, I entered a contest on a local radio station website. The contest was for an "Office Break". The prize was food and dessert from a gourmet bakery. All I had to do to enter was tell them why our office deserves a break! I don't remember what I wrote, but it must have been good, because we WON!

Wednesday at noon, the Morning Show Host delivered lunch and dessert to me and my employees! The photo is of the morning show host and a few of our providers.

So fun!

Cuteness!

2008-07-14T10:49:00.008-04:00

As I looked around the nursery recently, I realized there is a lot of cuteness going on. So I decided to get "up close and personal" with the camera. I'll start by sharing "The Silly Ole' Bear" accessories. I think Pooh is grand! Can you tell ?

I bought the Classic Pooh Switch Plate many years ago, kept it stored in my "hope chest".

Photo Holder!

This print will hang on the wall above the crib.
It was a gift from one of my employees.

These are already hanging on the wall
as you walk in the room.

The many faces of Pooh! Mostly gifts
we received throughout the wait. Now you know
what I've been doing with my time - collecting Pooh Bears!
There can never be too much Pooh!

Classic Pooh Shape Sorter we picked up on one
of our many T A R G E T excursions.

This Baby Pooh is very special!
It was a Christmas gift for baby from my Dad.
He bought it after we announced we were adopting.
The denim hat was a gift from my sister!

An "up-close" view of the window treatments.
Somewhere on this blog you can see the whole window!

Handprint/Footprint Frames
Another great buy from T A R G E T!

Lamp/Bookends/Pooh Books
I had the bookends in my room when I
still lived at home with Mom and Dad.

Classic Pooh Night Light....
A gift from Uncle Jonathan and family!

More Pooh ................

And ..... plenty of Pooh Banks for College Fund! ;)

Turning 40 is fun!

2008-07-14T00:28:00.007-04:00

When I turned 40, my dear friend, Tracey, made a sign so everyone in town was sure to know I had reached the BIG 40. Notice how she worded the sign, hoping to throw me off - thinking I wouldn't suspect her. I stored that sign for 3 years, knowing someday I would be given the opportunity to pay back the favor.

Recently, Tracey, turned 40. I was sure to replace the verbage on the sign. BT drove 60 miles to place it on her lawn! It didn't take her long to figure it out.

Turning 40 is fun! But good friends are even more fun! :-)

PS If you click on the sign you can see the details of all the little critters much better!

Ordinary Miracle

2008-07-03T13:33:00.005-04:00

I am so pleased! The song "Ordinary Miracle" keeps running through my head. Particularly the part that says "It seems so exceptional, That things just work out after all, It's just another ordinary miracle today".

It's been a very long week. Dad was admitted to ICU after a long ER visit. The infection spread to his blood stream and quite possibly bone. He has tested positive to M*R*S*A and C*Dif. Things were NOT looking good. We were actually given the impression he was not going to come out of it. I won't go into the details of how horribly depressing it's been. I will say we were preparing for Dad to pass in the very near future. One day he came to and had an emotional breakdown. He cried so hard, he was giving up the fight and wanted us to all know he loved us.
I didn't know my heart could hurt so bad.

BUT... he has since advanced to the "ICU Step Down Unit" ... and we're seeing improvement.

It was not only a shock to us, but to the hospital staff as well. He's alert, talking, even asking for ice cream (now that's my Dad)! I fed him apple juice yesterday. Although I had use a stick with a small sponge at the end, he managed to take about 2 ounces.

Mom and I met with Dr. B yesterday afternoon. Mom needed to make a decision regarding surgery. Option 1: NO surgery. The bed sore would not go away (ever), eventually it would cause complications leading to death. Option 2: Proceed with surgery to debrine the bed sore. There are some risks. Healing process would be very slow, and could take up to 6 months (or more). He would return to rehab. Mom is opting for surgery. I imagine it will be soon, as they called today for consent.

He is showing minor irregularities in his heart rhythm, therefore they are keeping a close eye on that. He is still testing positive to M*R*S*A and C*Dif. Still very confused, however we see very small indications that may be getting better. Dr. B does not feel his cognitive problems are permanent. I continue to prayer he is correct. And I continue to be thankful for God's continued intervention.

A few short days ago, Dad was on the brink of death. I can't explain how it felt to walk in the room, expecting the worst and instead have him turn his head, look at me and start talking- WHO CARES IF HE MADE ANY SENSE! ;-) To see nurses who cared for him during the darkest hours come to his room just to see it for themselves is yet another gentle reminder how God works.

Dad is not out of the woods. The surgery itself presents some risks. The next several days will determine so much more. But I can tell you there is a difference. And for that, we are so grateful.

GOD IS AWESOME!

Click below to view the video "Ordinary Miracle":

Ordinary Miracle

Yesterday ..

2008-06-26T12:19:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was a rough day for my Dad. The nursing home called at 11 AM to tell us he needed to go to the hospital. He was in the ER until 2 AM when a bed opened up. He is in ICU with an infection known as SEPlS (one of the greatest dangers of an advanced pressure sore, this occurs when bacteria from a massive infection enter your bloodstream and spread throughout your body — a rapidly progressing, life-threatening condition that can cause shock and organ failure.). He has high fever, pain and very low blood pressure. Today, he will be seen by a surgeon, skin care team and someone from infection control. Hopefully we will have news later on.

A Special Coffee Treat

2008-06-25T01:18:00.005-04:00

I recieved an e-mail indicating I may be eligible for a free S E N S E O coffee machine. I already own one and love it! But, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to get one for my office at work. All I had to do was take a very brief survey and agree to pay shipping. I did and soon found out I was eligible!

Today, my package arrived, just as promised. How nice it was to unwind with a delicious cup of S E N S E O coffee tonight (decaf, of course) complete with Vanilla Carmel Creamer. Yum!

Dad

2008-06-24T23:05:00.003-04:00

Dad isn't doing too great today. He has fever, isn't talking, isn't eating, etc.
It makes my heart ache. And, I feel afraid.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Don't Worry, Be Happy! :-)

2008-06-23T11:59:00.004-04:00

This has to be one the my favorites! I love it!
Don't Worry Be Happy Bobby Mc Ferrin [ Smile ] - The funniest home videos are here

Don't Worry, Be Happy!
Here's a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry, be happy.
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy.
Don't worry, be happy now.

*Don't worry, be happy.
Don't worry, be happy.
Don't worry, be happy.
Don't worry, be happy.

Ain't got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don't worry, be happy.
The landlord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy.

*(Look at me -- I'm happy. Don't worry, be happy. Here I give you my phone number. When you worry, call me, I make you happy. Don't worry, be happy.)

Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style
Ain't got no gal to make you smile
Don't worry, be happy.
'Cause when you worry your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
Don't worry, be happy.

*(Don't worry, don't worry, don't do it. Be happy. Put a smile on your face. Don't bring everybody down. Don't worry. It will soon pass, whatever it is. Don't worry, be happy. I'm not worried, I'm happy... )

I've been tagged

2008-06-19T10:29:00.006-04:00

Tagged by Camille (Adventures in Mommyland) .

Four Jobs I've had:

1. Child Day Care Administrator
2. Preschool Teacher
3.
4.

Four Movies I've watched more then once:

1. Grease
2. Sleepless in Seattle
3. Gone with the Wind
4. Thornbirds

Four Places I Have Lived:

1. D E P E W ~ NY
2. L A N C A S T E R ~ NY
3.
4.

Four TV Show I watch:

1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Brother's & Sisters
3. October Road which is canceled next season :(
4. Private Practice

Four Places I've been:

1. FLORIDA
2. KENTUCKY
3. BOSTON MA
4. CANADA

Four People Who Email Me Regularly:

1. Tracey
2 Carmel
3.
4. Cassandra

Four of My Favorite Foods:

1. GREEK
2. ITALIAN
3. MEXICAN
4. AMERICAN

Four Places I'd Like to Visit

1. Ireland
2. Denver
3. Georgia
4. California

Four Things I'm Looking Forward to This Year:

1. Bringing home our baby!
2. Holding our baby!
3. Going to KY!
4. Vacation!

Four People I Tag:

1. Debbie B
2. Colette
3. Sue
4. Annie

Thank you!

2008-06-19T00:53:00.004-04:00

To everyone who has been so kind to check in on my Dad, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Our family sees an improvement but the medical community isn't saying anything. Go figure. They are still weaning him off the meds, it's a very slow process. But, the last couple days I have definitely felt there was a "tiny" improvement with each day. He's still unable to do just about anything, but he is calmer, less upset, less confusion, etc. I printed out some family photos tonight. I am going to "perk up" his room this weekend. I think he's ready for it! Thank you for asking - and thank you all for your continued prayers. We are all hanging in there. At times my faith is certainly tested. But, ultimately I know God is in control and I need to leave it in His hands. I just miss my Dad the way I knew him ..... that makes me very sad. I am going to share a few photos. They were both taken within the past year, before he got so sick.

Summer Storm -

2008-06-16T23:32:00.003-04:00

We had interesting weather today. I was working, not paying much attention. In my mind it was a typical, hot summer day. All the sudden I hear pelting on the windows. I look out and can not believe the hail that's coming down. They were huge, some as large as golfballs. It was scary -but when it ended we enjoyed a gorgeous rainbow. I love rainbows!!!

BT took this photo of a hail ball from our yard. We saw even larger ones on the evening news.

Happy Father's Day

2008-06-15T14:34:00.002-04:00

"Stand and see this great thing which the Lord will do before your eyes. 1 Samuel 12:16"

Sad :(

2008-06-12T00:55:00.003-04:00

My heart was sad today.

I spoke to our social worker.

The young lady she called us about still had not made a decision. They showed her every profile they have - and nothing.

My heart breaks for her. To be 14, pregnant and feel so alone. She doesn't want to place her baby. But, the family member who takes care of her does not support her decision to keep the baby.

I'll say a special prayer for her tonight.

And I feel sad because Father's Day is Sunday - and BT will be reminded of yet another year he is not a Dad.

I'll say a little prayer for us today, too - that parenthood will come along real soon.

2008-06-05T11:20:00.002-04:00

Our profile was shown to a birthmother this week. However, we were not chosen.

The agency is still working with the other birthmother and will proceed with it.
This is the one we were "highly favored" for, but the birthmother was unable to commit. She is very, very young, and she wants to keep her baby. However, she has no family support. It's sad ... very sad.

In other news, she told me our profile has been very well received with great feedback.

Dad is showing little bits of improvement with each day. He's certainly not out of the woods and has a long road ahead of him.

Do you ever wish you could look into the future? It's during times like these I wish I knew what lies ahead. But, then I am reminded God has the perfect plan and we need to trust Him and know He will take care of us.

Quick Up-Date Dad & Adoption

2008-06-02T23:42:00.006-04:00

Dad appeared to be a bit better today. When he seizured they told us it could be 48+ hours before he begins to come around. I guess he is right on target!

He was a tad grumpy and aggitated. But, we rejoiced in hearing his voice (although only a few words). It brought hope!

All the tests have come back negative with the exception an x-ray showed a small amount of fluid on his lung. It was caused from the rib being removed during surgery. Apparently this is not uncommon.

The doctor has finally agreed to our request to wean him off the Parkinson's Medication!
This has been a huge concern (after much research, of course), yet our requests have fallen on deaf ears.

He is, by no means, out of the woods. But, seeing him try to move, talk and open his eyes was a wonderful thing.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Our agency called this morning.

Our profile was HIGHLY FAVORED by the birthmom and her family. After 5 hours of talking and going over profiles she was unable to make a decision. She is very, very young and struggling as she wants to keep her baby. She has no family support, her options are limited. My heart goes out to her, it really does. I am praying for her and the baby. We may and may not hear more from this situation.

Our profile is also being shown to another birthmom this week. I do not have details, except that our agency is going to present us - and I know she is due in August.

On that note, I am off to bed! Good-night all!

Up-Date On Dad

2008-06-01T14:26:00.000-04:00

We had a very rough day yesterday. Dad seizured and they couldn't get him out of it. They took him to the ER by ambulance. We stayed right there with him, but it was hard to tell if he knew we were there. He was so out of it. It was the longest 12 hours of my life. We finally came home late last night.... which was so hard to do (especially for my Mom, but with her health issues, we knew she needed to get rest).

They came to take him up to his room, so we decided to grab some coffee in the cafeteria. We were all in the cafeteria talking to our Pastor when we heard "Rapid Response Team, 5th Floor" over the PA. I had a gut feeling and went up to his room. The call was for my Dad, he had briefly stopped breathing and they could not get him to respond. So, he's on a CPAP machine now - and has settled down substantially.

We had to discuss Dads wishes, in the event he would stop breathing again or his heart would stop. My poor Mother, I feel so bad for her having to make such decisions. She cried so hard, just fell apart. Her heart is broken.

They did a CTScan of his brain, which came back negative. So, today, the neurologist ordered a few tests, including a brain MRI. We are supposed to hear something from the doctor this afternoon.

Again, they brough up the "questionable Parkinson's Disease diagnosis", thinking perhaps there is something going on they have been unable to detect. Noone should have to suffer so. And, not knowing why makes it even harder. The hardest part of all is when he is yelling out for help - and we can't help him.

No News .....

2008-05-31T00:34:00.004-04:00

No news today! It's going to make for a very long weekend.

BT and I went to Chili's Thurs. night. We were sitting in the lounge area chatting. We talked mostly about this possible situation. We're both excited, yet afraid. If we are chosen, we could become parents very soon (she's due in June and they are expecting her to go early). Once the baby is born, they will set a court date for ASAP. Once they go to court, we become the prospective adoptive parents. Since the baby will require surgery, we would need to "camp out" in or near the hospital (which is 3 hours from home) anywhere from 2 - 12 weeks. It's a lot to think about - with such notice. But, we feel confident, we could do it.

One thought that kept running through my mind, was there are up to 4 other couples in New York State having the same conversation, feeling the same anticipation, wondering if this will be the one! 5 couples in all, and just 1 baby. That's tough to swallow.

And so, I prayed. I prayed for the baby, the bparents, the agency and all the couples. I have peace knowing God already has a plan for this child. I will be ok if this is not the one for us.
For we know God has Great Plans - and it's getting closer every day.

Wanted to share . . .

2008-05-29T08:02:00.005-04:00

Our profile is being shown tomorrow (Friday). The baby has a (correctable) birth defect which was detected on an ultrasound. Shortly after birth the baby will have surgery and remain in the hospital for the first 1 - 3 months. We did a lot of research and feel it is something we are comfortable with. This little one needs our prayers, as does the birth parents and chosen couple.
.
The agency plans to show profiles tomorrow (and we're one of them)!
.
Prayers welcome!
.
"Stand and see this great thing which the Lord will do before your eyes. 1 Samuel 12:16"

22nd Annual Preschool Graduation 2008

2008-05-26T03:28:00.009-04:00

We are so proud of each of our graduates!
Congratulations Class of 2008

The best rewards in life come from the little ones!

I am so blessed!

I Love Spring! :-)

2008-05-25T14:34:00.003-04:00

What a gorgeous day we're having in our neck of the woods! The sun is shining, birds are chirping away and everything is so, so pretty! I love SPRING! And, I love SUNSHINE!

I haven't posted in a week. It was Graduation week for our little cherubs who are off to Kindergarten in September. The program was wonderful. I was concerned there were a lot of little bloopers, but the children were so happy, giddy, etc....and that it truly what mattered the most. Their excitement made my week. It certainly is the little ones who teach us the best lessons in life. I'll come back later and post a few photos.

BT and I took a drive yesterday! It felt great. We drove 1 hour, stopped for a sandwich, did a little shopping, had ice cream, popped in on his Mom and came back home. Crazy, I know..especially with the price of gasoline. But, it was spontaneous and fun - and a much needed break.

Today, I am working. Taking advantage of a quiet day to catch up on things.
BT is off tomorrow - and so am I - we're thrilled!!!! Not that we have big plans. We'll probably just stay home, grill something good and go see my Dad. But, both of us being home on the same days rarely happens, so it will be NICE.

Speaking of my Dad.... I wish I had better news to report. We had high hopes he'd be much better by now. It's like a different person in my Dad's body. The doctors have taken him off almost all pain medication and he's still so confused. He's also very weak and still not getting out of bed. I know I am doing the right thing by spending time with him whenever I can. But, if you've ever been in a situation like this, you know how emotionally draining it can be. I spoke with the neurosurgeon yesterday. He reminded me that Dad has been on some heavy duty narcotics for a long time - and he is taking P.rkinson's medication. He also stressed that he needs to be taken out of the hospital environment where they can get him up, moving and stimulated. Once he is moved to rehab, he can see his neurologist and determine what to do about the P.rkinson's medication, as they are still not convinced he actually has PD. I continue to pray - and am reminded God is in control. Although we'd like to take control, it is ultimately HIS. He is a merciful God and a loving God. We will be ok.

Back to work! I'll come back later to post those photos.

Just Another Miracle Today! :-)

2008-05-17T08:13:00.007-04:00

.
.
DAD did very well. The surgery was intense - approximately 12 hours. He removed 2 vertebrae (T-12 and L1) replacing it with titanium cages, 4 screws and bone taken from a rib. Although recovery will be difficult, Dr. R told us the pain before surgery was worse than what he will experience throughout his recovery. 5-7 days in the hospital, followed by a couple weeks in rehab and then home, if all goes well. What they saw on the MRI was scar tissue and inflammation from a previous blood infection, which may be the cause of the breakdown. Both the discs had liquified. They are sending everything off for testing, but he felt confident it was not cancer.

After so many many months of pain and suffering God answered our prayers. This neurosurgeon saved my Dad's life. We will forever be grateful to this gifted man.
Thank you God, for this miracle. And, thank you, friends, for your prayers.

My Mamma did very well, too. We were very proud of her. She went to see him before surgery (6:00 AM) and was able to stick it out the whole time. We heard NOTHING from the hospital staff from 7:15 AM - 10:15 PM. It had to be the most difficult 14 hours ever.

I am off to get a little sleep! :-) Patti

Surgery

2008-05-16T06:02:00.002-04:00

Dad is scheduled for back surgery this morning at 8:00 AM (Eastern Time).

It's a very intense, 10-hour surgery. They will remove a vertebrae (T-12) and replace it with a steel "cage". The test results showed the vertebrae is broken. They also saw "something" such as a lesion or tumor, but won't know for sure until they get inside.

The surgery is difficult. It is a surgery they do not like to do unless necesssary. In Dads situation, the only other option was to keep him on morphin.

Prayers welcome!

CT Scan & Biopsy

2008-05-15T11:25:00.003-04:00

As I type this, my Dad is having a CT Scan and biopsy done of the area in question. The area is the last "T" vertabrae.

The past few days have been rough. He is confused and really does not understand what is happening.

I'll post again later, once we receive the report.

Thank You For Your Prayers!

2008-05-14T01:41:00.003-04:00

The Bible teaches us "Where two or more are gathered together in MY name, there am I in the midst of them.. "(Matthew 18:20).

Ups & Downs

2008-05-13T23:08:00.003-04:00

Tuesday Evening . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

My emotions have been all over the place.

I felt much better when Dad started showing signs of improvement after being OFF one of the pain medications over the past 48 hours.

I hadn't been in to see him, I HAD to take a few days to process things. After work tonight, we went to see him. He was better- but still in SO MUCH pain and very confused.

I left feeling there is a little more hope. Perhaps things will get better?

THEN..... on the way home, we received a phone call from my sister. The neuro-surgeon called with results of an MRI Dad had on Monday. They found "something" on his spine and need to do further testing immediately. Soooooo, they transferred him downtown, to the larger hospital at 10:00 at night! They want to run further tests first thing tomorrow.

Again, I am trying to sort through my thoughts. Can't help but wonder what the future holds.
I know we aren't supposed to worry - God is in complete control. But, it's so, so hard not to.

I am going to bed now. Tomorrow is another day. Another day of perhaps many more UPS and DOWNS. Thank you God, for holding us in the palms of your hands.

PS .... A note to anyone who may be reading this post. Be SURE your loved ones have a H.EALTH C.ARE P.ROXY in place and someone is aware of their wishes! If necessary, a D.N.R. should also be in place. Don't wait until something happens, you just never know. Trust me, it's important.

Up-Date On My Dad....

2008-05-11T15:53:00.001-04:00

My Dad came home from rehab on Friday morning, much to my disagreement. I was right . . again, they were very wrong. We had so many problems with them, from sending the wrong charts to Dad's physician, to filling his medications improperly. Anyhow, we brought him home and he collapsed at the front door. I injured my back trying to hold him up. Ended up having to call the paramedics to carry him up 6 steps. They just looked at me and said "G - - - - -'s sent him home like this?" And "Now what are you going to do?". He was on the couch in horrible pain ALL day. When I went to the pharmacy to fill his meds, the orders were all wrong. They sent him home with insulin and NO DOSING instructions. I called the home and the DIRECTOR said "We are very sorry but once they are discharged I can not help you". Needless to say, we called 911 again and Dad is back in the hospital. Yesterday, I found him completely undressed in a wet bed. He knew our names, but was hallucinating really bad. He's lost control of his bladder and his eyes roll around. He keeps telling me he's going to die. My gut feeling is that he knows what's talking about. And, if this is how life is going to be, he's entitled to that. I broke down at the hospital last night. BT was having a tough time and my heart was breaking. I felt bad because my nieces got off the elevator and found me crying in the waiting area. The kids are all so sad, as it is. So, We need your prayers, please.

Stuff...

2008-05-09T00:24:00.007-04:00

Days have been rather draining for me, both emotionally and physically. I feel like I should be stronger, but I am not. I am really worried about my parents, my Dad in particular.

Yesterday was BT's birthday! ( Happy 38th Honey, I love you soooo much XOXOXO ) I didn't have a present - and he was home sleeping. So, when I got out of work I decided to go to T a r g e t! Our T a r g e t is one with S t a r b u c k s inside. I treated myself to a Hot Chai Tea and browsed, very slowy, through the store. It felt so good to be alone and get my mind off things. I ended up buying my DH "H o w I M e t Y o u r M ot h e r" Season 2 DVD's and gift cards for i tunes. My honey was happier than a pig in mud ;-) !

But, I needed to buy SOMETHING to perk me up! I walked through the baby department (which I've been avoiding for several months) and saw a Graco Pack 'n Play I really like. AND ..it was on Sale! Normally $100, on sale through Saturday for $70. And .... YES! I bought it! And it felt good.

Here's a photo -

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Today was another draining day - I don't mean to sound like a downer - it's just really, really hard. An old friend surprised me at work and stopped by for a visit. She made my day. It felt so good to see her and talk to her. I need to e-mail her and let her know how wonderful it was to see and thank her for her genuine concern. She's a sweetie! I am so lucky to have her as my friend.

My sister took Dad to a new neurologist today. He is reviewing Dad's history (still waiting for all the records to come in) and told my sister he is not convinced Dad has P a r k i n son's Disease.

WHAT ON EARTH? Could my Dad have been misdiagnosed for over 2 years? AND what about all the medication he was taking to treat P a r k i n son's Disease? I am not sure what to think of it. Except, could it be a good thing? Could my Dad have something treatable afterall? We shall see.

In the meantime, he is being released from Rehab tomorrow to come home. We're excited to bring him home, yet afraid.

Time for a good night's rest!

We're in a good place to be!

2008-05-03T11:37:00.003-04:00

I had a wonderful discussion with the adoption agency Director yesterday morning.

BT and I have been very anxious about the length of our wait. For those of you who do not know, we're now into our 4th year of waiting.

Some very important questions we had:

Has the agency "wait time" changed over the 4 year period? We understood an average wait time to be 2 years.

Are they placing babies? How often?

Are other couples who went through home study with us still waiting, as well?

Should we consider changing our profile to help us gain exposure?

First, we talked about the "wait" overall. We talked about the many reasons it is so hard to place a "time limit" on the wait. So, so many factors are involved. But, yes, many of the couples have been waiting a long, long time.

April proved to be a successful month for the agency as they placed 5 babies in their forever homes. This is A LOT for our small agency. Praise God!

Although they typically do not like to disclose this information, we are COUPLE # 3, which is a very good place to be! This "could" change, however unlikely, in the event another couple who has worked with the agency and been on "hold" decides to become active again. The two couples ahead of us have both waited 1 year longer than we. The two couples below us went through home study around the same time we did.

Now, just because we are COUPLE # 3, this does not mean placement will happen in that order.

Typically, when a birthparent decides she is ready to view parent profiles, the agency considers her wishes for her baby and matches her to couples who share most of the same preferences.

They will then show her the first 5 (who, of course, she shares the most preferences).

Many times the birthmother will choose from the first 5, however she is not obligated and is given the opportunity to view the next 5 if she so chooses. So you can see how easy it would be to be passed by.

She pulled out profile and shared much of the activity with me. We were shown many times we were not even aware of. We were chosen on at least 1 occasion (perhaps more), that didn't work out because the birthfather did not support placement. She felt our profile is showing well and does not need changes. However, we are always welcome to send new pictures and pages. And... if we'd like to discuss preferences, we may do so with our caseworker. In the Directors honest opinion, she did not feel we needed to.

Oh... while discussing how difficult the wait can be, I shared my feelings about family and friends putting on the pressure, doubting our choices, etc. We agreed sometimes when people think they are actually helping, they are in fact, only hurting and taking away from our journey. It's hard to understand why people who love us, can't seem to accept our choices. Instead of doubting, judging, etc. . why can't some people cheer us on, encourge us and hold us up in prayer?

Anyhow.....

We're up there at the top of the list! Activity is happening! Our birthmother just hasn't found us, yet! We feel better knowing all of this. God is good and has a plan!

Baby Names

2008-04-22T23:57:00.002-04:00

We've been discussing names again ....

last night we came up with "Ginni Alexandra" for a girl.

My grandmother's name was Virginia (thus Ginni) and my grandfather was Alexander (thus Alexandra).

We both like it, alot.

Boys names are much harder, I think.