What A Party! :-)

Just wanted to share a few pics taken of the kids at VC's Graduation party!
The party was great - good food, good friends, good times. :-)
He'll be leaving for college in 2 weeks .......

I am so happy for him, yet so sad to see him go.

Going Crazy!

I've been logging on with intentions to post. I just don't know what to say?

We heard "nothing" from our agency.

Something just seemed "different" about this situation. She called and was only able to give me a few minutes to call her back, or they would have to pass on showing our profile. That leads me to believe something came up rather suddenly. Or, perhaps they hadn't considered us because of our other commitment and then they remembered we had pulled out and decided to add us to the profiles at the last moment? When I called her back, she was already in the parking lot, leaving for the appointment and came back in to take my call. She had to know right then if she could take our profile. OF COURSE! OF COURSE!! :-) :-) :-) :-)

The last thing she said to me was "I may not call you back today, she may not decide that soon" .... Now, that led me to believe she was going to let us know something.
In the past, she called to tell us when we were not the chosen couple. Could it be we were chosen and she isn't calling because they really aren't supposed to tell us? Or, perhaps the birthmother hasn't made up her mind - or has decided not to place. Holy cow! How long must we wait in "limbo".

Either way a phone call would be nice! We are going crazy!

I sat down at the desk earlier today - with intention to call HER. I chickened out.

That's where we stand - and ALL we think about. . . .

I feel like God is smiling down on us and saying "Be Patient".

Patience, Pep, Patience .....

The phone rang several times today - it was crazy!

Unfortunately, of all the calls, not one from the agency.

I thought for sure we'd hear something today.

Overcome with Joy! :-)

So I got through the day without breathing a word to ANYONE! :-)
Our CW hinted that she may call and let me know - but I don't know how she can do that. Unless, because there's this very slight risk - she has to tell us from the beginning? I am not sure? I am overcome with JOY that our profile was shown. It helps to know we're active. I promised myself I wouldn't get down if we aren't chosen. But if we are - I will be one very excited Mamma! ;)

It's almost 2 AM - Sleepy Time!

Feeling Prayerful . .

The agency called first thing this morning. Our profile is being shown today!

Things Happen For A Reason

Today was a busy day! I can't begin to describe the various activities I found myself juggling. . . At one point I had 2 phones ringing, an infant with a fever, overly stimulated preschoolers walking by my office saying "Hi Miss Patti", "I love you, Miss Patti", "Can we go to the Zoo next week?", a staff member complaining because I bought Oscar Meyer Hot Dogs, Not Sahlen's, a very upset child because she didn't have a Camp T-shirt to wear on today's field trip (Daddy forgot to order it and came begging to see if there are ANY extras, LOL), All the while, I was attempting to put together 2 ADS for the paper - and the deadline for submission is tomorrow. Why am I saying this? Because while all this was going on - in just a few short minutes, I unknowingly missed a call from our adoption agency. Apparently, she went right to VM, both my phones were already ringing. So, I found the message, 15 minutes after the agency had closed for the day. Since I just talked to them Friday, I did not expect to hear from her again, so soon. Her message was vague - but detailed enough to let me know they have a few questions regarding our profile/preferences as they are working with a new bmom. I am very eager to talk to her tomorrow! :-)

I am so thankful I called her when I did. Had I not called to inform her we were not going to adopt Stephanie's baby - she would not be considering us for this new situation. Things happen for a reason.

The Right Decision....

Tracey, you didn't miss something. I haven't really provided may details. I many have earlier on - but at one point I deleted some posts.

In the beginning, it appeared to be the "perfect" adoption situation. . . every potential adoptive parents dream. I met her, and quickly found myself very fond of her. I was planning to go to doctor appointments with her, and perhaps be in the delivery room.

As time went on, she became very needy - to the point BT, I and our agency became concerned. We also noticed she wavered in her decision. . . rather frequently. Not to mention, once the bfather heard about her visit with our agency, he called them and told them he does not want to meet us and will NOT sign.

More and more "red flags" contineud to surface.

In addition to all of this - there was a great deal of "openness". We lived in the same town, knew a lot of the same people, etc. I knew way too much than I needed to know about her family situation - one that was extremely unhealthy.

I believe in my heart, and always will, she needs to place the baby. If she does not, I can almost guarantee CPS will get involved and the baby will end up in the system.

I keep in touch - try to encourage, offer support, etc. I want to do anything I can, hoping she'll remain comfortable with placing. Our agency has other wonderful couples to choose from.

I believe we made the right decision. But, at times, it still hurts. To come so close, again - and have to walk the other way. We did not feel it was the placement for us - and didn't want our profile to be put on hold from now until October.

I think of her so often - she'll always be special to me. I just hope she knows that!

The Weekend

It's been a few days. I feel I should up-date.

I cannot believe the weekend has come and gone so quickly. I had wonderful intentions - yet, found myself very lazy. It was an overwhelming week, guess I needed a chance to veg?

Friday morning, I spoke to Stephanie and explained to her BT and I have decided not to adopt her baby, should she decide to make an adoption plan. Although she knew we may be doing so, it still came as a surprise to her. She was so quiet - and when i asked her if she was ok - she said her feelings were hurt. All in all, I thought the conversation went very well. I promised her (and the agency) we would not turn our backs on her. Naturally, it's much easier for me to be a friend to her, now that we both know.

So it's now official - everyone knows.

I made an awesome bow tie pasta dish this weekend I found in a magazine. It's a definite keeper! Perhaps I will come back and post the recipe, if anyone may want to try it.

My previous post is about my cousin, Ann who is fighting inperable pancreatic cancer. Please take a moment to read it - and if you're willing, say a little pray for them.

It's late - and I have a kitchen to clean. Nite All!

Praying For My Cousin's Wife, Ann.....

Ann

Randy, Ann, Andrew, Erin,
Meredith, Uncle Bobby & Aunt Sue


This is a recent email I received from my cousin, Randy seeking prayer for his wife, Ann who have been diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer.

It's so hard to believe, a person you know and love, who appears to be very healthy could possibly be facing a serious illness such as this. . My heart and my prayers go out to them.

For anyone reading my blog who believes in the power of prayer - please pray in faith, knowing God will answer, that my cousin may receive divine healing from our wonderful God.

Hugs - Pep

Hello All,

I want to let you know that Erin has created a website to keep everybody up to date on Ann. You can find it at annmooredotorg. Ann has just completed three rounds of chemotherapy. She has an off week this week. On July 23rd she begins a 5-week stay in Indianapolis for daily radiation treatment and continued weekly chemotherapy at the IU Med Center. The goal is to shrink the tumor to the point they can operate. Right now the tumor is inoperable because it is too close to some vital veins. Before Ann's diagnosis, we used to pray for a specific need and then add "if it be your will." Well, we have since come to realize that it is not God's will for any of us to have cancer. God will is that we be whole and live out our full years. So we are asking our family and friends to pray in faith for Ann's healing, believing that he is able and willing to do it. In the Gospel of Mark, Jesus says "whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."I know that many of you are powerful prayer warriors. Please take my wife, Ann, to the throne of grace through prayer. Then thank and praise the mighty name of Jesus,whose blood purchased our redemption and our healing. And please know that we are praying for you too!

With Love, Randy

Up-date on Doc Appt's

I am so overly tired - but I feel like I need to up-date before I forget things.

BT and I went to the doctor last night. After she talked to BT, she came and asked me a few questions about what I feel is going on with him. She said all his bloodwork looks good - thyroid and blood sugar all in normal ranges. Her biggest concern is that he is getting too old to be working overnight! Of course, he does not want to hear it. She also talked to us about diet & exercise.
So we need to modify some things and see her again in 2 months.
As far as I am concerned... I talked to her about the pain I have in my left ankle/heel. It's been bothering me for 2 solid months. Some days I can barely put weight down on it - and I am to the point I always walk with a limp. Well, she says I have Planters Fasiitis. I wasn't thrilled to hear it. Apparently, once you have it you will always have problems with it. She made some recommendations and will send me for physical therapy if needed. It sure is upsetting my evening routine - as we've grown to love our walks!

Work is busy! But, a good busy! We're keeping the Summer Campers on their toes.
Tomorrow is DQ day - nothing like a delicious ice cream cone and on HOT day. Hoping rain doesn't interfere, as we are walking. Thursday we're going to a Wizard of Oz Festival - and from what I hear there will be some of the original Munchkins there.
We've seen them before and the kids always get a kick out of it. Friday is swimming at the town pool. Next weeks agenda includes a tour of the fire hall and a trip to miniature golf. So fun!

Enough for one night! :-) Hugs to all my blogger buddies!!!

New Curtains! :-)

The highlight of my weekend was buying new curtains for my home office :-)
I cleaned the room really, really well and hung new curtains.... I think it looks great. I wanted striped/casual - it wasn't easy to find what I was looking for, but we succeeded.

My entire house needs cleaning - so I started with this room. Next on the agenda - the family room.

I really hate cleaning - but love the end result!

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Adoption Reassurance

This is so touching!

What I Am Thinking Tonight...

BT is asleep, the house is quiet -

I am so concerned about BT. He sleeps so much. Not that he likes it or wants it - he cannot stay awake. He's beat, most of the time. I don't remember the last time I saw him rested. I hate it! We need quality time together and yet it's so hard to find. We're going to the doctor Monday - I hope she takes it seriously. The last time we talked to her about it she recommended room darkening blind. Augh!

Both birthmothers I've recently dealt with are keeping in touch with me. :/ Rachel already has an adoptive family picked out through a local attorney. She seems to need someone to talk to and encourage her. We e-mail back and forth several times a day. Stephanie calls me everyday - several times. She left another message tonight hoping we can get together over the weekend. She knows we are moving on and she is now leaning toward parenting.

I learned so much through these young women! Although we are not adopting from either of them, I've been given a front seat view of adoption through the eyes of a birthmother. I have found it very interesting and touching. I have found I have a DEEP, DEEP sense of compassion for these young ladies. It's almost as if God is working in my life - but I am not sure where it's going to take me. I've asked Him - but He has not been so quick to answer! ;)

I mean, shouldn't I be more upset things didn't work out? I care about them - they are what matters - and I hope to see them both make the right decision, even though I already know we will not be a part of the equation.

And then there is Jamie. Jamie is a young lady I have known since she was an infant herself. She is YOUNG, single and on her own with an 8 mth old baby boy. She made an adoption plan and chose a wonderful couple to adopt her baby. But, when the baby was born, she could not sign the papers. She decided to parent. Now, I haven't seen her in years - and doesn't she look me up and enroll the little one in my day care?
She appears to be doing well, on her own and the baby is absolutley a blessing!
It was interesting hearing her tell her story, as she had no idea BT and I were hopeful adoptive parents. When I told her, we "clicked"! Here I am trying to set a good example and offer encourage when she needs it.

Tonight - I am thankful for these brave, young ladies. I am thankful for the connection we share. And, I am thankful to call each of them "friend".

Now, I know I've complained - because the pain of waiting is so strong.
But, I know each of these girls made the best decision for their child. I am proud of them - they are courageous young ladies. =)

4th of July

Happy Birthday America!

I know I am a little late posting - but I am still awake and winding down. It didn't seem like the 4th of July today - too much rain, fog and thunder! So, we postponed our BBQ 'til tomorrow. It will work out well since tomorrow is actually Poppy's birthday! Using the Cake Doctor book I made an awesome cake ... CAN'T WAIT 'TIL TOMORROW!

Rachel (the gal who called me Memorial Day to see about us adopting her baby) finally touched base with us today. The news was a little sad (for us) ... Apparently her Mother did not want her to go through an agency, so she contacted a lawyer who set them up with a adoptive couple. So, she is matched with them.
I wished her well and tried not to let is upset me. Afterall, God has a plan - and I need to remember that and keep the faith! Although it's getting really tough.

Stepanie also called today (several times). She wanted to know if we (Me, her and BT) could go see Fireworks together. She is sweet, the whole thing breaks me heart.

Waaaaaaaaah!

I can't shake this. I am so, so down in the dumps. I cry at the drop of a hat.

I want our baby now, DARN IT!

I've had enough waiting, enough being patient.

It isn't fair, makes no sense and is about to drive me batty.

And those of you who have known me, know this is so unlike me. But for goodness sakes......

A Very Hard Decision

Today was just a horrible, horrible day. BT and I made the decision not to pursue this recent adoption opportunity. I know we made the right choice, but it hurts, bad. I was not prepared for all the emotions. Although it hurts .... I learned alot, and for that I am grateful, seriously.

Although I only knew her for about a week - I felt I was able to see the adoption process through the eyes of a birthmother. Although it didn't work out - I will always think of her and her bravery. I have a place for her in the corner of my heart and I will pray for her and the baby. Our agency assured me they have families they will present to her - I can only hope she will stay on board with them and let them help her through this time.

So, we're "waiting" again. And it's seems like it may never happen. I have often reminded myself, GOD IS IN CONTROL. It just seems He is so, so far away. :(

I know, I know ... KEEP THE FAITH and KEEP LOOKING UP!

Good News Regarding My Health! :-)

I've had some concerns regarding my blood sugar.
So, I started seeing a new endocrinologist.
This week, I had a follow up with him.

I lost 9 pounds AND brought my blood pressure back down to "normal".

I credit it to all the walking BT and I have been doing.

Finally, I am on the right road! :-)

Graduation Then and Now ....

Kindergarten Graduation 1995......

High School Graduation 2007 .......

VC's High School Graduation

My boy (nephew) graduated from high school last night! We didn't think we were going to be able to attend, as seats were limited. At the last minute, he managed a few extra tickets from friends who had extras. Just had to share in the celebration! Way to go VC! We love you so much!

Jogging Stroller!

For exercise, BT and I walk - we strive for everyday!! When visiting my brother, I discovered how nice it is to walk with a jogging stroller, instead of a regular stroller. So, I've researched and found the BABY TREND rated very well, without getting into the high-end expensive ones. I've been keeping my eyes open for a "new to gently used". To my surprise a very nice woman contacted me to see if I was still looking! YES YES YES I was. She bought one in April - and soon after her in-laws bought them one. She didn't want to hurt their feelings, so she accepted it and sold the almost new one to me! She told me she purchased it at BABIES R US for $149.99. I went and checked it out! We offered her $75 and she accepted! I am so happy!!!


Now I just need my baby :D

It's A Boy!

The "Needle and Thread" gender selector doesn't always work! I did it on my friend just this week. It was pretty clear she was having a GIRL. At 7:48 pm tonight, she delivered a 7 lb., 14 oz. healthy baby BOY!

CONGRATULATIONS! We're so proud for you!!!!!!

"Wait" by Russell Kelfer

Big hugs and thanks to Kathy and Trace who posted this poem on their blogs!

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait!"
"'Wait?', you say, wait!" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By FAITH I have asked, and am claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"And Lord, you promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting. . .for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want--but, you wouldn't know ME.

"You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

"You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save. . .(for a start),
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night.
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss! if I lost what I'm doing in you!

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
THAT THE GREATEST OF GIFTS IS TO GET TO KNOW ME.
And though oft may my answers seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to WAIT."

~Author Russell Kelfer ~

No Reply...

After I got off the phone with R on Monday - I sent her an e-mail letting her know it was nice talking to her and I looked forward to talking to her again and hopefully meeting soon. She has not replied. Wednesday, she had a doctor appt and would find out whether she is having a boy or a girl. As promised, I called to see how she made out. She did not return my call. I tried again on Friday morning. She answered the phone but asked if she could call me back. I said "Of course, whenever it is good for you". She did not call me back. I believe it's yet another dead end.

1 Boy, 2 Girls?

Have you wondered how many pregnancies and whether it will be a girl or a boy?

Let the needle tell you.

Here is a method that may surprise you.

What to do:

Thread a sewing needle and knot it (so the needle hangs about 6-10 inches from the knot).

Hold your left hand out, palm down.

Hold the knot in your right hand with the forefinger and thumb only.

Holding your left hand still, swing the needle so the needle hits the inside curve of your thumb (where the thumb meets the hand) three times.

Then turn your left hand over and move the right hand over the left, holding the needle just an inch or so above the palm of the left hand.

Hold both hands still and let the needle do the work.

The needle will begin to move:
Circles = girls
Lines = boys

It will stop moving completely in between each pregnancy.

Turn off any fans and make sure circulating air is not affecting the reading. ENJOY!

IF there's any truth behind this - and IF it works for adoptions. . we'll have 1 boy, followed by 3 girls! Anyone else care to give it a whirl?

Well, My Phone Rang Today -

Happy Memorial Day!

I did nothing today...nothing. Just relaxed and it felt great.

I received a very interesting phone call. A friend called to tell me she was talking to her Mom at a family picnic. She was telling her Mom about BT and I - because someone they both know is pregnant and "may" need to make an adoption plan. Her Mom proceeded to tell her that she met a young lady (in her 20's) in one of her EMT classes - she is 6 mths pregnant and wants to make an adoption plan. She lives at home, with her parents and her 2 year old daughter. They called her to tell her about us - and she wanted to speak to me! So, I called her.
We had a very nice chat. She's really sweet, outgoing, friendly and very upbeat. She is going for an ultrasound on Wednesday, so I will call her then to see how things are going. In the meantime she wants to meet us - perhaps this weekend.

Something new to pray about!

Life is good!

Life is good - things are looking good!

Camp Registrations and Fall Before/After Care Registrations are rolling in! Graduation is falling together nicely. And the best news . . . my assistant has offered to come back to work starting next week. She will stay through 'til school starts back up. So, I'll have her for 3 1/2 months. See how GOD works?! :)

We had some papers we needed to complete and send in to the adoption agency - they are up-dating our homestudy. Everything is in, except my medical. I have to wait a few weeks to get in.

I wanted to share today's scripture from Joel Osteen's devotional:

“Because of your faith it will happen.” (Matthew 9:29)

So simple, yet so meaningful. And, it will happen! Our baby will come ....

A Gentle & Peaceful Spirit Is Precious In The Sight of God

I've been thinking alot about my "focus" in life. This was brought on by days & nights of feeling anxious, upset, impatient and disturbed. Being anxious weighs down your heart and creates a certain sadness. Then I began to think about my relationship with Christ. I had to admit I was feeling very far away from God. I knew He had great plans for me. But, sometimes it seemed easier to "ignore" what God is saying than to open my heart and my life to the plan He has made for me. These plans were made even before I drew my first breath!

That, to me, is amazing!

Instead of finding peace, knowing God would provide, I was belly-aching over not having a child to call my own. Seriously, all I want is to be a Mommy! That's not asking alot, is it? But, instead of making my requests known, I was also trying to control how it would happen, when it would happen, etc....

My marriage has suffered tremendously. This isn't the way our life together was suppose to play out. We had a plan! A beautiful wedding, a new home, a baby or two, etc. etc. . Isn't that the all American way? Instead we faced infertility, a long wait for an adoption, very ill parents and several losses along the way (we lost many loved ones, but I'll save that for a different post).

Stress took over and suddenly our "home" wasn't such a happy home afterall. We're working on it, as a team. But it took a lot to open our eyes and focus! I love BT with all my being. With God's grace we can rebuild what was lost.

Thinking! Thinking! Thinking! It has consumed my life. But it helped me to realize what I really needed to do. And that is FOCUS ON MY RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST. To do this, I had to open my heart and be willing to hear whatever God is telling me. Slowly, I feel my relationship with Christ will grow and He won't seem so far away. I am looking to God for answers to where He wants me to be. I am trusting God to help me find peace. I am trusting God to help me mend my broken marriage. I am trusting God to work on BT's heart, just like He is working on mine.

God is offering me a gentle and peaceful spirit, it is mine, all I have to do is ask! Isn't that amazing? What a gracious and loving God we share!

During this time of "waiting" - I will focus on Him. As I grow closer, I feel confident God will bless our home and our marriage. And, someday a sweet, precious baby will be placed in our arms. From there - I do not know where our life will go. God is at work! :-)

And someday, when I meet Jesus face-to-face, this life of mine, complete with all the trials and tribulations, will make perfect sense!

KEEP LOOKING UP!

Thank You Trace!! You're in my prayers, girl!

Thank you, Trace, for your post! I appreciate the insights, suggestions, support and love! :-)
I know you and Sweetness have faced a lot, as well. I know your hearts ache for a baby - just like ours. And, someday, my friend, we'll have our babies in our arms.

My friend offered me a most precious gift - the gift to carry a baby for BT and I. She has always been the one who understood what we've faced and offered support all along the way. She's that kind of person... and she's a Mom to 3 beautiful little ones! It showed me how very precious this friend is and always will be. I love her to pieces!

My heart was touched - my emotions were overflowing. Her sweet words echoed in my mind all day. I will never forget her kindness and her spirit!

BT and I talked about it but concluded it isn't what we're prepared to do at this time.
We would once again face all the trials of infertility treatments, as the baby would be biologically ours. We put that behind us 3 + years ago and decided adoption was Gods plan. And, that is where we focus. Yes, it's been a long, long wait - but God is good and His timing is always perfect.

Generosity & Excitement

My dear, sweet friend called again today. She wanted to tell me she had a dream she was pregnant with a baby for BT and Me! There was such excitement in her voice as she told me it was the most realistic dream she's ever had. She so wants to have a baby for us - I am touched by her love and generosity.

A True Friend Indeed

I felt this story deserves it's own post.

I received a phone call today - from a dear, sweet friend. She was my assistant at the day care center for several years and is now a SAHM.

We chatted for a while. Then she brought up Mother's Day. She thought of me and knew it had to be hard.

She then said something I never expected her to say. She wanted me to know she is more than willing to have a baby for BT and I. She wanted us to know, if we needed her to surrogate, there would be no question in her mind - she'd do it in a heartbeat! What sweeter gift could a friend offer?

We've had other offers - another friend, my sister and a dear friend in Florida. All of them, equally touched us.

I told BT at dinner - he was speechless.

Although our focus is on the adoption - it's something to think and pray over.

COULD I ASK FOR BETTER FRIENDS? I say NOT!

BT's Birthday & Mother's Day

4 weeks ago, our SW informed us the possible situation was no longer a possibility - the bmother had decided to parent. Since then, no word from the agency. I worked from home today - and twice the phone rang and came up PRIVATE CALLER. My heart sank. But no, neither one was the agency. :(

I haven't posted since BT's birthday! He had 2 great celebrations. First, we went to see his family and visited a PF Changs for the first time, very cool! The next day we went to Famous Dave's with my family, again...very cool! But, there was some sadness on his part. Birthdays are becoming reminders we are only getting older and do not have a baby in our arms.

On Saturday, my sister helped the girls (ages 9 & 11) make dinner for their Mother, Grandmothers and Me. I really didn't want to go but the girls wanted me there because I was "like" a mother to them. How sweet it that? So, I put on a happy face and went. They made chicken legs & pork chops, potatoes, peas, salad and turnovers. They wrote 3 poems, one for Grandma, one for Nana and one for ME. I will come back and post the poem they wrote me.

Mother's Day was hard. I kept busy. I was hoping for a quiet day at home. But, my sisters family came over to do some landscaping for my parents. I was nominated to make dinner.
Kept it easy - pulled pork, homemade baked beans, homemade macaroni salad, kentucky wonder beans, etc... very delicious.

I couldn't help but think about all the women out there who were very sad on Mother's Day.
The ones who recently lost a mom, the ones who lost a child, the ones who would never become a mom, the ones waiting to be a mom, the list could go on and on. It's very sad, indeed.
And... seems so unfair.

Today

Today BT is not a happy camper. His boss informed him they are making changes.

BT is a NEWS writer. As of Monday, he's been assigned to a different show. He will now go to work at 1:00 AM and get off @ 9:00 AM. Those hours simply stink; just don't work with our lifestyle.

This is Sweeps! The ratings are down on the show. Of course they are, they compete with GOOD MORNING AMERICA and THE TODAY SHOW. The boss wants to try to bring the ratings up.

So, BT was Mister Cranky Pants ALL DAY today. I don't blame him.

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I haven't blogged in a week. We've been so busy - mostly at work. Graduation is approaching, Summer Camp Registration is in progress and I am down a Teacher. By the way, her surgery was a success and she is already home recovering. Still praying her sight is restored.

Good News! I have a "plan" for an Office Assistant. I finally feel really good about one of the current workers. I don't want to jump on it too quickly. But, by the end of the school year I'd like to talk to her about working in my office (fingers crossed).

* * * * * * * * * *

We had eye exams today. Since my prescription changed, I'll be shopping for new glasses. :-)
BT's didn't change; he's happy with the ones he has.

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We walked tonight, in the rain! I am finally getting back into a routine. I have to. I also have to start testing my blood sugar several times throughout the day and keeping a record of it for my new Endo. I hate it! I hate needles!

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Wish I had adoption news to share. It's been Q U I E T, very Q U I E T!
We're doing OK - I think?

A little brighter ...

Much better day today! :-)

My business partner's sister is improving ....

And my co-worker had tests today that ruled out an aneurysm. :-)
She is scheduled for surgery tomorrow @ 2 pm to remove the tumor.

Life - Everything Happens For A Reason

Been thinking a lot about life. Especially since we've faced so many losses our first 5 years of marriage. I have decided we'll never really find the meaning of life. We just need to figure out how to persevere and make the best of what life gives us each day. God is good, God is great, this we know. He truly doesn't give us more than we can handle and He definitely has a purpose for everything. What would we do without our faith?

Today was a troublesome day. I am in a fog, quite the slump. My business partner's sister is in ICU; following a car accident. Our Beginner Pre-K teacher is in the hospital, preparing for surgery Wed. morning. She lost her sight in one eye and is losing it in another. They found a "mass" pushing on her pituitary gland. It may be a tumor (hopefully benign)or it may be an aneurysm. I am really, really worried about her and feel so bad she has to go through this. She's a wonderful person - and so does not deserve this.

I didn't add to my blog all weekend because it was simple a blah weekend - the only thing we did was go to the funeral home for Uncle Fred. I wanted to keep my blog a happy place - I hate it when there's so much saddness.

So BT took me out to dinner tonight. It was nice, just us. Perhaps just what I needed after an absolutely lousy day.

Goodnight .....

A Heart Warming Afternoon

So I met our (hopefully) new accountant today. She's very down to earth and helpful! Now I just have to work at getting our case load switched over to her without upsetting anyone.

We talked adoption. It was so nice to sit down with someone face-to-face and talk about my story, fears, the wait, etc . . and to hear her story. She and her DH adopted 2 children, both through a private attorney. She endured alot of the same pains we have. But, in the end she has 2 wonderful boys! After a long, at times emotional chat, she left me with a word of advice. .
"I've yet to meet a couple who wanted to adopt and didn't, it WILL HAPPEN"!
She's so right.

It's a gorgeous day today! :-) Spring may actually be coming! It's so good to hear the sounds of the children playing outside - it seems we've been cooped up for so long.

Back to work ......

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him

We heard from our SW yesterday. She left a message on our home machine. I thought it would of been nice of her to at least call me at work and talk to me personally, but... oh well.

Apparently, the birthmom we were being shown to on Friday has decided to parent. Although our SW was sorry to give us the news, she also mentioned it is a good situation (that she is going to parent). I trust her judgement and I am sure she's right - if there were doubts, and she's decided to parent, I cannot hold that against her. But I do wonder why these little "teases" happen to us! It doesn't make sense and it's simply not fair!

And so, we're back to waiting . . . again. I think we're stuck here.

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As I am typing this post, I hear the little "click" indicating I have mail. So I took a peek to see what it may be. It was a daily memory verse. I opened it up.
The first words I read were "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him".
Could it have popped into my mailbox at a better time? I highly doubt it.
I am still amazed at how God works, how His timing is so perfect, even during times we doubt Him the most.

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We had some trouble with our accountant this year. I wasn't happy, I liked her a lot, a real lot but she was very short and cold with me this year. We had to cancel some appointments with her when my father-in-law was sick and when he passed away. Apparently, she didn't like it. As a result, a different girl in the firm was given our account. I really like the new girl, I feel like we're getting a fresh start, she's very nice, personable, helpful, etc. The interesting twist to the story (and reason I am posting this) is she has 2 little ones at home she and her DH adopted.
We're meeting face to face for the first time today - gonna chat adoption, too!
I am really excited!

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Yesterday was my annual GYN visit. My ultrasound and paps (from January) came back just fine.

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Phone just rang - bad news - Uncle Fred passed away this morning :(

Feeling Blue

I did not call our SW today. It was a busy/crazy day at work - very little down time. There were a few shorts moments I thought I could sneak a call - but I didn't. Can't explain it. Just hoping, perhaps, I'll hear something from her.

I was thinking about it today- my goodness, when I think about how long we've waited it all seems like a big dream. It's almost as if it's something we're always going to "dream" about but may never come true. Am I losing the "reality" of it all - or am I guarding my heart?
My feelings were hurt a few times, when I got the impression people thought it would never happen, as if BT and I were just dreaming. AND..... now I feel like I've become one of the "doubting" people. Why now? Why am I doubting? Why do I feel like giving up? Where is my faith?

Tonight, I feel like running away from anything "adoption".

I hope this goes away .......

More Adoption Thoughts ...

Tomorrow I will call our SW. I'd like to discuss the bmother situation she called about - see if I can get any additional information.

First, I'd like to clarify something. In the event we are chosen and the bmother changes her mind about placing, I want to be sure we do not remain responsible for the hospital bill.

Second, I'd like to discuss the situation a little more in-depth. I don't understand how Medicaid can possibly pass the financial responsibilty on to the adoptive parents who will not take responsiblity of the baby until it is placed with them. Seems to me, any medical bills incurred prior to TPR would be the responsibility of Medicaid.

Of course, if we need to pay them, we would. It just seems there's a missing piece to the puzzle!

I know she isn't supposed to tell us any more than she already has. But, I believe she'd tell us if we weren't chosen. And if she tells me "nothing" .. I'll naturally wonder if perhaps we were. :-)

Waiting is hard ... Not knowing is hard ...

At least with each day we become one day closer to bring our little one home!

I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!

I need to admit, publically announce, that I have failed! I need to pick myself up, and start again. I had a goal, to drink 32 ounces of water daily and go walking everyday. I have allowed so many things to get in the way ....not good.

I need to dust off the water bottles and pull out my sneakers! 'Cuz darn it, I need to do this for me! If not for myself, I need to be a healthier, happier me for BT and our upcoming baby!

Lazy, Overwhelmed, Anxious . . . .

Yesterday morning, as I was standing in the kitchen, I felt something staring at me. I looked up to find a deer peering in the dining room window watching me. When I looked outside, I found she had 3 friends in the yard with her and a big, fat black cat! Lots of nature in our yard. One of these days I am gonna have the camera handy and catch a photo of her peering in the window.

So today was a LAZY day, I mean REALLY, REALLY lazy. I had big plans. But, we were worn out. . . both of us. We literally did nothing. The drive home stressed me out last night and may have added to why I felt so outdone today. I had Mamma and the 2 girls in the truck with me, some pretty precious cargo and I could barely see the road.

It was rainy here all day. It's getting depressing. Our yard is so drab. I can't wait to get out there and clean it up, do my plants, etc.... it's taking sooooooooo long.

So, our profile was shown on Friday. I try not to think about it, but it seems to come to mind several times a day!!!! It's not like this is the first or only time it's being shown, it's just that we are aware of it (this time) and very anxious. Part of me would love to know, but could I withstand the heartache of knowing we were picked and have her change her mind? I think I am better off not knowing. My patience will pay off, someday!

I do feel a bit overwhelmed. The call was like a "reality check" for me. Whether it's this baby or the next, there will come a day we will bring home a bundle of sheer joy. I have so much I need to do!!! I can't stop thinking of what I need to do at the office and at home. Will I ever feel ready?

Somebody is 2 .....

What a FUN party! :-)




The drive down wasn't bad at all. The weather was gorgeous -perfect day for a drive.
We made it in about 4 hours, with stopping for lunch. Coming back wasn't so pretty - we drove from point A to point B in a storm - rain, sleet, etc... just yucky! I believe it also took 4 hours - but with no stops.

His party was so nice. Sas (SIL) is a great cook. She made homemade baked macaroni, I tossed a really good salad, the kids made garlic bread. Mamma & Poppy also brought Jon's favorite Pizza from Buffalo. He was thrilled!!!!

I was good to see them .......

Adoption Up-date ...

To my surprise, our sw called today and spoke to BT. They are showing our profile (as well as others) to a birthmother tomorrow.

Normally, the agency does not contact us each time our profile is shown, but this was a special circumstance.

The birthmother comes from a poor county and is on medicaid. Because she is placing the child for adoption, medicaid feels the adoptive parents should cover the hospital bill. The agency is going to fight it, but in case they do not win, she wanted to be sure we'd be prepared to pay the hospital bill. She also mentioned we have an "advantage" because the birthmother is looking for a childless couple .....must be most of the waiting couples already have children?!

That's all we know, and all we may know for a while.

I so want to get excited!! But I don't want to face another let down so I am really trying to let it go and wait (we're getting pretty good at waiting).

I thought about it ALL day - wondering if this is our turn! Lots to think about, lots to pray about.

I hope we know something soon .......

Happy Birthday Button Nose!

Happy Birthday Button Nose!

In case anyone is wondering why I refer to her as Button-Nose, that is what I started calling her as a tiny little baby - and it stuck! Sometimes I call her Button-Butt, she giggles ;)

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So my little girl is really growing up!

When my sister had her, I was single and living in my own apartment. It was a very happy time in my life - life was gooooood. They didn't live too far from me, so I had the baby quite a bit.

I miss those moments - she was the apple of my eye.

Her party was fun! She wanted her daddy's homemade ribs. Dig (my sis) made cole slaw, beans and sweet potato fries. Everything was yummy, including the delicious strawberry cake.

Important Birthday Are Coming! :-)

Today was just "one of those days" at work. I need to destress ... I need chocolate! ;)

BT and I went to the mall tonight.

Tomorrow Button Nose celebrates her 11th Birthday! We bought her sleepwear at Old Navy and some fun stuff from Claire's. We also bought Apple Jax a few outfits, his birthday is Saturday. Which, by the way, means a trip! And, yes, we're driving 3 hours each way to see him on his birthday. We're not staying overnight, making it a day trip.

Be sure to check back in a few days - I'll be posting birthday party pics!

Canandaigua Lake

Last weekend was BT's Dads funeral. We stayed in a very nice inn on the lake. We loved it so much we stayed an extra day to enjoy the view and relax. Saturday afternoon we went for a nice, long walk outside our room. Here are a few pics we took along the way. :-) Click on each photo to enlarge.

This is the place we stayed on Canandaigua Lake, I believe the largest of the Finger Lakes.....

This is the view from our room!!

A few shots we took as we walked along the water . . .

These last two are photos of boat houses.

These home are built IN the water. . so cool.

Lastly, a "fun shot" of BT enjoying the scenery!