Overcome with Joy! :-)

So I got through the day without breathing a word to ANYONE! :-)
Our CW hinted that she may call and let me know - but I don't know how she can do that. Unless, because there's this very slight risk - she has to tell us from the beginning? I am not sure? I am overcome with JOY that our profile was shown. It helps to know we're active. I promised myself I wouldn't get down if we aren't chosen. But if we are - I will be one very excited Mamma! ;)

It's almost 2 AM - Sleepy Time!

Feeling Prayerful . .

The agency called first thing this morning. Our profile is being shown today!

Things Happen For A Reason

Today was a busy day! I can't begin to describe the various activities I found myself juggling. . . At one point I had 2 phones ringing, an infant with a fever, overly stimulated preschoolers walking by my office saying "Hi Miss Patti", "I love you, Miss Patti", "Can we go to the Zoo next week?", a staff member complaining because I bought Oscar Meyer Hot Dogs, Not Sahlen's, a very upset child because she didn't have a Camp T-shirt to wear on today's field trip (Daddy forgot to order it and came begging to see if there are ANY extras, LOL), All the while, I was attempting to put together 2 ADS for the paper - and the deadline for submission is tomorrow. Why am I saying this? Because while all this was going on - in just a few short minutes, I unknowingly missed a call from our adoption agency. Apparently, she went right to VM, both my phones were already ringing. So, I found the message, 15 minutes after the agency had closed for the day. Since I just talked to them Friday, I did not expect to hear from her again, so soon. Her message was vague - but detailed enough to let me know they have a few questions regarding our profile/preferences as they are working with a new bmom. I am very eager to talk to her tomorrow! :-)

I am so thankful I called her when I did. Had I not called to inform her we were not going to adopt Stephanie's baby - she would not be considering us for this new situation. Things happen for a reason.

The Right Decision....

Tracey, you didn't miss something. I haven't really provided may details. I many have earlier on - but at one point I deleted some posts.

In the beginning, it appeared to be the "perfect" adoption situation. . . every potential adoptive parents dream. I met her, and quickly found myself very fond of her. I was planning to go to doctor appointments with her, and perhaps be in the delivery room.

As time went on, she became very needy - to the point BT, I and our agency became concerned. We also noticed she wavered in her decision. . . rather frequently. Not to mention, once the bfather heard about her visit with our agency, he called them and told them he does not want to meet us and will NOT sign.

More and more "red flags" contineud to surface.

In addition to all of this - there was a great deal of "openness". We lived in the same town, knew a lot of the same people, etc. I knew way too much than I needed to know about her family situation - one that was extremely unhealthy.

I believe in my heart, and always will, she needs to place the baby. If she does not, I can almost guarantee CPS will get involved and the baby will end up in the system.

I keep in touch - try to encourage, offer support, etc. I want to do anything I can, hoping she'll remain comfortable with placing. Our agency has other wonderful couples to choose from.

I believe we made the right decision. But, at times, it still hurts. To come so close, again - and have to walk the other way. We did not feel it was the placement for us - and didn't want our profile to be put on hold from now until October.

I think of her so often - she'll always be special to me. I just hope she knows that!

The Weekend

It's been a few days. I feel I should up-date.

I cannot believe the weekend has come and gone so quickly. I had wonderful intentions - yet, found myself very lazy. It was an overwhelming week, guess I needed a chance to veg?

Friday morning, I spoke to Stephanie and explained to her BT and I have decided not to adopt her baby, should she decide to make an adoption plan. Although she knew we may be doing so, it still came as a surprise to her. She was so quiet - and when i asked her if she was ok - she said her feelings were hurt. All in all, I thought the conversation went very well. I promised her (and the agency) we would not turn our backs on her. Naturally, it's much easier for me to be a friend to her, now that we both know.

So it's now official - everyone knows.

I made an awesome bow tie pasta dish this weekend I found in a magazine. It's a definite keeper! Perhaps I will come back and post the recipe, if anyone may want to try it.

My previous post is about my cousin, Ann who is fighting inperable pancreatic cancer. Please take a moment to read it - and if you're willing, say a little pray for them.

It's late - and I have a kitchen to clean. Nite All!

Praying For My Cousin's Wife, Ann.....

Ann

Randy, Ann, Andrew, Erin,
Meredith, Uncle Bobby & Aunt Sue


This is a recent email I received from my cousin, Randy seeking prayer for his wife, Ann who have been diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer.

It's so hard to believe, a person you know and love, who appears to be very healthy could possibly be facing a serious illness such as this. . My heart and my prayers go out to them.

For anyone reading my blog who believes in the power of prayer - please pray in faith, knowing God will answer, that my cousin may receive divine healing from our wonderful God.

Hugs - Pep

Hello All,

I want to let you know that Erin has created a website to keep everybody up to date on Ann. You can find it at annmooredotorg. Ann has just completed three rounds of chemotherapy. She has an off week this week. On July 23rd she begins a 5-week stay in Indianapolis for daily radiation treatment and continued weekly chemotherapy at the IU Med Center. The goal is to shrink the tumor to the point they can operate. Right now the tumor is inoperable because it is too close to some vital veins. Before Ann's diagnosis, we used to pray for a specific need and then add "if it be your will." Well, we have since come to realize that it is not God's will for any of us to have cancer. God will is that we be whole and live out our full years. So we are asking our family and friends to pray in faith for Ann's healing, believing that he is able and willing to do it. In the Gospel of Mark, Jesus says "whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."I know that many of you are powerful prayer warriors. Please take my wife, Ann, to the throne of grace through prayer. Then thank and praise the mighty name of Jesus,whose blood purchased our redemption and our healing. And please know that we are praying for you too!

With Love, Randy

Up-date on Doc Appt's

I am so overly tired - but I feel like I need to up-date before I forget things.

BT and I went to the doctor last night. After she talked to BT, she came and asked me a few questions about what I feel is going on with him. She said all his bloodwork looks good - thyroid and blood sugar all in normal ranges. Her biggest concern is that he is getting too old to be working overnight! Of course, he does not want to hear it. She also talked to us about diet & exercise.
So we need to modify some things and see her again in 2 months.
As far as I am concerned... I talked to her about the pain I have in my left ankle/heel. It's been bothering me for 2 solid months. Some days I can barely put weight down on it - and I am to the point I always walk with a limp. Well, she says I have Planters Fasiitis. I wasn't thrilled to hear it. Apparently, once you have it you will always have problems with it. She made some recommendations and will send me for physical therapy if needed. It sure is upsetting my evening routine - as we've grown to love our walks!

Work is busy! But, a good busy! We're keeping the Summer Campers on their toes.
Tomorrow is DQ day - nothing like a delicious ice cream cone and on HOT day. Hoping rain doesn't interfere, as we are walking. Thursday we're going to a Wizard of Oz Festival - and from what I hear there will be some of the original Munchkins there.
We've seen them before and the kids always get a kick out of it. Friday is swimming at the town pool. Next weeks agenda includes a tour of the fire hall and a trip to miniature golf. So fun!

Enough for one night! :-) Hugs to all my blogger buddies!!!

New Curtains! :-)

The highlight of my weekend was buying new curtains for my home office :-)
I cleaned the room really, really well and hung new curtains.... I think it looks great. I wanted striped/casual - it wasn't easy to find what I was looking for, but we succeeded.

My entire house needs cleaning - so I started with this room. Next on the agenda - the family room.

I really hate cleaning - but love the end result!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Adoption Reassurance

This is so touching!

What I Am Thinking Tonight...

BT is asleep, the house is quiet -

I am so concerned about BT. He sleeps so much. Not that he likes it or wants it - he cannot stay awake. He's beat, most of the time. I don't remember the last time I saw him rested. I hate it! We need quality time together and yet it's so hard to find. We're going to the doctor Monday - I hope she takes it seriously. The last time we talked to her about it she recommended room darkening blind. Augh!

Both birthmothers I've recently dealt with are keeping in touch with me. :/ Rachel already has an adoptive family picked out through a local attorney. She seems to need someone to talk to and encourage her. We e-mail back and forth several times a day. Stephanie calls me everyday - several times. She left another message tonight hoping we can get together over the weekend. She knows we are moving on and she is now leaning toward parenting.

I learned so much through these young women! Although we are not adopting from either of them, I've been given a front seat view of adoption through the eyes of a birthmother. I have found it very interesting and touching. I have found I have a DEEP, DEEP sense of compassion for these young ladies. It's almost as if God is working in my life - but I am not sure where it's going to take me. I've asked Him - but He has not been so quick to answer! ;)

I mean, shouldn't I be more upset things didn't work out? I care about them - they are what matters - and I hope to see them both make the right decision, even though I already know we will not be a part of the equation.

And then there is Jamie. Jamie is a young lady I have known since she was an infant herself. She is YOUNG, single and on her own with an 8 mth old baby boy. She made an adoption plan and chose a wonderful couple to adopt her baby. But, when the baby was born, she could not sign the papers. She decided to parent. Now, I haven't seen her in years - and doesn't she look me up and enroll the little one in my day care?
She appears to be doing well, on her own and the baby is absolutley a blessing!
It was interesting hearing her tell her story, as she had no idea BT and I were hopeful adoptive parents. When I told her, we "clicked"! Here I am trying to set a good example and offer encourage when she needs it.

Tonight - I am thankful for these brave, young ladies. I am thankful for the connection we share. And, I am thankful to call each of them "friend".

Now, I know I've complained - because the pain of waiting is so strong.
But, I know each of these girls made the best decision for their child. I am proud of them - they are courageous young ladies. =)

4th of July

Happy Birthday America!

I know I am a little late posting - but I am still awake and winding down. It didn't seem like the 4th of July today - too much rain, fog and thunder! So, we postponed our BBQ 'til tomorrow. It will work out well since tomorrow is actually Poppy's birthday! Using the Cake Doctor book I made an awesome cake ... CAN'T WAIT 'TIL TOMORROW!

Rachel (the gal who called me Memorial Day to see about us adopting her baby) finally touched base with us today. The news was a little sad (for us) ... Apparently her Mother did not want her to go through an agency, so she contacted a lawyer who set them up with a adoptive couple. So, she is matched with them.
I wished her well and tried not to let is upset me. Afterall, God has a plan - and I need to remember that and keep the faith! Although it's getting really tough.

Stepanie also called today (several times). She wanted to know if we (Me, her and BT) could go see Fireworks together. She is sweet, the whole thing breaks me heart.

Waaaaaaaaah!

I can't shake this. I am so, so down in the dumps. I cry at the drop of a hat.

I want our baby now, DARN IT!

I've had enough waiting, enough being patient.

It isn't fair, makes no sense and is about to drive me batty.

And those of you who have known me, know this is so unlike me. But for goodness sakes......

A Very Hard Decision

Today was just a horrible, horrible day. BT and I made the decision not to pursue this recent adoption opportunity. I know we made the right choice, but it hurts, bad. I was not prepared for all the emotions. Although it hurts .... I learned alot, and for that I am grateful, seriously.

Although I only knew her for about a week - I felt I was able to see the adoption process through the eyes of a birthmother. Although it didn't work out - I will always think of her and her bravery. I have a place for her in the corner of my heart and I will pray for her and the baby. Our agency assured me they have families they will present to her - I can only hope she will stay on board with them and let them help her through this time.

So, we're "waiting" again. And it's seems like it may never happen. I have often reminded myself, GOD IS IN CONTROL. It just seems He is so, so far away. :(

I know, I know ... KEEP THE FAITH and KEEP LOOKING UP!

Good News Regarding My Health! :-)

I've had some concerns regarding my blood sugar.
So, I started seeing a new endocrinologist.
This week, I had a follow up with him.

I lost 9 pounds AND brought my blood pressure back down to "normal".

I credit it to all the walking BT and I have been doing.

Finally, I am on the right road! :-)

Graduation Then and Now ....

Kindergarten Graduation 1995......

High School Graduation 2007 .......

VC's High School Graduation

My boy (nephew) graduated from high school last night! We didn't think we were going to be able to attend, as seats were limited. At the last minute, he managed a few extra tickets from friends who had extras. Just had to share in the celebration! Way to go VC! We love you so much!

Jogging Stroller!

For exercise, BT and I walk - we strive for everyday!! When visiting my brother, I discovered how nice it is to walk with a jogging stroller, instead of a regular stroller. So, I've researched and found the BABY TREND rated very well, without getting into the high-end expensive ones. I've been keeping my eyes open for a "new to gently used". To my surprise a very nice woman contacted me to see if I was still looking! YES YES YES I was. She bought one in April - and soon after her in-laws bought them one. She didn't want to hurt their feelings, so she accepted it and sold the almost new one to me! She told me she purchased it at BABIES R US for $149.99. I went and checked it out! We offered her $75 and she accepted! I am so happy!!!


Now I just need my baby :D

It's A Boy!

The "Needle and Thread" gender selector doesn't always work! I did it on my friend just this week. It was pretty clear she was having a GIRL. At 7:48 pm tonight, she delivered a 7 lb., 14 oz. healthy baby BOY!

CONGRATULATIONS! We're so proud for you!!!!!!

"Wait" by Russell Kelfer

Big hugs and thanks to Kathy and Trace who posted this poem on their blogs!

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait!"
"'Wait?', you say, wait!" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By FAITH I have asked, and am claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"And Lord, you promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting. . .for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want--but, you wouldn't know ME.

"You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

"You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save. . .(for a start),
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night.
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss! if I lost what I'm doing in you!

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
THAT THE GREATEST OF GIFTS IS TO GET TO KNOW ME.
And though oft may my answers seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to WAIT."

~Author Russell Kelfer ~

No Reply...

After I got off the phone with R on Monday - I sent her an e-mail letting her know it was nice talking to her and I looked forward to talking to her again and hopefully meeting soon. She has not replied. Wednesday, she had a doctor appt and would find out whether she is having a boy or a girl. As promised, I called to see how she made out. She did not return my call. I tried again on Friday morning. She answered the phone but asked if she could call me back. I said "Of course, whenever it is good for you". She did not call me back. I believe it's yet another dead end.