Today was just a horrible, horrible day. BT and I made the decision not to pursue this recent adoption opportunity. I know we made the right choice, but it hurts, bad. I was not prepared for all the emotions. Although it hurts .... I learned alot, and for that I am grateful, seriously.
Although I only knew her for about a week - I felt I was able to see the adoption process through the eyes of a birthmother. Although it didn't work out - I will always think of her and her bravery. I have a place for her in the corner of my heart and I will pray for her and the baby. Our agency assured me they have families they will present to her - I can only hope she will stay on board with them and let them help her through this time.
So, we're "waiting" again. And it's seems like it may never happen. I have often reminded myself, GOD IS IN CONTROL. It just seems He is so, so far away. :(
I know, I know ... KEEP THE FAITH and KEEP LOOKING UP!
Sweet Sixteen for Alec
8 months ago
11 comments:
Dear Pep,
I just got done sending Mandy an email because I was bewildered earlier this evening to see that some of your posts had been deleted. Sorry, I guess I'm nosy. *smile* I checked with her first because I wanted to give you space in case something was wrong...and when I checked back in tonight, I was sorry to see that I was right to some degree...
I'm so sorry you're hurting. Yes, look up and keep the faith, but give yourself some time to grieve this, too.
My hubby and I had a very long infertility and adoption journey (also a loss...perhaps I'll tell the story on my blog sometime...we fostered a little girl we were supposed to be able to adopt...we had her for 3 years and then a judge awarded her mother custody again in a very surprising verdict in spite of the fact that the Children's Services agency were asking him to remove the mother's custody for neglect reasons...very long story...). Hubby and I compare our experiences to the story of Abraham's willingness to sacrifice Isaac on an altar out of obedience and faith in God. We learned a lot about laying our difficulties on the altar, just as Abraham did. I know it's easier said than done, but He is sovereign and He will comfort and guide you through all of this if you offer it all to Him every day.
Hugs and Prayers,
Min
Awwwww Mindy - Thanks for your sweet post.
I didn't mean to confuse anyone by deleting the posts. I needed to delete them for myself, as I did not want the reminder of how well I thought things were going. I hope that makes sense?
I am trying to hard to keep the faith - I know that is what I need to do. It's just that God seems so far away!!!!
Thanks for your friendship and prayers! Pep
Disclaimer...I only read the first two pages of this article before I decided to go ahead and send you the link...I hope you find it helpful. I got to thinking about the phrase, "God seems far away," and it made me feel like preparing for the next time I feel like that, too. So here's what I read:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/2003/marapr/2.44.html
(you might have to cut and paste it)
Love and hugs,
Min
HUGS Pep!!
I'm here if you need to talk. Just let me know when.
I came across your blog from Mindy's. i hope you don't mind.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Sometimes I wonder where God's hand is in situations like this, but I know He is there. Obviously our plans are not His (good thing!)
Even though you cannot rejoice right now I know that your time is soon. God knows your heart's desire :)
I am SO sorry about the whole situation, and all the hurt that you're going through right now.
I can relate to your feelings very well...trying to hang on to your faith, feeling somewhat alone, feeling like things will never work out, and the heartache of the whole situation.
Earlier in the year we had a situation that seemed like it was meant for us to finally have a baby placed with us baby. Our hair stylist knew a woman who was pg, and was considering adoption. She gave her our adoption card, with our adoption profile link, right away. We waited a couple of months, hoping desperately that we'd get a call saying that she'd decided to place the baby for adoption, and that she would chose us. It wasn't to be though. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. We were SO sad and devastated. It was a hard time. We couldn't help but wonder "Why?!"
Now, of course, we can see how things worked out for us...but then it was VERY hard. I still don't know why we had to go through that situation. But I do know that things work out for a reason, and that they work out in ways that will make us happy in the end.
I know it's hard to see or feel that now, believe me I know. Work through the grief, the heartache, the disappointment, and the loss. Try to keep your faith, because it will be the thing that keeps you from breaking down and losing all hope. It seems like the darkest times are right before the sunshine. I know from experience, and I hope that I am able to help you feel some hope too.
Please know that you're not alone.
Sending some cyber hugs to you...
(((Pep)))
SJ - Thanks for stopping by! :-) And...for your encouraging words. I look forward to getting to know you better through blog world.
Hugs - pep
Mandy (((hugs)))
Thanks for being such a caring friend!
Love Ya! Pep
Kathy -
As I read your words, I thought it was MY typing! I am so thankful for people like yourself who understand. It helps me to know that I am not alone.
Keeping the faith is truly what gets me through each day - especially the darkest ones when it seems I will never bring a baby home. It is very hard to see there is a light at the end of the tunnel, when all we seem to be doing is hitting dead ends.
I hope you're right - that the darkest times are right before the sunshine. 'Cuz I sure could use a little extra sunshine!
Thanks for caring! Hugs - Pep
Pep,
You're very welcome, and I'm glad to know my words could help a little bit. I know how hard this time has to be for you.
I just put two songs that I really love, and that have helped me through many hard times over the years (I've had the tape since 1993), up at my blog. Feel free to stop by and read them. I think that they may hit home for you. I know they have, and still do for me.
Hang in there, and know that you've got people here that understand what you're going through...and are here for you.
Kathy - I just wanna (((hug))) you! :-)
I checked to see if the CD might still be available- no such luck.
But, BT says we may be able to purchase some of the songs from iTunes. :-)
Thanks again and again!
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