Friday, August 31, 2007

PS ...

I didn't hear from the adoption agency today. I feel like the bfather is going to be cooperative, but I am still eager to hear how things go.
Perhaps tomorrow we'll get some up-lifting news! Think positive, right?
BT and I are still thinking optimistically. . . and getting through each day with a little faith and a prayer.

Horrible, No Good Day!

Today was a horrible, no good day. It had nothing to do with the adoption, thank goodness.

It was work related. I spent my entire day upset - in tears. Running my own business has been such a blessing. But, when things pan out as they did today - I just want to lock the doors and walk away. I work too hard to be treated the way I was today.

It was all because one person was having a bad day. It was quite clear she was on a power trip and looking to satify her need by hurting someone else. I don't understand people like that. Just what gives them the authority to think they can rule the world?

But, the truth is - it's better to be the person who is hurt, than to be the miserable person and take it out on the people around them. At least I can go to bed tonight not feeling bad for my actions and words.

Perhaps a good night's sleep will do us all some good. If things don't work out tomorrow, I have to hire an attorney. . . all because of one very miserable, miserable person. Sad.

Pray for me! Sometimes it's so hard to "Let Go and Let God" ... expecially in such circumstances. But, I know that's what I need.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

No News, Really ... Just My Thoughts For Tonight

No new news to deliver.

Today was a pretty typical day. It's started off rough 'cuz I was sleeping really good this morning when I HAD to get up to go meet with our insurance agent. If only I could of slept a little longer. But I didn't - I drug myself out of bed, to the kitchen and then to the computer.
My morning ritual rarely changes. I stop in the kitchen for my *Kashi* (or *Special-K*, or *Cheerios*) cereal with milk and banana (or blueberries) and a big ole cup of *Senseo* and I sit down to wake-up in front of the computer. First thing I read is *Today's*Word*with*Joel*Osteen*, delivered right to my e-mail. If you're looking for a good devotion - give it a try. I don't think you'll be disappointed. Most of the time, it's just what I need to start my day.

Work went well today. It's a busy, busy time, as we are inbetween programs. This is the last week of Summer Camp. We had such a great summer, it's sad to see it come to a close.
School starts next week - we have many new faces this year. We are so blessed.

My sister came by tonight to help me decide what to do with the windows in the nursery. I have such funky shaped windows, it's never easy. We're going to hang room-darking shades, underneath the *Classic Pooh* curtains I previously posted. I have to take them for alterations .. but I love them so much it will be worth it. She was pleasantly surprised to see how well the room is coming.

I struggled for a few days, wondering if I should proceed with the room or wait. I decided to keep working on it, as I was doing all along.

I feel I am in the right mind-set, knowing there is always that chance the bmom could change her mind. I would be ok. Sad, yes ... but the saddness would last too long. I need to be understanding and accepting. She needs to do what she is most comfortable - and she needs to know she is making the right decision. Without the comfort I find in our God, I could not think this way. I would selfishly lash out at Him for not placing the baby with us. But, I've learned to trust in Him, knowing HE has the perfect plan. I just can't wait to experience the joys of whatever His plan may be. Now ... I do feel deep in my heart this is the one for us - nothing could make me happier. All I can do it wait and see. Oh... and pray of course, for the bmother, bfather, agency and us! :-)

I have been thinking about her (bmom) a lot. She has requested to not meet us. And, that's ok- I respect her decision. But I know I'll always wonder what's she like. I imagine her to be a sweet person, with an unselfish heart. I think about how I will always, always be grateful to her for giving us such a precious gift. I am sure I will have a "picture" in my head of what she may look like and carry it close to my heart for many years. What a brave soul she is.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Adoption Up-Date

I did speak to our CW this morning.

Earlier she had mentioned trying to contact the bfather over the weekend. But, when I spoke to her today, she said they had not yet tried to contact him. She doesn't seem to think it's going to be too hard to locate him. The question is - how cooperative will he be?

She verified we had indeed been chosen. But, as in any adoption plan, we won't know for sure until after delivery. Apparently, she is concerned about her signing because she has a child already and it may make it harder.

I asked about the due date - she said it was later in the month. For some reason, she doesn't seem to want to tell me the actual due date.
I felt sad this morning. . just thinking about the "what if's". I wasn't feeling as elated as I felt after her message from Friday.

I would just like to know more! But, I keep reminding myself, had it not been for the bfather risk issue, we wouldn't even know we were chosen.

God has a plan - and I know I can not control it. It's just so hard to let go and wait.
BT and I talked tonight. This is the first time both of us have felt this good about a plan.
Although we know nothing is certain at this time - we feel in our hearts this is the baby for us. I've often heard the expression "Just follow your hearts" .. I hope our hearts are right.

September is going to be a long month.

Oh, I picked out some curtains for the nursery -

* * * * * *

Work is crazy! I can't wait 'til the Back-To-School rush os over. I like the consistency of the school year. Summer is great, much more laid back - but I'm ready for some order.

I did something exciting tonight! I signed up to accept credits cards at the day care center.

We're now accepting Mastercard & Visa!!!!! :-)

Sunday, August 26, 2007


I'm simply giddy with excitement!

BT, on the other hand, is getting plenty of rest.

I think he's dreaming of happy days ahead.

A Visit To Kohl's ....

I was shopping at Kohl's tonight. Unaware we have been chosen, my 9 year old niece comes running over to me with this outfit. She's so happy to show me how it can be for a boy or a girl and how honored she'd feel if I bought it as our babies first outfit! Of course, we bought it. She was so sweet and sincere. How could I not?

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Chosen! :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Yes, you read correctly! BT and I have been CHOSEN! :-)

For those of you who do not know the "story", I talked to our CW last week. They were showing profiles. Under normal circumstances, our agency does not tell you when your profile is being shown or when you are chosen. They prefer to wait until the baby is legally free for adoption. Because there is a birthfather risk, she called to make sure we would be ok with it. The birthfather left back in April, to date they have had no contact. Although he is aware she is pregnant, he is not aware she is making an adoption plan. We said "Yes" and waited. A few days later, she called to tell us we were "highly favored". They presented 5 profiles, she eliminated 3. She could not decide between us and another couple. So, we waited again. Today, we learned she chose us!!! Over the weekend and beginning of the week, they will be doing what they can to locate the birthfather. If and when they do - they hope he is cooperative. She was able to provide his name, a cell phone number and last known address. We do know she is due in September - but do not know the date. I have no clue if the baby is a boy or girl. I am simply elated! We're prayin' hard for the birthparents and hoping all goes smoothly.

I called home from work today and retrieved the message from the agency and deleted it . I wanted to be sure to see BT's face! Anyhow, I gave him this teddy bear. He looked at me kinda funny, as if to be saying "why are you giving me this bear"? I said "open the note inside" ... I got the longest hug EVER. He's so happy!

Friday, August 24, 2007

Today was just one step closer -

I am very tired, worn out emotionally & physically. But, I thought I should at least post a bit before going to bed.

We are still waiting to hear from the agency. She told us she'd know something by tomorrow (Friday).

I have found myself "thinking" and "planning" as if we will have a baby in September.
I realize that is going to make it really hard for me if we are not the chosen couple.

On the other hand, my heart continues to remind me the other couple is feeling the same way we are, saying the same prayers and deserves the baby just as much as we do.
I know they've also struggled with infertility - and waited a long time.
So, can I get upset if we aren't chosen?

Tomorrow will be one step closer to bringing home our baby.
We will either learn this is the baby for us- or we will go back to "waiting" and "praying" for the right baby.

As I go to bed tonight, my prayer will be simple . . . and I know God has a plan! :-)

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Good News!!!

Our profile was shown to a birthmother yesterday. She was given 5 profiles. 3 of them were eliminated. She is deciding between US and another couple. AND ..due in September.

I am trying to stay calm, as I know we may not be chosen. But, it's so hard not to get excited.

Pray for us!!!!!!!!!!!


Friday, August 17, 2007

Today -

I held and rocked a newborn baby girl today. I was in heaven! She must have been a preemie; at 2 months old she is all of 10 pounds, so tiny, so petite, so beautiful. As I sat in the nursery and rocked her I felt sad. I felt sad for her and I felt sad for her Mommy. Mommy seems fine. She's easy going, says the baby is low maintenance and goes to work with a smile on her face. Baby is also fine, she doesn't know any better. She cuddled and relaxed with me, perfectly content. But, she isn't cuddling with her Mommy and Mommy is missing these wonderful moments.

One of the little school-age girls has attached herself to me. She held my hand for the longest time, making sure I wasn't going to get away from her. She jumped in my lap and told me she wanted to go home with me and eat dinner and have ice cream. We talked about the field trip from the previous week and how she got to walk around with me. I reminded her of the good time we had and how much she "loved it". She giggled and said, " I didn't love it, I loved being with you". Coming from an unstable home environment, she is starved for motherly affection and is looking for that in me. My heart was broke.

I met with a grandmother today, while her priceless grandchildren played. They come to day care, 5 days a week. Not too long ago, the state took them from their mother and placed them in protective care. Several family members tried to get them, but grandmother was the only one who passed the criminal background check. In her late 50's and widowed, she's raising them, alone. She loves them, they are properly cared for, clean and their needs are met. But, even grandma complains that it's too much for her. She referred to her son AND the children's parents as "scum of the earth".

I wrote a letter today, to a young, single mom who has not been paying her bill. If she doesn't pay her bill, we cannot continue to offer services. She's a hard worker, trying to make ends meets and raise her son alone. There is no one to call "Dad". When she found out she was expecting she made an adoption plan through Catholic Charities. But, when her baby was born, she couldn't let go.

I spoke to a silly two-year old today about our friends and how we need to call them by their real name. He's into "name calling". He has a different name for each child in the class, even some for the teachers. He called me "piggy". ;) Another teacher was called "coconut head".

I came home feeling sad for the children. Then I began to wonder if I am using my God given talents to the fullest degree. Am I making a difference in the lives of these children? I need to do some "thinking".......

I have been given the opportunity to touch so many hearts. God has been so good. My center is a blessing and a gift from Him. For that, I am thankful.

Thursday, August 16, 2007


So, we were NOT chosen for the situation from about 4 weeks ago. I was disappointed she hadn't called to let us know. It would of been nice to not have to wonder for 4 weeks. :(

On a positive note - we're being shown on Monday to a bmother due in next month!!!!!There are some details I need to discuss with BT, but I am sure he'll be fine with it!

Perhaps this will be the one? At least our profile is active..... finally! :-)

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

The doctors office called. My abdominal AND pelvic CTScan came back negative.
Is that good news? Yes! But ---- I was hoping for an answer to 2 years of right side abdominal pain. Next step - colonoscopy. :(
Side note: The thyroid ultrasound came back showing nodules, but that's all I know .....

Monday, August 13, 2007

Today ......

Nothing fun happened today!

I went for my tests. I had to take 15 steriod pills prior to the test - a prescription benedryl, drink 2 jars of that barium stuff and get a iodine contract injection. In addition, I cannot take my regular meds (for diabetes) for 72 hours. Needless to say my system feels pretty whacked out. I am very nauseau, the steriods won't let me sleep, yet my body is crying for sleep. My heart is racing and I am flushed. They said the quicker I drink water, the sooner I will wash it all out of my system.

I hate this feeling ...... it's going to be along 3 days.

I haven't blogged in a few days . . .

I haven't blogged in a few days.

Lets see - Friday we took a busload to the Aquarium; then to the park for a picnic. It was a great time. I was impressed with so many things. They had little bitty penguins that were soooo cute. Guess I had never seen a live penguin before.
And. . the seal lions show was fantastic was feeding of the seals and seeing all the tricks they know! The children behaved wonderfully and were so wiped out by the end of the day.

I feel better, but still pretty tired. I am fasting now and taking steroids for tomorrow's tests. I have to be there at 9:30 AM - they are doing a pelvic/abdominal CTScan. In addition, my doctor ordered a thyroid ultrasound. When it rains, it pours. :( I am praying they get to the bottom of things - and it's nothing serious.

BT and I did not get to go to Niagara-on-the-Lake this weekend, as planned. The wait on the bridges into Canada were ungodly! I was not going to sit still on those bridges for an hour or more, no way!

I am off to bed - I'll post tomorrow to let ya'll know how things go with my tests.

Good-Night! :-) Pep

Thursday, August 09, 2007

A Good Night For A Hug

Tonight, I snuggled up to BT for a BIG HUG. I am not sure he knew how much it meant to me to be held tonight - but it really helped. Then...he had to go to work :(

Sleeping last night was horrendous! I've had this horrible cold! Between stuffiness, coughing, wheezing and crackling, I was so restless. It was 5 AM before I could sleep. I called the doctor to see about getting something for the uneasy breathing. She told me to come in. I have double ear infection - lots of fluid in there! And... a touch of bronchitis. I am starting antibiotics (z-pack) and an inhaler tonight.

She also noticed a swollen area in my neck and ordered a thyroid ultrasound! What's next? I'm still waiting to go for my abdominal CTScan (wanted to wait 'til the cold passed). I guess I could kill two birds with one stone by getting them done the same day.

I worry! I'll be in a panic until all the test are done and I know I am healthy!

Tomorrow the kids are touring the local grocery store. It's really neat! They take them into the various departments for a "behind-the-scenes" look at what really goes on. The tour ends in the bakery with free pizza! Yum! Friday we are taking them (a whole bus load) to the Aquarium. They are overwhelmed with excitgement. The adults are too, with the exception of fear of driving over the big bridges! Needless to say, we're looking into a "detour". Did I ever mention my job can be REALLY FUN???? :-)

This weekend, BT and I are hoping to go to Niagara-on-the-Lake for the Peach Festival and a visit of all the great shops, including the SILLY OLD BEAR SHOPPE! VC leaves for college Saturday - it's going to be emotional. :( He's the first one - and we are all so close. PS VC is my nephew, I recently posted photos of him being baptized in the creek. A bunch of people asked me how the Pastor thought about doing it in the creek. He said "It was the closest thing to the Jordan he's ever seen" and was thrilled to make it happen!


Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Thinking Out Loud!

It was 3 weeks ago today I received a call from our CW indicating our profile was going to be shown (she had called for our approval due to a legal risk). The call was rather sudden and brief. Had I called her back any later, they would not have been able to share our profile (I do not know why the sudden urgency).

Several thoughts go through my mind:

1. We were not chosen and she did not call and tell us.
2. The bmom decided not to place with the agency.
3. We were chosen, but she hasn't called because we are not "supposed" to know until the baby is legally free for adoption.

Although I am "dying" to know - The agreement we have with the agency is that whenever possible, we would not be aware of a match until the baby is free for adoption. I know I need to respect that. But, it's driving me nutty!

Our profile has been shown before. We were called within a few days to tell us we were not chosen or the bmom decided not to place. This time, nothing - and the silence is nerve-wracking!

On another note, it's been a 3+ years since we shared our preferences with the agency.
Since then, we've changed - a lot. We've truly grown and opened our hearts to more.
I am thinking, perhaps, I'll call her to ask about setting up an appointment to go over our preferences.

Any suggestions?

Keeping the faith!

Monday, August 06, 2007

Vincent & Dawson's Baptism August 5, 2007; 3:30 PM

My niece and nephew were baptized today! It was very touching and beautiful as you will see in the photos.

Prayer ......

Brother & Sister

With Pastor

Pastor & Dawson

A Few Words About Salvation & Baptism....

More Baptism Photos.....

Going Out Into The Waters....

Vincent's Baptism....

Dawson's Baptism ....

Congratulations from Cousin Cortlynn! :-)

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Happy 65th Birthday Mom! :-)

Saturday evening, we celebrated Moms 65th birthday. It was a small, immediate family only, celebrations. We're so thankful for her special day. Mom has battled some major health issues - so we're thanking God for each day we have together.

Saturday, August 04, 2007


Thanks for the well wishes ((hug)) ... Today wasn't too bad. Turns out I have a nasty summer cold. Augh - it's worse with the 90+ degrees we're having.

I managed to drag myself into work and complete billing! :-) It's always a good feeling to get through that. We made a decision to accept credit cards - we have to. So many people get behind - we're hoping this will help keep people on track and perhaps bring in some funds that have been owed to us for some time. I can't seem to wrap my brain around how parents can come in and out each day and "forget" they need to pay for child care! It's rather annoying!

Our Friday night outting was to the grocery store! ;) Had to buy food for Mom's birthday party tomorrow night. My Mommy is turning 65! That's a milestone, especially for someone who has battled some serious health issues the past few years.

Sunday, my nephew and niece are being baptized ... in the creek! I can't wait. I am so proud of them. Hoping to get some nice pictures, without being a disturbance to the ceremony. Another party to follow.

Bedtime! PS Still nothing from the agency. :(

Friday, August 03, 2007

Feeling Rather Yucky!

I don't feel well. I've been extremely irritable/tired for a few days. Yesterday, I felt yucky and was told I was "pale". Today was worse. I ached all over, I had a migraine and all I could do was sleep! I must have picked up a bug!

It was also very HOT here today - we've had some days over 90 degrees - which is HOT for us. I really don't do well in the heat.

Seems like everything is catching up with me. :(

So I am off to bed ....hoping for a better day tomorrow.

PS - Still nothing from the agency -