I have a little counter on this blog, indicating the number of days we've been waiting to adopt. We have recently entered our 1,631st day. That day was October 10, 2003. On that date, BT and I visited our agency for the first time. It was an orientation type meeting. I always considered it to be our first day toward adoption. But that excitement has dwindled. It's been a mix of emotions, I'd rather not even think about. It's been challenging. It's been rewarding. It's been depressing and sad. And, I know that is all going to change the very moment our baby is placed in our arms. I look forward to it, I do. We've been through the motions. We put together a well-done nursery, we bought bottles (lot of bottles), diapers, pacifiers in every color, we've talked about names, we've chosen a pediatrician, we washed baby clothes (more than once), we've prayed, we've cried, we've dreamt .... in fact, we've covered all the bases. There isn't much left. To me, that's sad. Even though there is saddness, deep inside, there is hope. Our hope comes from our Lord Jesus Christ. He will not let us down, we just need to be patient and allow Him to carry out His plan. And... I am sure ... that plan is going to be spectacular! So Baby of Mine - Someday you will know how we dreamt of you, prayed for you, and loved you from the bottom of our hearts, each and every one of those 1631 days! And when we finally hold you in our arms we will feel just how great God is! XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
I've always tried to keep my blog up-beat, but tonight, I am, in fact, feeling BUMMED.
First, learning the results of my MRI was difficult. I know what I need to do - but the very fact I will have to deal with this problem the rest of my life is rather depressing. I miss doing the things I used to do and feeling good, most of the time. I know PT will help and I will manage to get my own self back, but for now, it stinks.
Second, hearing so little from our agency for 6 solid months is crazy! The past few days it has been on my mind. I want (and need) to speak with the Director. So, I've been thinking it over, making sure I have all my thoughts and questions ready. Soon... I will call her.
Third, we are not adjusting to BT's newest work schedule, which was supposed to be temporary. Knowing there are other writers who work M - F, set hours, with less seniority is maddening.
Lately he works -
. Monday . . . . .OFF Tuesday . . . . OFF Wednesday . . . 7:00 AM - 3:30 PM Thursday . . . .1:00 AM - 10:30 AM Friday . . . . .1:00 AM - 10:30 AM Saturday . . . .2:00 PM - 11:00 PM Sunday . . . . .2:00 PM - 11:00 PM
BT is the type of person who does whatever the boss says, with no complaining.
. Thus, the crappy schedules. . I feel like crying . . . .
The results are in ..... I heard the official word on my MRI results. I have a condition called C o n g e n i t a lL u m b a rS t e n o s i s , which started at birth (s p i n a b i f i d ao c c u l t a ) and has progressed slowly over the years. L u m b a rS t e n o s i s is common in the over 60 crowd, but I have a much rarer problem known as c o n g e n i t a ll u m b a r s t e n o s i s . If you're familiar with the different vertebrae in our spine, tests show a slippage (or s p o n d y l o l i s t h e s i s ) of L5 and S1. As a result, there is a narrowing of my spinal chord. The pressure causes a great deal of pain and discomfort. Unfortunately, the problem is not reversible, yet can be stabilized with physical therapy and exercise. I can also consider e p i d u r a l s t e r o i d i n j e c t i o n s (into the effected area) if needed. Surgery is not an option now, but may be something I will need to consider down the road. The doctor believes most (if not all) my pain is a direct result of this condition.
I was secretly hoping for a "quick fix" for all my pain. But, there's some relief knowing it wasn't all in my head - there's truly an answer to why I've had to suffer so much and for so long.
"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day." Habakkuk 2:3
My name is Pep and I am married to a wonderful, wonderful man, BT. For 7+ years we've enjoyed the perks of marriage and have walked a long journey toward bringing a child into our home through adoption! We're from Western New York where we enjoy the 4 amazing seasons God has created. BT works in the media as a writer, producing new casts. I am a child day care director, truly the most rewarding job on earth.
As a wife, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, partner, boss, caretaker, bookkeeper, etc...I love life and enjoy the people around me. We believe God is the author of our lives and it's in Him we place our trust believing all things work for the good to those who love God. We are sinners, saved by God's grace.