"Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "Adopt and you'll get pregnant." Of the most painful from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.
"These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is, a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that that was God's plan?
What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and me to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.
No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let Him down.
Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.
Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already know."
BT and I have faced infertility straight on since we married in 2001. We have definitely grown closer, loved deeper and become much stronger. We've continually lifted each other up when the other seems weak. We've found a deeper love and compassion for the Lord. We are still reminded of the big questions "why couldn't we have children? what was God thinking?...etc.." We may never know for sure. But we do know God has a plan for all He does. Yes, we're traveling a road less traveled. But God is true to His promises. So as we travel we know we will be blessed along the way in ways we could never imagine. Yes, when that baby is placed in our arms I will know without a doubt God knows what is best. Lord, I thank you for this journey you have chosen especially for me and BT.
6 comments:
oh the comments I have heard them all too! and when my babies were placed in my arms - I just knew that was the plan all along----
I HATE the adopt and you'll get pregnant thing. It hurts because it brings up the fact that we never will have a surprise pregnancy or an oops. We need swimmers + egg and hey we're missing one of the key pieces.
I have lived through so much of what you describe, it's refreshing to read this post. Very beautifully written, by the way.
Melba
Great post. It took us awhile but while we waited we finally started to thank God for our infertility. If it weren't for that then we wouldn't have had the privilege to adopt.
That's a beautiful post. I can't say that I've always embraced my infertility, but SCREAM over the unfairness of it all. But there are days, or long stretches in time where it does somehow make sense. No matter God is good all the time.
Your story sounds so similar to mine. We've been married 7 years now, and we've struggled with infertility the entire time. (Due to a doctor's gross mistake.)
I found the book Finding Peace in the Journey to be the most helpful resource out there. It was hard, but I began to pray that I would be content with God's plan instead of "just" praying for a baby.
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