In Memory of Dad

Never to be forgotten ~

May 19, 1947 - March 27, 2007

Chef In The Making...

New photos of Apple Jax doing what he loves doing best!!!

Blog - Block

Ever hear of "writer's-block" ? Well, I believe I have "blog-block" ....
I simply cannot think of much to say. Perhaps there is just too much going on in this little brain of mine. It's been a tough week.

Thursday we spent the afternoon at the hospital with BT's dad. It was sad, very sad.
He's fought so long, and so hard. He's weak, tired and giving up. Refusing all medical treatments, he is now in a Palliative (Hospice) Care room. It was an emotional visit. But a rewarding one, too. Perhaps more on that at a later time.

On a Happier Note:

Yesterday, I spoke to our SW at the adoption agency. It was such a nice conversation, on a very personal level. Nothing about the adoption wait... just a "getting to know you more" conversation. It was nice. . . a nice change. I really do like her, a lot.

I know "liking her" isn't going to bring our baby home any sooner.
But it helps - she's encouraging in her own way. I do thank God for her.

3:30 AM - augh.........

Can't sleep - neither of us can.

Tomorrow will be a LONG day.

BT's Dad

We received the following e-mail from Anne tonight:

Hope this finds you all well. Dad is in the hospital again. He went in Friday with dehydration, and the doctor thought a weekend with fluids would help out immensely, so he admitted your dad. As he became more hydrated, his pain spiraled out of control again. He is on a continuous morphine pump now and has opted to stop all treatment, just to receive comfort care. He is tired and weak and has no fight left. He recieved the Sacrament of Healing and gets daily communion. Our pastor visits daily. He wants you to know he loves you and is proud of the men you have become. If you want to talk to one of us, I have Dad's cell phone with me and am with him most of the time. I'm sorry to have to give you this news, but thought you'd want to know. I love you, too. Take care.
Love, Anne (and Dad)

:-( I hate cancer!!!!

Will up-date more later! Prayers appreciated! (((hugs)))

Psalms 37:4

"Be delighted with the Lord. Then he will give you all your heart's desires." (Psalms 37:4)

Lots of thinking....

I've been thinking, a lot! I want to be sure we make the right choices.

I know it is important (crucial, actually) to remain strong in our faith. We need to believe God has a perfect plan with our current agency! As our social worker said, we may not know it now, but when we receive our little one we will see how God's hand was in this from the very beginning. We will know (without a doubt) God's plan was perfected just for us! She told me she sees it every time a baby is placed in the arms of an adoptive couple.

It sounds like the right thing to do.

I think of Sarai & Abram. They were unable to conceive a child of their own. By letting go of their faith and trying to take matter into their own hands, they created pure havoc. They allowed their impatience to come between them and God by trying to work things out on their own!

And then - I think - are we doing enough? Should we be exploring other options?
Should we be visiting the other agencies - meeting with an adoption attorney?
I do not want to be sorry for waiting so long. We cannot go back and change things -
I want to know I did all I could! :-)

It's a struggle . . . .

It's painful . . . .

I wish I had all the right answers! Or...do I and I don't see it?

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

My thoughts today turn to our wedding ceremony in 2001.
Through tears of joy, Jonathan presented the Irish Wedding Blessing.....

The Irish Wedding Blessing

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon the fields.

May the light of friendship guide your paths together.
May the laughter of children grace the halls of your home.
May the joy of living for one another
trip a smile from your lips, a twinkle from your eye.

And when eternity beckons, at the end of a life heaped high with love,
May the good Lord embrace you with the arms that have nurtured you
the whole length of your joy-filled days.

May the gracious God hold you both in the palm of His hands.
And, today, may the Spirit of Love
find a dwelling place in your hearts.

I love you both!

Always & Forever ...

My Husband Holds The Key To My Heart Forever!!!

Tonight was a "date night" with BT. Just us :) ! We went to Famous Dave's for dinner (by the way, very fun place and great food), then did some browsing at BORDER's. We're home now, it's late, BT is off.

BT - You're wonderful! Thank you for being YOU! Thank you for holding me when I need to feel your strength and for giving me space when I need it to just be me. This has been a rough road, I am so glad you've been there to travel it with me. Let's not stop dreaming - and remember to dream big! :) I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!! How did I get so lucky?

Just wanted to add -

I placed a call to an adoption attorney who came "highly recommended" ... Just waiting for him to call me back! All I wanted to do was set up a consultation...but when his assistant asked me who recommended us to him (and when I told her), she said she was gonna have him call us directly. Hmmm....I wonder!

AND ...we're going to a informational meeting at a different agency on Sunday. Just exploring our options. . . that's all.

Adoption Up-Date

I spoke to our SW this morning. It's been a while (2-3 mths) since our profile has actually been "shown" to a prospective birthmother.

She explained to me we are couple # 8 on the "general" list. Which means, there are 8 profiles that may be shown before ours. The reason we were shown in the past was because we are couple #2 on the "christian couples" list and those particular bmothers wanted evangelical Christian couples.

So, I do know we are not being shown at the moment and we are not matched. :-(
The agency has placed 2 babies, so far, in 2007.

The triplets were born in Sept. (3 mths early) and placed with a couple in the same town as the agency and the bmother. They have special needs, but are doing ok. Adoptive parents are doing great!

The bmother who wanted a completely open adoption chose another couple. She has yet to deliver.

Our profile was submitted in Dec. 2004. 27 mths later, we aren't chosen .... 8 couples remain ahead of us.

I am feeling extremely discouraged. I've done very well to be strong, up until recently.
I am not exactly sure where to turn at this point. Do I go on believing our agency is going to place with us? Or, should we begin exploring other avenues?

Our SW suggested BT and I explore our own hearts, and pray about it. She was very encouraging. I believe her when she says God has a hand in it and will bless us in his perfect timing. . . . I REALLY, REALLY DO! In the meantime, it just hurts............ any suggestions?

Up-Date on MEGAN -
Megan is the local gal who had contacted us back in Nov/Dec. She is expecting a boy in April and has decided to parent.

By God's Grace

God's Grace - It is His grace that gives me patience to endure the long wait for our baby.

Thoughts of giving up stir my brain more and more each day. I think of letting go of the anticipation, allowing myself to feel normal, to live in today and not worry about what tomorrow may or may not bring. Would I feel less stressed, anxious and overwhelmed? Perhaps!

I'd be giving up on my dreams. That is just wrong! God didn't bless me with a desire to have children, only to have that snatched away.

And so, I continue to ask God to share His grace with me. Allow me to be patient until He reveals His plan.

God grant me the courage to remain steadfast and strong.

BT and I went bowling tonight. Interesting! Pathetic! Goofy!

But, we had fun, we had "just us" time! It beats sitting home in front of the tv or on the computer. Plus, it was a bargain - games after 9 pm are only $1.50. We snuck a few treats in our coats, took our own shoes and played for cheap! ha!

So, even though we didn't walk tonight - we did get some exercise.

Work was busy today - but it was a good busy. I felt like I had actually accomomplished a lot, with very few interuptions. I did get a few nasty calls from people who need to pay their bill.

It's amazing how when people owe money they turn it around and make you look like the bad guy. That's right, let's put the blame on the child care center who takes care of my children so I can go out and work! Augh!

Tomorrow afternoon I have a meeting with the Superintendent of Schools to discuss building security! I am really excited and anxious to hear what his plans are.

Thinking of Anita.....

3 years ago - March 13, 2004 - I faced one of the most difficult losses of my entire life. I lost a very dear friend, an excellent co-worker, our Toddler teacher, Ms Anita.

3 pm that afternoon, Anita came to my office to say goodnight & have a great weekend. 5 pm that same afternoon we spoke on the phone. 8 pm that evening, her family found her on the floor. Anita suffered a brain aneurysm at the age of 49. I received a phone call, very early the next morning. Sarah, Julie and I rushed up to the hospital. We were able to see her, but she was clinically brain dead - being kept alive because she was an organ donor.
I will never forget it - I held her hand and whispered "good-bye".

Anita was my "right-arm" at work. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her - see her smile - hear her laughter. She was one of the best friends a person could ever ask for... and I was blessed to have her for 16 years!

I miss her terribly ......:-(

Colossians 3:23

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,Colossians 3:23 (NIV)

When tucked away in a wee small corner of your heart - this verse can do wonders to make a difference in a day! :-)

I gave 100% today!

So, I did well today. BT and I walked around the BIG block tonight. I didn't want to go, but my DH persuaded me and I am glad he did.
It was a COLD, brisk walk - it felt good, even if our ears were numb! Did better with water today - and even worked on some stretches with BT!







It's Sunday night - 11:30 pm, but seems like 10:30 pm since we changed the clocks last night. I am not tired ....will need to read help wind down.

My Aunt Carolyn is heavy on my mind today. Her parents are both deceased. She has 2 living brothers, both of whom are on the edge of death. They live in 3 separate states, she has been stretching herself thin trying to see both of them before they pass. I can't wrap my brain around the thought of losing my only living siblings so close together and so tragically.

Aunt Margaret & Uncle Jim were in a car accident on their way to church this morning. He is ok, she has bruised ribs. They had gone to pick up a young boy for church and apparently ran out in front of another car while making a turn onto a main road. THANK GOD everyone is OK.

That's my news for today - besides having a horrible dream this morning. I dreamnt I was in a car with my Aunt. She was behind the wheel, backing the car up... I looked out the rear window and could see she was approaching a cliff. She did not stop in time. We road off the cliff in reverse - the drop was several hundred feet into a body of water. I remember thinking, so this is how I am going to die as I was touching all the windows of the car, trying to escape. Such a tragic dream....... :(

I'd like to vent, but I won't! ;)

I am surprised I didn't post last night - 'cuz I sure needed the "vent"! Things did not go well at work today. I made the decision not to hire the new person. I'd love to gripe and complain, but being that this is a public blog - I'll behave myself.

After a very easy dinner (thanks to slow cooker pulled pork, baked sweet potato fries and green beans) BT and I headed out to run errands and get some movement! We went to BJ's for supplies for day care... and a quick trip to Wal-mart for ant traps! It's a sure sign Spring is coming, the ants are out to play! Augh.

I bought this huge roll of butcher paper - it's about 2 foot wide. I thought it would be fantastic for the children to use at the day care! There's so much you can do with a nice BIG piece of paper!!

So late last night, once BT was off to work, I worked on organizing paperwork - getting things ready to for meeting with the tax lady. It's amazing (and sad) to see how much we pay out in bills per year.

As I was falling asleep last night - I had decided I was going to call the adoption agency and tell them we need to know more information regarding our status. When I got up this morning, I decided to wait. . it's about time I should hear something from her (the pattern seems to be about every 2 months).

Back to work -


Did I mention the sun is shining again today?????

Perhaps a Mother-to-Be's Intuition?

So BT and I are out to dinner. We're sitting there enjoying soup & salad when a very strong feeling came over me. I felt someone was missing, right there at our table. It seemed unnatural to be just the two of us. I thought about it for a moment and another strong feeling came over me - it was a baby that was missing. A baby that should be right there with us, enjoying the restaurant, the walk through the mall, the memories we were making. It was very strong - perhaps a mother-to-be's intuition? I am not sure. All I know is it didn't seem right - our family is not complete. I am hoping this was a sign that we'll be bringing our baby home soon. I love BT with all my heart, BT loves me with all of his - we so want to share all that heaped of love with our child! We're ready ........ so ready.

You Go Girl ..............

It feels great! Not only did I start my stretching routine this morning - we went for our walk at the mall and spontaneously decided to go bowling at Dave & Busters. It was a great time! I am sooo tired and imagine I'll be pretty sore tomorrow. It was just 2 days ago I was at the chiropractor with my back totally spazzing out. So I met most of my goals today. In the water department - I completely failed. Better luck tomorrow. It feels great to be active again and out of the "slump".

The Sun Is Shining :-)

I must add - THE SUN IS SHINING TODAY!

One of the gals from TT is a new adoptive mommy to a beautiful baby girl. Allie if you're reading this CONGRATULATIONS. Your daughter is gorgeous. I am over the top excited for you - you deserve this baby so much. And, of course, I am selfishly very, very jealous! ;)

So, I started a stretching routine this morning. Gosh, I am out of shape! ;)
I'm headed in the right direction though. I already can't wait to go walking tonight. Water, water, water, I need to remind myself to drink plenty of water! Augh, I hate it!

I better get back to work - I am surrounded by paperwork. There are bills to pay, statements to send, vouchers to complete, schedules to do, monthly inspections to complete, etc.. etc.. etc.. The good news is - NOONE CALLED IN SICK TODAY.

Waiting: To remain or stay in expectation of; await: wait one's turn.

Waiting stinks, I am very discouraged.

'nuff said.



My back was much better today - but I can tell it will be a while before it will be all better!

The phone woke me up at 6:30 AM - employee sick call. The phone rang again at 8:30 AM, another employee sick call. The schedule had to be revamped for the entire day.
When I get to work, I discover I left my Jump Drive at home, so what I could do at work was very limited.
Came home early - took care of a few more work related items before going out with BT.
We went to the mall, bought a few birthday gifts, walked (it was officially too cold to walk outdoors) and ended the trip with soup & salad from Ruby Tuesday's. Then home - it's trash night. BT cut his finger on a broken piece of glass ( I dropped and busted my slow cooker into a trillion pieces yesterday). It wasn't bad - not much blood at all. But, to him his night was ruined with all the "gushing blood". Men!

Oh, we interviewed and "try-out" a new applicant today. She seems very nice, eager, enthusiastic -
and she's a "mom" herself, which is sometimes the best experience. We're on a mission - hiring!
It has become too stressful for me to rework the schedule day in and day out because someone calls in or requests time off. Although this may cause some to lose hours - it has to be done. Requests for time off are out of control! Now that felt great to get that off my chest!

It's tough being "the boss"......................

Water, Exercise, Meditation & Music

So I've set some goals for the next 28 days.

1. To exercise at least 10 minutes a day.
2. To drink 64 oz. of water each day.
3. To read my devotionals each day.

Sas has volunteered to be my accoutability partner, which is wonderful.

Sometime soon we will have a new little life in our home. I need to have energy - I need to feel better. I am on my way to a better ME. :-)

So, what does my wonderful husband do for me today? He bought me a teeny-tiny MP3 player.

I am psyched.