How could I be 44?

I've been busy!

I am breathing a sigh of relief today. Our day care license was good through today. The renewal process was long and tedious. But, we're in great shape and good to go for another two years. Just before "inspection day" we had a minor castastrophe caused by a pipe breaking on the floor above us. Damages weren't too bad. But it caught us at a time when things needed to be "perfect" for the inspector! As a result of the incident, we had to replace carpeting, repair damages to walls, replace ceiling tiles and replace toys we were unable to recover. When it rains, it pours . . .literally! ;)

No news to pass on regarding the adoption. Last I spoke to our worker she said things have picked up since December. A part of me wants to send our profile to the lawyer we spoke with and the other part doesn't want to set myself up for more disappointments. I guess I am guarding my heart from emotions. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing?

Like everyone else around the country, we're experiencing a rough winter in WNY. I cannot believe how much snow we have! It's rather amazing. And..it just keeps coming!

My 44th birthday was yesterday! We started celebrating on Monday with my mother-in-law. Our birthdays are 4 days apart, so we celebrate together. I made a cake- not too impressive - but she loved it. Yesterday my staff put together a spread of good food! We had taco soup, Buffalo chicken wing dip, pasta salad, cheesecake, ice cream cake and puffed pastry! Last night my sister made her homemade sweet-n-sour chicken over brown rice and my other sister made some delightful cupcakes! They are so talented! We pulled out the Monopoly board and played 'til 2:00 AM. It had been years since I played, but it was just as fun as ever.

I promised myself I'd get some cleaning accomplished today, so I best stick to it.

Here are some photos of the cupcakes. Sorry they are a tad blurred, I took them with a cell phone.

The Shack

I finished reading "The Shack" this morning. Personally, I found it to be enlightening, thoughtprovoking...just incredible! There was sooo much to read and understand ... that I am going to start over and read it again. This time I am hoping to catch more of what I may not have understood or simply missed. I don't want to give way to the story line so I will just recommend it as a must read. I am glad I read it and can sincerely say it was life changing in the best way. My relationship with God will never be the same and I can assure it will do the same for you.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to all of you in Bloggerland! It's been a bittersweet year for the T's, as you all know so well just from reading my blog, chatting, etc. As the year came to a close, I honestly stopped to think about our life in 2008 and the tears started to well. It was hard... I know there are others who face far more and I have, still, many blessing to count. I don't want to sounds selfish. But, I will not lie - it was the hardest of my 40 some years. That is not to say it will be my hardest year ever. BUT... it is ok. I've learned so much, I've grown, I appreciate life far more than before and I love life, yes I do. May the new year bring sweet surprises. May I continue to find appreciation for the little things. May my love for family and friends grow in leaps and bounds. May I continue to fall in love with BT over and over again. May I marvel in God's work. May my business grow as God uses me to touch such small lives. May I help someone far less fortunate. May I have good health. May our baby be places in our arms!

Cheers to 2009!

I also want to thank you for your wonderful and sweet replies to my last post! They meant a lot to me.

One thing I've always worked hard at is keeping my spirits up. Without God that would be impossible. So, truly it is He who gets the credit. But I am not perfect, I am just another sinner in an imperfect world. I have a long way to go. The amazing part is how I can try to work things out in my own ways but when the tough gets going, He is RIGHT THERE waiting. What better friend could we ask for than that?

So as we walk this path, often the path less chosen, may we walk with strength,endurance and character and when we stumble along the way may our good friends be there to pick us up and remind us it's ok to have a meltdown once in a while! Yes..it is.

Did you ever stop to think God must really love you because He called YOU to embark upon a journey that is "different" and "remarkable?" He knew you had what it would take and your love, strength, commitment, peace, faith, etc. would shine for others to see! I think that's pretty special! So, when you're down and out ..go ahead ... have a meltdown ..a big old meltdown.. it's God's way of recharging us and keeping our spirit alive for the best is yet to come!

I think so, anyhow.

PS Janet - So good to hear from you! What happened to your blog? I've missed you! :-)

Meltdown!

I am surprised I am posting this as I had decided not to. I didn't want to rehash the emotions. But as I read other blogs of "adoptive Mommies in waiting" I could feel their pain, understand their tears and realize it's ok to have a meltdown once in while! Why sweeten it up? It is what it is .. a very difficult and painful journey that will someday find a happy ending. But in the meantime, it just sucks.

Christmas was so hard for many of us. I know my emotions were running in many directions. BT was working Christmas Eve, I was home alone ...surrounded by last minute things to be done. I had a meltdown! Yes, I did. A MAJOR MELTDOWN. Tears, outbursts, you name it.

I was feeling sorry for myself. It's been an incredibly tough year. I've rolled with the punches and done what I needed to get through. I walked the halls of 5 hospitals and 3 rehab facilities night after night, often into late hours. I've seen my father go from a strong, solid man to a completely dependent nursing home patient. My mother's health has declined. And still is declining. Her heart simply isn't doing it's job. My business has felt the loss of my time and energy. My husband has often been cast aside. My closest friends have stood in the background. We had a few adoption situations, none of which placed a baby in our arms. I couldn't help but cry out, "What have I done so wrong?" And I wondered outloud "Why me, Lord?"

God couldn't give me the answers to my questions. It isn't for me to figure out. He did allow me to cleanse my soul, to let go of all those negative emotions. Now it is up to me to continue trusting Him with all my being, knowing He has the perfect plan and the perfect baby just for us! It isn't always easy to Let Go and Let God, but it's certainly something we all need to do. How much easier it will be to leave the worrying to God and enjoy my life the way it is right now! To take the time to recognize and savor the blessings all around us that are too often overlooked. This is truly all He asks of me.

In the meantime, my faith remains..unwavered. And, I am thankful for my meltdown (did I really say that?)

For those of you who are waiting, we share a common bond. Our feelings are real. We are entitled! God is good. Let Go! Trust Him. We'll be ok! Stick together. Cry when you want to! Laugh everyday. Dream! Pray. Call a friend! Hug someone! Make a difference in the world. And...Keep Looking Up! :-)

I'll do the same.

A Neat Story....

This is a neat little story I wanted to put in writing, just because you never know.

A few nights ago I was in bed, BT was working. It was very late and I should of been asleep. A thought came to me. We really haven't decided on baby names! I began to wonder what would happen if we got a call and didn't have a name picked out? When suddenly a name popped in my head (both first and middle). It's a name I never thought about and one I clearly glanced over when browsing baby name books. It's not on my list - but I fell in love with it! I shared this with Brian the next day - and he loves it! We've decided to keep the name a secret! Afterall, perhaps there is something behind what happened!

The next day, BT and I were shopping at Target. While browing the Christmas aisle, I thought about purchasing an angel ornament to hang and leave up until we get our baby. I didn't think it would be so hard to find a simple angel! Finally, I found one small, shiny, silver angel hanging alone. The odd thing is ... I didn't buy it. After holding it and pausing to think about where our little one might be, I hung it back on the shelf and walked away. The next day at work, I received a small package from a family at my center. Inside was the angel I had seen at Target! I couldn't believe it!

Maybe I am being silly, but I truly think these little messages provide hope... that our baby is coming and hope to get me through the holidays!

Just wanted to share.

C H R I S T mas

C H R I S T mas .....

We all (with the exception of my brother and his family) met at Mom's for brunch which included broccoli/cheese quiche, orange french toast, fresh fruit salad, Preacher Ham and lots of sweet goodies. We grew up on Preacher Ham from Mom's hometown Kentucky! We are so thankful they ship hams all over the US... and the service to great!

Our gift exchange was simplified...we drew names. BT and I received a certificate for a night in a Jacuzzi suite with dinner for two and breakfast for two at a new place in town called Salvatore's Grand. Of course, we can't wait to go! It will be a nice break after a very difficult year.

We visited Dad at the home but unfortunately he was wiped out... probably a result of pain meds. He doesn't remember us being there. OH!....BT and I found an awesome 15" digital photo frame! We're filling it with family pictures and setting it to run continuously in his room. He is going to LOVE it.

BT worked Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and the day after. . and he's now working the weekened. We haven't had a chance to celebrate and our gifts to eachother remain unwrapped.

It's been very hard on me to accept his schedule. . always working weekends . . always working holidays. But as those of you in Buffalo already know, they've been letting on-air personalities go and even offered the union employees a buy-out. So, we're just thankful BT is still working and getting the hours. We're hoping and praying all the changes will give BT a better schedule for the new year.

Most importantly, the reason for this wonderful holiday remains the same and has not been forgotten. Christ loved us all enough to send his infant Son to the world; promising those of us who believe in Him eternal life! What better gift is there than that? And to think it was made possible through one tiny child.

Merry Christmas To All ....

And to ALL a good-night!

I am leaving you with just a glimpse of little ones at my center. Christmas truly is all about the children.... As it should be. Afterall, it all started because of one very small child.

Would anyone like to guess who the man is in the Red Suit? ;)

Jaxon & Santa

My adorable nephew with Santa!
Life doesn't get any better than this! ;)
Am I a proud Aunt or what?

Just A Little Up-date

BT called our SW yesterday. If I had to come up with one word to describe the call, I would say "discouraging" would be the perfect fit.

Let me give you a condensed version of our time line:

October 2003 We attended an orientation at the agency. At that time they were accepting applications. But, they were not accepting couples into the "home study" process.

May 2004 We were invited to begin the home study process.

Dec 2004 Our home study was complete.

Jan 2005 We submitted our completed profile, which officially made us "waiters".

January 2005 - Present We've experienced several situations through our agency as well as a few others we were introduced to through friends and friends-of-friends. None of which resulted in us bringing a baby home.

At the end of this Month we will have officially completed 4 full years of being "waiters" ..with a lot of stories to tell.

So, back to the phone call from yesterday.

BT was told the agency placed 8 babies this year (2008). BUT, there has been little to no activity the past few months. None. We have not been shown. We have not been chosen.

WHAT THE HECK?!

Now, it's the holidays, so of course we're really mourning the absence of a child in our home.

Are we feeling emotional? Very much so! Are we a tad edgy? Perhaps a tad ;)

So, I called a private adoption attorney that comes highly recommended.

Left her a message.. and she called me right back.

We had a great conversation. I will be mailing her a copy of our profile for her review.

I look forward to talking to her again soon.

I also sent an email to another attorney who has our profile. It's been a year, so I thought it would be beneficial to give her a gentle reminder we are still very interested.

New Notebook Computer!

I am having a very exciting day! BT found the perfect notebook computer for me. I needed one that was small, light-weight (5.2 lbs) and ultra-portable, without sacrificing all the features I was looking for. And.. I had to stay within a certain budget.



It is going to make life so much easier - I'll be able to work on QUICKSBOOKS and WORD whereever I am . . home, work, nursing home, hospital, etc . . it's gonna make life so much easier.


I am S O H A P P Y ! ! ! Thank you, BT! You seriously rock!

TAG!

Tag!

You're supposed to do the following:

1. Open the 4th picture folder your computer.

2. Choose the 4th picture and post it on your blog.

3. Explain the picture.

4. Tag 4 people to do the same

The above photo is the 4th folder, 4th picture in MY pictures folder. It just happens to be 4 co-workers (including my BT <3) in the C.hannel 4 News Room! How cool is that? OK .... I need to tag 4 persons, but encourage ALL my friendly blog buddies to play along!

Let's see, I am going to randomly choose 4 persons from my Awesome Bloggers List to tag:

PeWee http://meekthejerksandme.blogspot.com/

Stephanie http://iansadoption.blogspot.com/

Debbie http://russianbrown.blogspot.com/

Kathy http://kathyskorner4.blogspot.com/

News Room

So this is what goes on in the News Room!
Very early New's Years celebrations?
And I thought he produced news stories! ;)

Finally, A Great Doctor for ME

I've been seeing a new endo for about 2 months now and I think he's G R E A T . Although I was hesitant to start insulin, it really was a good move. Of course, I didn't want to admit I needed it (denial) .. and I always heard once you go on it, you're on it for life. Wrong! It's most definitely reversible. And... the best part is not having the side effects of swallowing pills!
It's not joyful carrying around my tiny, little "supply" bag. Writing down everything is a pain. And... who likes to prick themselves up to 7 times daily (between shots and checking levels)? But, it's working out for me . . so far.

He works with me. I fax him my diary weekly and he calls to let me know what (if any) changes I should make.

He sent me for lab work ... and to my complete surprise the test revealed I am seriously deficient in both Vitamin B-12 and D. I started Vitamin B-12 two weeks ago. Today I start Vitamin D, taking 50,000 units once a week for 16 weeks, then I can change to an over-the-counter dose on a daily basis.

Why am I writing all this? Because I am thrilled to have found a doctor who takes a real interest and covers all bases! :0) No nurses, no PA's... just good old fashioned doctors care (with today's advance technology). I am also eager to see how I feel in a few months.

Ever Roast A Garlic Bulb Whole?

We have a wonderful Greek restaurant BT and I LOVE to frequent. It seems each time we go we try something new. This week we tried the roasted vegetable platter, which was a delight!

For the first time ever, I experienced eating a whole roasted garlic bulb among other delicous veggies . . . mushrooms, banana peppers, red peppers, olive spread, eggplant and pita triangles.

Let me tell you ... I am craving that roasted garlic! So, I did a little googling and was amazed to find out just how easy it is to prepare. Perhaps tomorrow I'll try making my own.

Here are the directions if anyone else is a garlic lover! So yummy.

ROASTED GARLIC

3 whole garlic bulbs
2 - 3 tsps. extra virgin olive oil

Preheat oven to 375

Peel away the outer layers of skin of the garlic bulb, leaving the skins of the individual cloves intact; leave garlic bulb whole.

Using a sharp knife, slice 1/4 - 1/2-inch off of the pointed end of the garlic bulbs, exposing the individual cloves of garlic.

Put the garlic head in a small ovenproof dish, garlic roaster, or pan. Pour 1/2 teaspoon olive oil over the top of each bulb and let it sink in between the cloves. Wait 2 minutes and then repeat with another 1/2 teaspoon olive oil over each garlic bulb.

Either cook in a garlic cooker or place on a baking sheet and cover with aluminum foil (this is great for cooking large amounts of garlic).

Bake approximately 45 to 60 minutes or until cloves are browned at the exposed end and soft throughout.

Remove from oven.

Allow to cool enough so you can touch it without burning yourself. Use a small small knife cut the skin slightly around each clove. Use a cocktail fork or your fingers to pull or squeeze the roasted garlic cloves out of their skins.

Garlic may be stored in a tightly covered container in the refrigerator for several days.





Interestingly, when I further googled "Roasted Garlic" I found this . . . .

It's called R.oasted G.arlic E.press.




Can you guess what's going on my Christmas list? :-)

On being thankful . . .

Thanksgiving wasn't the same. . . it just wasn't. Life has been hard lately. So I took time to reflect and discovered there is so much to be thankful for.

I AM THANKFUL . . . . .

I am a child of God and HE loves ME!

I know Him and can pray for those who do not.

for my wonderful husband who loves me so much and has been my best friend.

for my family who have stuck together unconditionally through such dark hours.

for our home.

for being able to be next door to my parents during the time they need us most.

for still having my parents and the medical community that has made that possible.

for my friends whom I love so much and love me right back!

for girlfriends who let me talk . . and talk . . and talk.

for my wonderful business. It is He who is to be given the praise.

for my business partner and every staff member.

for every child and opportunities to touch small hearts.

for my health and the ability to take care of my body. Exercise is a wonderful thing.

for my silver Rendezvous that's bops me all around town!

for my community.

for living in an area where we can appreciate all 4 seasons.

for the internet, where I met so many wonderful friends (and my dear husband). ;)

for telephones! How can a girl live without a phone? ;)

for good food and diet Pepsi. ;)

AND OF COURSE, I AM SO THANKFUL . . .

for the road to adoption.

for His most perfect plan and the little blessing yet to come.

for the child who will call me "Mommy"

for the small hugs that are yet to come.


And Lord, thank you for the patience and wisdom you've given me.

I marvel at how good You are to me. Help me to be a fine example of your love to others.

Blogger Boutique

My friend, Ragan, from Blogger Boutique, is giving away a FREE Basic Blogger Design; which includes a header (customized with your photo(s) and title), 2-texture background, favicon, signature, post divider, sidebar title image, custom text font, color coordination of your text and installation on your blog!!!

Visit her site at BloggerBoutique.com for details.

Enter by Dec. 1

GOOD LUCK!

I need to post .... something ?

It's been a few weeks. I haven't posted because life is one day at a time in my world right now. My Dad is still very sick . . . very, very sick. He's back and forth between the hospital and the nursing home. He'll likely never have food or drink again and it's so hard to understand what he is saying. He was supposed to be ok, come home again, but just because he was not cared for properly, his life is being cut short. I can not wrap my brain around it. Mom is so down, so afraid ... I can't imagine being her. And as most of you know, she has serious health complications herself. I am having a horrible time, we all are. My emotions are all over the place. I really want to keep my blog happy - while we wait for the adoption. Truthfully, happy is so hard to achieve during such times.

Along with all the stress comes some concerns regarding my own health. I am doing the best I can. . eating right . . exercising . . . taking better care of me. But, the reality is stress can play havoc on our systems. It's tough to control my blood sugar levels, so I am now giving myself insulin shots. I hate it. I am also taking vitamin B-12 since my labs came back I was deficient.

I am working hard to keep a healthy balance between my own needs, our marriage, my parents and my work (in that order). Unfortunately, my work suffers the most.

I've heard NOTHING from our agency (since August). Things must be super slow, cause 3 mths. ago we were couple #2.

I just keep telling myself to keep praying, trusting God, doing what I need to do for the "right now" and someday soon our baby will come and we will experience joy like we've never experienced before. Our little blessing will here soon!

National Adoption Month

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this- so I am putting it out there for anyone else who may want to read it.

Presidential Proclamation for 2008 National Adoption Month

During National Adoption Month, we recognize the compassion of adoptive and foster families as we seek to raise awareness of the need for every child in America to have a safe, loving, and permanent home.

Adopting a child is a great joy and also a great responsibility. Parents are a child’s first teachers, and adoptive families can help children learn character and values, the importance of giving back to their community and country, and the courage to realize their potential. On November 15, caring parents across our Nation will celebrate National Adoption Day by finalizing their adoptions and bringing home children in need of a hopeful life.

My Administration is committed to helping young people find the love, stability, and support that a family can provide. We have joined with community and faith-based organizations to raise public awareness of foster children awaiting adoption. With the help of the Congress, we are assisting families in overcoming the financial barriers to adopting children through programs such as the Adoption Incentives Program. In addition, the Collaboration to AdoptUsKids project, which can be found at adoptuskids.org, provides guidance and resources for parents exploring adoption.

During National Adoption Month, we honor adoptive and foster parents who have shown America the depth and kindness of the human heart. Their love and dedication inspire the next generation of Americans to achieve their dreams and demonstrate the true spirit of our Nation.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim November 2008 as National Adoption Month. I call upon all Americans to observe this month with appropriate programs and activities to honor adoptive families and to participate in efforts to find permanent homes for waiting children.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this thirty-first day of October, in the year of our Lord two thousand eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.

GEORGE W. BUSH

Election Day 2008

And we picked the best time. We didn't have to wait in line.

All Because 2 People Fell In Love

You asked me earlier if it seems like we've really been together 11 years ( married 7 ) and I told you in many ways it doesn't seem possible, yet at times it seems I've known you forever. That's because I can not imagine life without you, my best friend and soul mate.

When I think about the trials we've faced in our first several years of marriage, I am thankful for you being here with me, sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. I have no doubt we've loved better, grown closer, laughed more and hugged every day because of how our admiration has grown in spite of all the challenges.

God makes no mistakes. His promises are clear. We both know that and we both hold tight to our faith no matter the circumstances. We've been blessed and God has an even bigger blessing He is waiting to present to us in His most perfect timing.

Thank you for holding me up when when I am down and encouraging me all along the way. Thank you for being the wind beneath my wings.

I love you sooo much. XOXOXOXOXOXO

'Ti