Me & My Dad ....

I am doing great - taking steps (literally) each day to become a healthier me! I have officially completed a month of walking at least 6 nights a week. And...it feels fantastic! It does wonders for the heart and the soul. The weather has been fully cooperative..... Cool, clear and crisp on most nights. I walk later, so it's rather calm and peaceful. I will miss the outdoors greatly when old man winter hits, but that problem will be solved by our new (to us) treadmill! And, of course, I can walk at the mall anytime, it's so nice and close.

My Dad, on the other hand, is not doing so well. I know we need to accept his quality of life is rather poor, and really there isn't much else they can do for him. But, it's hard.... our hearts want him to get better. He's only 73! To me, that's too young for anyone to suffer the way he's suffering. So why can't they find what's wrong and fix it? Why is everything so unpredictable? Why can't they give us answers? And why is my family enduring such heartache? We've been riding an emotional roller coaster for 8 months. Really, with no good answers. I am frustrated ... he's had a bad couple of days and my heart breaks to see him and not be able to do SOMETHING to make him feel better. I want to fall apart when I see him sobbing. My father who never cried in front of his children - is now helpless and flowing with tears. I know I need to keep the faith. I know it is all a part of God's plan. I know when he leaves us, he will be free from pain and suffering. But still . . it really hurts.

It really is different when it's one of your "parents". It's a loss all of it's own. There will be times I will want to turn to him for answers to questions or share something that happened at work that day. I know I will miss him when our forever baby finally comes home! I will be able to tell my child about "Poppy" but it won't be the same as the experiences the other grandchildren have had, the memories they'll always keep deep in their hearts. I will never forget his anticipation as we would speak of possible situations, or the tears he cried when a situation did not work out in our favor. How easy it would be to become angry and bitter but I know God will give me the grace I need and memories to cherish forever.

Oh, I just wanted to add that we have not heard back regarding the situation from last week. I may call our SW tomorrow to see if there are any developments.

New Look & Lurkers

I gave my blog a "new do" tonight. It was simpler than I thought - and I really like it. What do you think, my blogger friends?

I see my blog has guests from all over! I'd love to know who you are - where your from - etc. .
Please, come out of lurking and post a comment!

40 Tips for a Better Life

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. while you walk, smile.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement,
'My purpose is to __________ today.'

5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6. Play more and read more books.

7. Make time to practice meditation.
They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants;
eat less food that is manufactured.

11. Drink green tea; plenty of water.
Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds and walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear clutter from your home, car, desk; let new energy into your life.

14. Don't waste precious energy on gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts
or things you cannot control. Invest energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like
algebra class;lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid
with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the NEGATIVE BLUES away.

18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'.
You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words:
'In five years, will this matter?'

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business; and shouldn't matter.

28. REMEMBER GOD heals everything.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.
Your friends will. Stay in touch.

31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

35. Do the right thing!

36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!!!)

37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:
I am thankful for __________.
Today I accomplished _________.

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World andyou certainly don't
want a fast pass. You only have oneride through life so make the most of it.

40. Pray everyday! God is right there waiting to share life with you!

Prayer Appreciated

I spoke to our worker today. Our profile is being shown, along with 4 others.

It's a "unique situation". She wanted to be sure we were ok with it.

Prayer appreciated. :-)

Remembering 9/11/01

A fun night....

BT and I had a "date" night tonight. We went into the city for souvlaki - it was yummy and gave us a change of scenery. There's something about going downtown that's just FUN and ROMANTIC!

Just how many cups of FREE coffee can you collect in one day? Well, we have a card from D unkin' D onut for FREE medium coffee on Wednesday. OK, I was in a good mood and just wanted to have fun, so whenever we saw a D unkin' we stopped, by the end of the day we had collected 7 cups of coffee at no charge! It sounds like alot, but with 3 of us (we brought 2 back to Mom) it went fast.

Then we went to the Mall to walk. I hadn't been to the Mall in a long time.
They've added on soooo much.

It's really beginning to feel like Fall and I am lovin' it! Hoping to make it to the nursery this weekend for some pretty mums!

When I was walking earlier, I received a text message....A family friend gave birth to a 7 lb, 6 oz. baby girl today. Hoping to have pictures soon! I am soooo happy for her.

Although I walked tonight- I feel like a little more! I really missed walking outdoors. The air is cool and crisp.. I think I'll go enjoy a tad more. Before we know it, the snow will fall.

Walking ...

It's been about 3 weeks since I started walking again! Although my jaunts are short -averaging 20 minutes per day - I feel so much better. I am being extra cautious not to overdo it (due to my back problem) but I will slowly build up to 30 - 40 minutes a day.

I go for blood work in one week. It will be rather interesting to see the "hopefully" positive effects on my blood sugar.

Anyhow, the purpose of this post was to announce I have a treadmill now! I don't need it now, as I really enjoy walking outdoors, but come winter, it's going work out fantastic. Now, I am thinking a small tv - one of those super flat ones you can mount on the wall! I'll be all set!

Creative Abilities of a Preschooler

My friend sent these photos to me as a picture message on my cell phone. Since I have yet to become a Mom, I learn all the "tricks" through my friend's children, children in my day care and my own nieces and nephews. Apparently, this is what 3 year olds do during afternoon nap! Now..that's creative, in my opinion!

Up-Date on Baby Girl

I heard from our mutual friend again....apparently there is a "cousin" interested in adopting the baby I spoke of last week and they are trying to work out the details. From what I understand, the adoptive couple desires a completely closed adoption and the grandmother wants to be very active in the babies life. I hope they are able to make an agreement that works well for both, most defintely what is best for this little baby girl. My heart aches for the baby and I am praying for her . She needs to be placed in the arms of her forever Mommy and Daddy.

I also spoke to our agency this week. Our worker was very upbeat when I spoke to her- although she can't say much, she hinted a lot was going on. It felt good - felt right.

I believe God used this past week to show me I truly have not given up - my hearts yearns to bring our forever baby home as much now as ever, perhaps even a little more. And, God is faithful -

The past few years have been very difficult for us. We've faced many, many challenges with our families. As I look back at the "big picture" I can see how God has worked in our lives and He does know what is best. I look forward with anticipation and His plan is revealed.

It's been a few days...

Just thinking, it wasn't meant to be.... again.

How many losses must we face to bring our baby home?

It's just not making sense.

Perhaps I need to sleep.

Keeping The Faith ... And Praying!

V EXCITING NEWS!!!!!!!


Although I could not decide if I should post this, I've decided there's really no harm in telling the story, so here goes.

Over the weekend, I announce to BT I need to give up on the adoption. The wait is just too hard and and is effecting me emotionally & physically. I suggested we start thinking of other interests, things to do with our lives. Please know my heart is breaking as I am telling him. But, I just wanted the ache to go away.

Then a few days later, I tell him I'd like to have a Puppy! I want something small, loveable and one that doesn't shed too much.

I upset my poor DH terribly. Bad enough he cried and asked me to please not give up!
He said, "I want a baby, I do not want a puppy!"

Then out of the clear blue sky, I get a phone call. It was someone I know professionally, but over the years we have become good friends. She knows someone who has a newborn and is seriously interested in making an adoption plan. She shared some of the details, of which I am not comfortable posting on a public blog. But anyhow, she told her all about us! She called to see if we are interested? Why sure we are! I gave her the OK to give them my phone number. My friend called me back again yesterday to say they are very interested in talking to us, but they asked for a few days. My friend really believes their decision is a very solid one.

I am trying not to get too excited, as we've been let down so many times before. But, the truth is I am very excited. It all sounds too good to be true!

I keep thinking about how just a day or so before I told my DH I needed to give up.
How many times I've heard when you're ready to give up, good things happen!
Could it be?

I also know I'll be ok if it doesnt work out. I'll know it was God's way of showing me I truly wasn't ready to give up!

KEEPING THE FAITH ....and PRAYING! Y

Butter Finger Ice Cream Sandwich Cake

I just thought I'd share a fun recipe! It's easy and so delicous!
Your friends will wonder how you did it.





Ice Cream Sandwich Cake

About 20 ice cream sandwiches
1 20 oz. container Cool Whip
1/2 jar caramel topping
chocolate sauce
2 Butterfinger Bars-crushed

Layer the bottom of a 9x13 baking dish with 10 ice cream sandwiches and cut any to fit. Layer about 1/2 jar of caramel sauce over the sandwiches. Layer 1/2 the container of Cool Whip. Sprinkle one crushed Butterfinger on the Cool Whip. Layer more ice cream sandwiches to fit. Cover them with the chocolate sauce. Layer the rest of the Cool Whip. Top with the other crushed Butterfinger Bar. You can top with additional sauce if you would like. Cover and freeze until firm.

I've also made it without the caramel and chocolate sauces - another delicious, yet not so sweet, treat!

No Act of Kindness, No Matter How Small, Is Ever Wasted

Kindness: –noun 1. the state or quality of being kind 2. a kind act; favor: his many kindnesses to me. 3. kind behavior: I will never forget your kindness. 4. friendly feeling; liking...

I received a special package in the mail today. One of my blog friends, Debbie, sent me a Pooh outfit her beautiful daughter Isabel had outgrown. I was very touched by her thoughtfulness.

Thank you, Debbie, for being so thoughtful, your kindness will not soon be forgotten.

We Won A Gourmet Lunch!

Recently, I entered a contest on a local radio station website. The contest was for an "Office Break". The prize was food and dessert from a gourmet bakery. All I had to do to enter was tell them why our office deserves a break! I don't remember what I wrote, but it must have been good, because we WON!

Wednesday at noon, the Morning Show Host delivered lunch and dessert to me and my employees! The photo is of the morning show host and a few of our providers.

So fun!

Cuteness!

As I looked around the nursery recently, I realized there is a lot of cuteness going on. So I decided to get "up close and personal" with the camera. I'll start by sharing "The Silly Ole' Bear" accessories. I think Pooh is grand! Can you tell ?

I bought the Classic Pooh Switch Plate many years ago, kept it stored in my "hope chest".


Photo Holder!









This print will hang on the wall above the crib.
It was a gift from one of my employees.









These are already hanging on the wall
as you walk in the room.












The many faces of Pooh! Mostly gifts
we received throughout the wait. Now you know
what I've been doing with my time - collecting Pooh Bears!
There can never be too much Pooh!










Classic Pooh Shape Sorter we picked up on one
of our many T A R G E T excursions.












This Baby Pooh is very special!
It was a Christmas gift for baby from my Dad.
He bought it after we announced we were adopting.
The denim hat was a gift from my sister!













An "up-close" view of the window treatments.
Somewhere on this blog you can see the whole window!












Handprint/Footprint Frames
Another great buy from T A R G E T!












Lamp/Bookends/Pooh Books
I had the bookends in my room when I
still lived at home with Mom and Dad.











Classic Pooh Night Light....
A gift from Uncle Jonathan and family!












More Pooh ................




















And ..... plenty of Pooh Banks for College Fund! ;)

Turning 40 is fun!

When I turned 40, my dear friend, Tracey, made a sign so everyone in town was sure to know I had reached the BIG 40. Notice how she worded the sign, hoping to throw me off - thinking I wouldn't suspect her. I stored that sign for 3 years, knowing someday I would be given the opportunity to pay back the favor.

Recently, Tracey, turned 40. I was sure to replace the verbage on the sign. BT drove 60 miles to place it on her lawn! It didn't take her long to figure it out.

Turning 40 is fun! But good friends are even more fun! :-)

PS If you click on the sign you can see the details of all the little critters much better!

Ordinary Miracle

I am so pleased! The song "Ordinary Miracle" keeps running through my head. Particularly the part that says "It seems so exceptional, That things just work out after all, It's just another ordinary miracle today".

It's been a very long week. Dad was admitted to ICU after a long ER visit. The infection spread to his blood stream and quite possibly bone. He has tested positive to M*R*S*A and C*Dif. Things were NOT looking good. We were actually given the impression he was not going to come out of it. I won't go into the details of how horribly depressing it's been. I will say we were preparing for Dad to pass in the very near future. One day he came to and had an emotional breakdown. He cried so hard, he was giving up the fight and wanted us to all know he loved us.
I didn't know my heart could hurt so bad.

BUT... he has since advanced to the "ICU Step Down Unit" ... and we're seeing improvement.

It was not only a shock to us, but to the hospital staff as well. He's alert, talking, even asking for ice cream (now that's my Dad)! I fed him apple juice yesterday. Although I had use a stick with a small sponge at the end, he managed to take about 2 ounces.

Mom and I met with Dr. B yesterday afternoon. Mom needed to make a decision regarding surgery. Option 1: NO surgery. The bed sore would not go away (ever), eventually it would cause complications leading to death. Option 2: Proceed with surgery to debrine the bed sore. There are some risks. Healing process would be very slow, and could take up to 6 months (or more). He would return to rehab. Mom is opting for surgery. I imagine it will be soon, as they called today for consent.

He is showing minor irregularities in his heart rhythm, therefore they are keeping a close eye on that. He is still testing positive to M*R*S*A and C*Dif. Still very confused, however we see very small indications that may be getting better. Dr. B does not feel his cognitive problems are permanent. I continue to prayer he is correct. And I continue to be thankful for God's continued intervention.

A few short days ago, Dad was on the brink of death. I can't explain how it felt to walk in the room, expecting the worst and instead have him turn his head, look at me and start talking- WHO CARES IF HE MADE ANY SENSE! ;-) To see nurses who cared for him during the darkest hours come to his room just to see it for themselves is yet another gentle reminder how God works.

Dad is not out of the woods. The surgery itself presents some risks. The next several days will determine so much more. But I can tell you there is a difference. And for that, we are so grateful.

GOD IS AWESOME!

Click below to view the video "Ordinary Miracle":

Ordinary Miracle

Yesterday ..

Yesterday was a rough day for my Dad. The nursing home called at 11 AM to tell us he needed to go to the hospital. He was in the ER until 2 AM when a bed opened up. He is in ICU with an infection known as SEPlS (one of the greatest dangers of an advanced pressure sore, this occurs when bacteria from a massive infection enter your bloodstream and spread throughout your body — a rapidly progressing, life-threatening condition that can cause shock and organ failure.). He has high fever, pain and very low blood pressure. Today, he will be seen by a surgeon, skin care team and someone from infection control. Hopefully we will have news later on.

A Special Coffee Treat

I recieved an e-mail indicating I may be eligible for a free S E N S E O coffee machine. I already own one and love it! But, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to get one for my office at work. All I had to do was take a very brief survey and agree to pay shipping. I did and soon found out I was eligible!

Today, my package arrived, just as promised. How nice it was to unwind with a delicious cup of S E N S E O coffee tonight (decaf, of course) complete with Vanilla Carmel Creamer. Yum!

Dad

Dad isn't doing too great today. He has fever, isn't talking, isn't eating, etc.
It makes my heart ache. And, I feel afraid.


Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Don't Worry, Be Happy! :-)

This has to be one the my favorites! I love it!
Don't Worry Be Happy Bobby Mc Ferrin [ Smile ] - The funniest home videos are here


Don't Worry, Be Happy!
Here's a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry, be happy.
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy.
Don't worry, be happy now.

*Don't worry, be happy.
Don't worry, be happy.
Don't worry, be happy.
Don't worry, be happy.

Ain't got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don't worry, be happy.
The landlord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy.

*(Look at me -- I'm happy. Don't worry, be happy. Here I give you my phone number. When you worry, call me, I make you happy. Don't worry, be happy.)

Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style
Ain't got no gal to make you smile
Don't worry, be happy.
'Cause when you worry your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
Don't worry, be happy.

*(Don't worry, don't worry, don't do it. Be happy. Put a smile on your face. Don't bring everybody down. Don't worry. It will soon pass, whatever it is. Don't worry, be happy. I'm not worried, I'm happy... )

I've been tagged

Tagged by Camille (Adventures in Mommyland) .

Four Jobs I've had:

1. Child Day Care Administrator
2. Preschool Teacher
3.
4.

Four Movies I've watched more then once:

1. Grease
2. Sleepless in Seattle
3. Gone with the Wind
4. Thornbirds

Four Places I Have Lived:

1. D E P E W ~ NY
2. L A N C A S T E R ~ NY
3.
4.

Four TV Show I watch:

1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Brother's & Sisters
3. October Road which is canceled next season :(
4. Private Practice

Four Places I've been:

1. FLORIDA
2. KENTUCKY
3. BOSTON MA
4. CANADA

Four People Who Email Me Regularly:

1. Tracey
2 Carmel
3.
4. Cassandra

Four of My Favorite Foods:

1. GREEK
2. ITALIAN
3. MEXICAN
4. AMERICAN

Four Places I'd Like to Visit

1. Ireland
2. Denver
3. Georgia
4. California

Four Things I'm Looking Forward to This Year:

1. Bringing home our baby!
2. Holding our baby!
3. Going to KY!
4. Vacation!

Four People I Tag:

1. Debbie B
2. Colette
3. Sue
4. Annie

Thank you!

To everyone who has been so kind to check in on my Dad, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Our family sees an improvement but the medical community isn't saying anything. Go figure. They are still weaning him off the meds, it's a very slow process. But, the last couple days I have definitely felt there was a "tiny" improvement with each day. He's still unable to do just about anything, but he is calmer, less upset, less confusion, etc. I printed out some family photos tonight. I am going to "perk up" his room this weekend. I think he's ready for it! Thank you for asking - and thank you all for your continued prayers. We are all hanging in there. At times my faith is certainly tested. But, ultimately I know God is in control and I need to leave it in His hands. I just miss my Dad the way I knew him ..... that makes me very sad. I am going to share a few photos. They were both taken within the past year, before he got so sick.

Summer Storm -

We had interesting weather today. I was working, not paying much attention. In my mind it was a typical, hot summer day. All the sudden I hear pelting on the windows. I look out and can not believe the hail that's coming down. They were huge, some as large as golfballs. It was scary -but when it ended we enjoyed a gorgeous rainbow. I love rainbows!!!

BT took this photo of a hail ball from our yard. We saw even larger ones on the evening news.

Happy Father's Day

"Stand and see this great thing which the Lord will do before your eyes. 1 Samuel 12:16"

Sad :(

My heart was sad today.

I spoke to our social worker.

The young lady she called us about still had not made a decision. They showed her every profile they have - and nothing.

My heart breaks for her. To be 14, pregnant and feel so alone. She doesn't want to place her baby. But, the family member who takes care of her does not support her decision to keep the baby.

I'll say a special prayer for her tonight.

And I feel sad because Father's Day is Sunday - and BT will be reminded of yet another year he is not a Dad.

I'll say a little prayer for us today, too - that parenthood will come along real soon.

Our profile was shown to a birthmother this week. However, we were not chosen.

The agency is still working with the other birthmother and will proceed with it.
This is the one we were "highly favored" for, but the birthmother was unable to commit. She is very, very young, and she wants to keep her baby. However, she has no family support. It's sad ... very sad.

In other news, she told me our profile has been very well received with great feedback.


Dad is showing little bits of improvement with each day. He's certainly not out of the woods and has a long road ahead of him.

Do you ever wish you could look into the future? It's during times like these I wish I knew what lies ahead. But, then I am reminded God has the perfect plan and we need to trust Him and know He will take care of us.

Quick Up-Date Dad & Adoption

Dad appeared to be a bit better today. When he seizured they told us it could be 48+ hours before he begins to come around. I guess he is right on target!

He was a tad grumpy and aggitated. But, we rejoiced in hearing his voice (although only a few words). It brought hope!

All the tests have come back negative with the exception an x-ray showed a small amount of fluid on his lung. It was caused from the rib being removed during surgery. Apparently this is not uncommon.

The doctor has finally agreed to our request to wean him off the Parkinson's Medication!
This has been a huge concern (after much research, of course), yet our requests have fallen on deaf ears.

He is, by no means, out of the woods. But, seeing him try to move, talk and open his eyes was a wonderful thing.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Our agency called this morning.

Our profile was HIGHLY FAVORED by the birthmom and her family. After 5 hours of talking and going over profiles she was unable to make a decision. She is very, very young and struggling as she wants to keep her baby. She has no family support, her options are limited. My heart goes out to her, it really does. I am praying for her and the baby. We may and may not hear more from this situation.

Our profile is also being shown to another birthmom this week. I do not have details, except that our agency is going to present us - and I know she is due in August.

On that note, I am off to bed! Good-night all!

Up-Date On Dad

We had a very rough day yesterday. Dad seizured and they couldn't get him out of it. They took him to the ER by ambulance. We stayed right there with him, but it was hard to tell if he knew we were there. He was so out of it. It was the longest 12 hours of my life. We finally came home late last night.... which was so hard to do (especially for my Mom, but with her health issues, we knew she needed to get rest).

They came to take him up to his room, so we decided to grab some coffee in the cafeteria. We were all in the cafeteria talking to our Pastor when we heard "Rapid Response Team, 5th Floor" over the PA. I had a gut feeling and went up to his room. The call was for my Dad, he had briefly stopped breathing and they could not get him to respond. So, he's on a CPAP machine now - and has settled down substantially.

We had to discuss Dads wishes, in the event he would stop breathing again or his heart would stop. My poor Mother, I feel so bad for her having to make such decisions. She cried so hard, just fell apart. Her heart is broken.

They did a CTScan of his brain, which came back negative. So, today, the neurologist ordered a few tests, including a brain MRI. We are supposed to hear something from the doctor this afternoon.

Again, they brough up the "questionable Parkinson's Disease diagnosis", thinking perhaps there is something going on they have been unable to detect. Noone should have to suffer so. And, not knowing why makes it even harder. The hardest part of all is when he is yelling out for help - and we can't help him.

No News .....

No news today! It's going to make for a very long weekend.

BT and I went to Chili's Thurs. night. We were sitting in the lounge area chatting. We talked mostly about this possible situation. We're both excited, yet afraid. If we are chosen, we could become parents very soon (she's due in June and they are expecting her to go early). Once the baby is born, they will set a court date for ASAP. Once they go to court, we become the prospective adoptive parents. Since the baby will require surgery, we would need to "camp out" in or near the hospital (which is 3 hours from home) anywhere from 2 - 12 weeks. It's a lot to think about - with such notice. But, we feel confident, we could do it.

One thought that kept running through my mind, was there are up to 4 other couples in New York State having the same conversation, feeling the same anticipation, wondering if this will be the one! 5 couples in all, and just 1 baby. That's tough to swallow.

And so, I prayed. I prayed for the baby, the bparents, the agency and all the couples. I have peace knowing God already has a plan for this child. I will be ok if this is not the one for us.
For we know God has Great Plans - and it's getting closer every day.

Wanted to share . . .

Our profile is being shown tomorrow (Friday). The baby has a (correctable) birth defect which was detected on an ultrasound. Shortly after birth the baby will have surgery and remain in the hospital for the first 1 - 3 months. We did a lot of research and feel it is something we are comfortable with. This little one needs our prayers, as does the birth parents and chosen couple.
.
The agency plans to show profiles tomorrow (and we're one of them)!
.
Prayers welcome!
.
"Stand and see this great thing which the Lord will do before your eyes. 1 Samuel 12:16"

22nd Annual Preschool Graduation 2008

We are so proud of each of our graduates!
Congratulations Class of 2008

The best rewards in life come from the little ones!

I am so blessed!

I Love Spring! :-)

What a gorgeous day we're having in our neck of the woods! The sun is shining, birds are chirping away and everything is so, so pretty! I love SPRING! And, I love SUNSHINE!

I haven't posted in a week. It was Graduation week for our little cherubs who are off to Kindergarten in September. The program was wonderful. I was concerned there were a lot of little bloopers, but the children were so happy, giddy, etc....and that it truly what mattered the most. Their excitement made my week. It certainly is the little ones who teach us the best lessons in life. I'll come back later and post a few photos.

BT and I took a drive yesterday! It felt great. We drove 1 hour, stopped for a sandwich, did a little shopping, had ice cream, popped in on his Mom and came back home. Crazy, I know..especially with the price of gasoline. But, it was spontaneous and fun - and a much needed break.

Today, I am working. Taking advantage of a quiet day to catch up on things.
BT is off tomorrow - and so am I - we're thrilled!!!! Not that we have big plans. We'll probably just stay home, grill something good and go see my Dad. But, both of us being home on the same days rarely happens, so it will be NICE.

Speaking of my Dad.... I wish I had better news to report. We had high hopes he'd be much better by now. It's like a different person in my Dad's body. The doctors have taken him off almost all pain medication and he's still so confused. He's also very weak and still not getting out of bed. I know I am doing the right thing by spending time with him whenever I can. But, if you've ever been in a situation like this, you know how emotionally draining it can be. I spoke with the neurosurgeon yesterday. He reminded me that Dad has been on some heavy duty narcotics for a long time - and he is taking P.rkinson's medication. He also stressed that he needs to be taken out of the hospital environment where they can get him up, moving and stimulated. Once he is moved to rehab, he can see his neurologist and determine what to do about the P.rkinson's medication, as they are still not convinced he actually has PD. I continue to pray - and am reminded God is in control. Although we'd like to take control, it is ultimately HIS. He is a merciful God and a loving God. We will be ok.

Back to work! I'll come back later to post those photos.

Just Another Miracle Today! :-)

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DAD did very well. The surgery was intense - approximately 12 hours. He removed 2 vertebrae (T-12 and L1) replacing it with titanium cages, 4 screws and bone taken from a rib. Although recovery will be difficult, Dr. R told us the pain before surgery was worse than what he will experience throughout his recovery. 5-7 days in the hospital, followed by a couple weeks in rehab and then home, if all goes well. What they saw on the MRI was scar tissue and inflammation from a previous blood infection, which may be the cause of the breakdown. Both the discs had liquified. They are sending everything off for testing, but he felt confident it was not cancer.

After so many many months of pain and suffering God answered our prayers. This neurosurgeon saved my Dad's life. We will forever be grateful to this gifted man.
Thank you God, for this miracle. And, thank you, friends, for your prayers.

My Mamma did very well, too. We were very proud of her. She went to see him before surgery (6:00 AM) and was able to stick it out the whole time. We heard NOTHING from the hospital staff from 7:15 AM - 10:15 PM. It had to be the most difficult 14 hours ever.

I am off to get a little sleep! :-) Patti

Surgery

Dad is scheduled for back surgery this morning at 8:00 AM (Eastern Time).

It's a very intense, 10-hour surgery. They will remove a vertebrae (T-12) and replace it with a steel "cage". The test results showed the vertebrae is broken. They also saw "something" such as a lesion or tumor, but won't know for sure until they get inside.

The surgery is difficult. It is a surgery they do not like to do unless necesssary. In Dads situation, the only other option was to keep him on morphin.

Prayers welcome!

CT Scan & Biopsy

As I type this, my Dad is having a CT Scan and biopsy done of the area in question. The area is the last "T" vertabrae.

The past few days have been rough. He is confused and really does not understand what is happening.

I'll post again later, once we receive the report.

Thank You For Your Prayers!

The Bible teaches us "Where two or more are gathered together in MY name, there am I in the midst of them.. "(Matthew 18:20).

Ups & Downs

Tuesday Evening . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

My emotions have been all over the place.

I felt much better when Dad started showing signs of improvement after being OFF one of the pain medications over the past 48 hours.

I hadn't been in to see him, I HAD to take a few days to process things. After work tonight, we went to see him. He was better- but still in SO MUCH pain and very confused.

I left feeling there is a little more hope. Perhaps things will get better?

THEN..... on the way home, we received a phone call from my sister. The neuro-surgeon called with results of an MRI Dad had on Monday. They found "something" on his spine and need to do further testing immediately. Soooooo, they transferred him downtown, to the larger hospital at 10:00 at night! They want to run further tests first thing tomorrow.

Again, I am trying to sort through my thoughts. Can't help but wonder what the future holds.
I know we aren't supposed to worry - God is in complete control. But, it's so, so hard not to.

I am going to bed now. Tomorrow is another day. Another day of perhaps many more UPS and DOWNS. Thank you God, for holding us in the palms of your hands.

PS .... A note to anyone who may be reading this post. Be SURE your loved ones have a H.EALTH C.ARE P.ROXY in place and someone is aware of their wishes! If necessary, a D.N.R. should also be in place. Don't wait until something happens, you just never know. Trust me, it's important.

Up-Date On My Dad....

My Dad came home from rehab on Friday morning, much to my disagreement. I was right . . again, they were very wrong. We had so many problems with them, from sending the wrong charts to Dad's physician, to filling his medications improperly. Anyhow, we brought him home and he collapsed at the front door. I injured my back trying to hold him up. Ended up having to call the paramedics to carry him up 6 steps. They just looked at me and said "G - - - - -'s sent him home like this?" And "Now what are you going to do?". He was on the couch in horrible pain ALL day. When I went to the pharmacy to fill his meds, the orders were all wrong. They sent him home with insulin and NO DOSING instructions. I called the home and the DIRECTOR said "We are very sorry but once they are discharged I can not help you". Needless to say, we called 911 again and Dad is back in the hospital. Yesterday, I found him completely undressed in a wet bed. He knew our names, but was hallucinating really bad. He's lost control of his bladder and his eyes roll around. He keeps telling me he's going to die. My gut feeling is that he knows what's talking about. And, if this is how life is going to be, he's entitled to that. I broke down at the hospital last night. BT was having a tough time and my heart was breaking. I felt bad because my nieces got off the elevator and found me crying in the waiting area. The kids are all so sad, as it is. So, We need your prayers, please.

Stuff...

Days have been rather draining for me, both emotionally and physically. I feel like I should be stronger, but I am not. I am really worried about my parents, my Dad in particular.

Yesterday was BT's birthday! ( Happy 38th Honey, I love you soooo much XOXOXO ) I didn't have a present - and he was home sleeping. So, when I got out of work I decided to go to T a r g e t! Our T a r g e t is one with S t a r b u c k s inside. I treated myself to a Hot Chai Tea and browsed, very slowy, through the store. It felt so good to be alone and get my mind off things. I ended up buying my DH "H o w I M e t Y o u r M ot h e r" Season 2 DVD's and gift cards for i tunes. My honey was happier than a pig in mud ;-) !

But, I needed to buy SOMETHING to perk me up! I walked through the baby department (which I've been avoiding for several months) and saw a Graco Pack 'n Play I really like. AND ..it was on Sale! Normally $100, on sale through Saturday for $70. And .... YES! I bought it! And it felt good.

Here's a photo -

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Today was another draining day - I don't mean to sound like a downer - it's just really, really hard. An old friend surprised me at work and stopped by for a visit. She made my day. It felt so good to see her and talk to her. I need to e-mail her and let her know how wonderful it was to see and thank her for her genuine concern. She's a sweetie! I am so lucky to have her as my friend.

My sister took Dad to a new neurologist today. He is reviewing Dad's history (still waiting for all the records to come in) and told my sister he is not convinced Dad has P a r k i n son's Disease.

WHAT ON EARTH? Could my Dad have been misdiagnosed for over 2 years? AND what about all the medication he was taking to treat P a r k i n son's Disease? I am not sure what to think of it. Except, could it be a good thing? Could my Dad have something treatable afterall? We shall see.

In the meantime, he is being released from Rehab tomorrow to come home. We're excited to bring him home, yet afraid.

Time for a good night's rest!

We're in a good place to be!

I had a wonderful discussion with the adoption agency Director yesterday morning.

BT and I have been very anxious about the length of our wait. For those of you who do not know, we're now into our 4th year of waiting.

Some very important questions we had:

• Has the agency "wait time" changed over the 4 year period? We understood an average wait time to be 2 years.


• Are they placing babies? How often?


• Are other couples who went through home study with us still waiting, as well?


• Should we consider changing our profile to help us gain exposure?

First, we talked about the "wait" overall. We talked about the many reasons it is so hard to place a "time limit" on the wait. So, so many factors are involved. But, yes, many of the couples have been waiting a long, long time.

April proved to be a successful month for the agency as they placed 5 babies in their forever homes. This is A LOT for our small agency. Praise God!

Although they typically do not like to disclose this information, we are COUPLE # 3, which is a very good place to be! This "could" change, however unlikely, in the event another couple who has worked with the agency and been on "hold" decides to become active again. The two couples ahead of us have both waited 1 year longer than we. The two couples below us went through home study around the same time we did.

Now, just because we are COUPLE # 3, this does not mean placement will happen in that order.

Typically, when a birthparent decides she is ready to view parent profiles, the agency considers her wishes for her baby and matches her to couples who share most of the same preferences.

They will then show her the first 5 (who, of course, she shares the most preferences).

Many times the birthmother will choose from the first 5, however she is not obligated and is given the opportunity to view the next 5 if she so chooses. So you can see how easy it would be to be passed by.

She pulled out profile and shared much of the activity with me. We were shown many times we were not even aware of. We were chosen on at least 1 occasion (perhaps more), that didn't work out because the birthfather did not support placement. She felt our profile is showing well and does not need changes. However, we are always welcome to send new pictures and pages. And... if we'd like to discuss preferences, we may do so with our caseworker. In the Directors honest opinion, she did not feel we needed to.

Oh... while discussing how difficult the wait can be, I shared my feelings about family and friends putting on the pressure, doubting our choices, etc. We agreed sometimes when people think they are actually helping, they are in fact, only hurting and taking away from our journey. It's hard to understand why people who love us, can't seem to accept our choices. Instead of doubting, judging, etc. . why can't some people cheer us on, encourge us and hold us up in prayer?

Anyhow.....

We're up there at the top of the list! Activity is happening! Our birthmother just hasn't found us, yet! We feel better knowing all of this. God is good and has a plan!

Baby Names

We've been discussing names again ....

last night we came up with "Ginni Alexandra" for a girl.

My grandmother's name was Virginia (thus Ginni) and my grandfather was Alexander (thus Alexandra).

We both like it, alot.

Boys names are much harder, I think.

We've been . . . . b u s y .

My Dad has been through so much. After another jaunt in the hospital, he is now in a rehab facility. For those of you who do not know, my Dad has Parkinson's Disease and several other issues. It has been so hard, emotionally and physically. And, the thought of trying to put the whole story into words is less than appealing. I apologize, but it is too draining. Basically, your prayers are much appreciated for my Dad and all our family.

We celebrated a couple of birthdays this month.

Happy 12th Birthday to my beautiful niece, Cortlynn Jayne.

And . . . A very happy 3rd Birthday to the cutest 3 year old on earth, my nephew Jaxon.

We hadn't seen him in 5 months. He has grown up so! I was amazed with this vocabulary -

he's doing super! He is so smart - and sooooo well behaved! I am so proud of him, can you tell? ;)

Mom and Dad signed him up for Preschool, starting this Fall.

He'll be the first of 5 to not go to his Aunt's Pre-K, kinda sad for me. But, a 3 hour drive to Preschool would be a little much ;)!

One Word

One Word

I found this on Camille's blog. And she's right - it's harder than it looks.

One Word

You.

Can.

Only.

Type.

One.

Word.

Not as easy as you might think!

1. Where is your cell phone? Purse
2. Your significant other? Bed
3. Your hair? Curly
4. Your mother? Shower
5. Your father? Ill
6. Your favorite thing? God
7. Your dream last night? None
8. Your favorite drink? Coffee
9. Your dream/goal? Family
10. The room you're in? Dining
11. Your ex? Nonexistent
12. Your fear? Loss
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Wealthy ;)
14. Where were you last night? Party
15. What you're not? Happy
16. Muffins? Carrot
17. One of your wish list items? Baby
18. Where you grew up? Buffalo
19. The last thing you did? Laundry
20. What are you wearing? Night shirt
21. Your TV? On
22. Your pets? None
23. Your computer? Slow
24. Your life? Overwhelming
25. Your mood? Anxious
26. Missing someone? Anita
27. Your car? Buick
28. Something you're not wearing? Pants
29. Favorite Store? Target
30. Your summer? Camp
31. Like someone? BT
32. Your favorite color? Varies
33. When is the last time you laughed? awhile
34. Do you cry alot? lately
35. Who will/would re-post this? surprise!

1631 Days of Waiting .....

I have a little counter on this blog, indicating the number of days we've been waiting to adopt. We have recently entered our 1,631st day. That day was October 10, 2003. On that date, BT and I visited our agency for the first time. It was an orientation type meeting. I always considered it to be our first day toward adoption. But that excitement has dwindled. It's been a mix of emotions, I'd rather not even think about. It's been challenging. It's been rewarding. It's been depressing and sad. And, I know that is all going to change the very moment our baby is placed in our arms. I look forward to it, I do.

We've been through the motions. We put together a well-done nursery, we bought bottles (lot of bottles), diapers, pacifiers in every color, we've talked about names, we've chosen a pediatrician, we washed baby clothes (more than once), we've prayed, we've cried, we've dreamt .... in fact, we've covered all the bases. There isn't much left. To me, that's sad.

Even though there is saddness, deep inside, there is hope. Our hope comes from our Lord Jesus Christ. He will not let us down, we just need to be patient and allow Him to carry out His plan. And... I am sure ... that plan is going to be spectacular!

So Baby of Mine - Someday you will know how we dreamt of you, prayed for you, and loved you from the bottom of our hearts, each and every one of those 1631 days! And when we finally hold you in our arms we will feel just how great God is! XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Vent ...

B U M M E D

I've always tried to keep my blog up-beat, but tonight, I am, in fact, feeling BUMMED.

First, learning the results of my MRI was difficult. I know what I need to do - but the very fact I will have to deal with this problem the rest of my life is rather depressing. I miss doing the things I used to do and feeling good, most of the time. I know PT will help and I will manage to get my own self back, but for now, it stinks.

Second, hearing so little from our agency for 6 solid months is crazy! The past few days it has been on my mind. I want (and need) to speak with the Director. So, I've been thinking it over, making sure I have all my thoughts and questions ready. Soon... I will call her.

Third, we are not adjusting to BT's newest work schedule, which was supposed to be temporary. Knowing there are other writers who work M - F, set hours, with less seniority is maddening.

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Lately he works -

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Monday . . . . .OFF
Tuesday . . . . OFF
Wednesday . . . 7:00 AM - 3:30 PM
Thursday . . . .1:00 AM - 10:30 AM
Friday . . . . .1:00 AM - 10:30 AM
Saturday . . . .2:00 PM - 11:00 PM
Sunday . . . . .2:00 PM - 11:00 PM

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BT is the type of person who does whatever the boss says, with no complaining.

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Thus, the crappy schedules.
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I feel like crying . . . .

MRI Results

The results are in ..... I heard the official word on my MRI results. I have a condition called
C o n g e n i t a l L u m b a r S t e n o s i s , which started at birth (s p i n a b i f i d a o c c u l t a ) and has progressed slowly over the years. L u m b a r S t e n o s i s is common in the over 60 crowd, but I have a much rarer problem known as c o n g e n i t a l l u m b a r s t e n o s i s . If you're familiar with the different vertebrae in our spine, tests show a slippage (or s p o n d y l o l i s t h e s i s ) of L5 and S1. As a result, there is a narrowing of my spinal chord. The pressure causes a great deal of pain and discomfort. Unfortunately, the problem is not reversible, yet can be stabilized with physical therapy and exercise. I can also consider e p i d u r a l s t e r o i d i n j e c t i o n s (into the effected area) if needed. Surgery is not an option now, but may be something I will need to consider down the road. The doctor believes most (if not all) my pain is a direct result of this condition.

I was secretly hoping for a "quick fix" for all my pain. But, there's some relief knowing it wasn't all in my head - there's truly an answer to why I've had to suffer so much and for so long.