Baby Laundry....

I washed baby laundry this weekend! It's so much fun to wash baby stuff - everything is fluffy, soft and smells so good! Why can't it be this much fun to do our own laundry? ;o)

PS ...

I didn't hear from the adoption agency today. I feel like the bfather is going to be cooperative, but I am still eager to hear how things go.
Perhaps tomorrow we'll get some up-lifting news! Think positive, right?
BT and I are still thinking optimistically. . . and getting through each day with a little faith and a prayer.

Horrible, No Good Day!

Today was a horrible, no good day. It had nothing to do with the adoption, thank goodness.

It was work related. I spent my entire day upset - in tears. Running my own business has been such a blessing. But, when things pan out as they did today - I just want to lock the doors and walk away. I work too hard to be treated the way I was today.

It was all because one person was having a bad day. It was quite clear she was on a power trip and looking to satify her need by hurting someone else. I don't understand people like that. Just what gives them the authority to think they can rule the world?

But, the truth is - it's better to be the person who is hurt, than to be the miserable person and take it out on the people around them. At least I can go to bed tonight not feeling bad for my actions and words.

Perhaps a good night's sleep will do us all some good. If things don't work out tomorrow, I have to hire an attorney. . . all because of one very miserable, miserable person. Sad.

Pray for me! Sometimes it's so hard to "Let Go and Let God" ... expecially in such circumstances. But, I know that's what I need.

No News, Really ... Just My Thoughts For Tonight

No new news to deliver.

Today was a pretty typical day. It's started off rough 'cuz I was sleeping really good this morning when I HAD to get up to go meet with our insurance agent. If only I could of slept a little longer. But I didn't - I drug myself out of bed, to the kitchen and then to the computer.
My morning ritual rarely changes. I stop in the kitchen for my *Kashi* (or *Special-K*, or *Cheerios*) cereal with milk and banana (or blueberries) and a big ole cup of *Senseo* and I sit down to wake-up in front of the computer. First thing I read is *Today's*Word*with*Joel*Osteen*, delivered right to my e-mail. If you're looking for a good devotion - give it a try. I don't think you'll be disappointed. Most of the time, it's just what I need to start my day.

Work went well today. It's a busy, busy time, as we are inbetween programs. This is the last week of Summer Camp. We had such a great summer, it's sad to see it come to a close.
School starts next week - we have many new faces this year. We are so blessed.

My sister came by tonight to help me decide what to do with the windows in the nursery. I have such funky shaped windows, it's never easy. We're going to hang room-darking shades, underneath the *Classic Pooh* curtains I previously posted. I have to take them for alterations .. but I love them so much it will be worth it. She was pleasantly surprised to see how well the room is coming.

I struggled for a few days, wondering if I should proceed with the room or wait. I decided to keep working on it, as I was doing all along.

I feel I am in the right mind-set, knowing there is always that chance the bmom could change her mind. I would be ok. Sad, yes ... but the saddness would last too long. I need to be understanding and accepting. She needs to do what she is most comfortable - and she needs to know she is making the right decision. Without the comfort I find in our God, I could not think this way. I would selfishly lash out at Him for not placing the baby with us. But, I've learned to trust in Him, knowing HE has the perfect plan. I just can't wait to experience the joys of whatever His plan may be. Now ... I do feel deep in my heart this is the one for us - nothing could make me happier. All I can do it wait and see. Oh... and pray of course, for the bmother, bfather, agency and us! :-)

I have been thinking about her (bmom) a lot. She has requested to not meet us. And, that's ok- I respect her decision. But I know I'll always wonder what's she like. I imagine her to be a sweet person, with an unselfish heart. I think about how I will always, always be grateful to her for giving us such a precious gift. I am sure I will have a "picture" in my head of what she may look like and carry it close to my heart for many years. What a brave soul she is.

Adoption Up-Date

I did speak to our CW this morning.

Earlier she had mentioned trying to contact the bfather over the weekend. But, when I spoke to her today, she said they had not yet tried to contact him. She doesn't seem to think it's going to be too hard to locate him. The question is - how cooperative will he be?

She verified we had indeed been chosen. But, as in any adoption plan, we won't know for sure until after delivery. Apparently, she is concerned about her signing because she has a child already and it may make it harder.

I asked about the due date - she said it was later in the month. For some reason, she doesn't seem to want to tell me the actual due date.

I felt sad this morning. . just thinking about the "what if's". I wasn't feeling as elated as I felt after her message from Friday.

I would just like to know more! But, I keep reminding myself, had it not been for the bfather risk issue, we wouldn't even know we were chosen.

God has a plan - and I know I can not control it. It's just so hard to let go and wait.

BT and I talked tonight. This is the first time both of us have felt this good about a plan.

Although we know nothing is certain at this time - we feel in our hearts this is the baby for us. I've often heard the expression "Just follow your hearts" .. I hope our hearts are right.

September is going to be a long month.

Oh, I picked out some curtains for the nursery -

* * * * * *

Work is crazy! I can't wait 'til the Back-To-School rush os over. I like the consistency of the school year. Summer is great, much more laid back - but I'm ready for some order.

I did something exciting tonight! I signed up to accept credits cards at the day care center.

We're now accepting Mastercard & Visa!!!!! :-)

DAD TO BE

I'm simply giddy with excitement!

BT, on the other hand, is getting plenty of rest.

I think he's dreaming of happy days ahead.

A Visit To Kohl's ....

I was shopping at Kohl's tonight. Unaware we have been chosen, my 9 year old niece comes running over to me with this outfit. She's so happy to show me how it can be for a boy or a girl and how honored she'd feel if I bought it as our babies first outfit! Of course, we bought it. She was so sweet and sincere. How could I not?

Chosen! :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Yes, you read correctly! BT and I have been CHOSEN! :-)

For those of you who do not know the "story", I talked to our CW last week. They were showing profiles. Under normal circumstances, our agency does not tell you when your profile is being shown or when you are chosen. They prefer to wait until the baby is legally free for adoption. Because there is a birthfather risk, she called to make sure we would be ok with it. The birthfather left back in April, to date they have had no contact. Although he is aware she is pregnant, he is not aware she is making an adoption plan. We said "Yes" and waited. A few days later, she called to tell us we were "highly favored". They presented 5 profiles, she eliminated 3. She could not decide between us and another couple. So, we waited again. Today, we learned she chose us!!! Over the weekend and beginning of the week, they will be doing what they can to locate the birthfather. If and when they do - they hope he is cooperative. She was able to provide his name, a cell phone number and last known address. We do know she is due in September - but do not know the date. I have no clue if the baby is a boy or girl. I am simply elated! We're prayin' hard for the birthparents and hoping all goes smoothly.

I called home from work today and retrieved the message from the agency and deleted it . I wanted to be sure to see BT's face! Anyhow, I gave him this teddy bear. He looked at me kinda funny, as if to be saying "why are you giving me this bear"? I said "open the note inside" ... I got the longest hug EVER. He's so happy!

Today was just one step closer -

I am very tired, worn out emotionally & physically. But, I thought I should at least post a bit before going to bed.

We are still waiting to hear from the agency. She told us she'd know something by tomorrow (Friday).

I have found myself "thinking" and "planning" as if we will have a baby in September.
I realize that is going to make it really hard for me if we are not the chosen couple.

On the other hand, my heart continues to remind me the other couple is feeling the same way we are, saying the same prayers and deserves the baby just as much as we do.
I know they've also struggled with infertility - and waited a long time.
So, can I get upset if we aren't chosen?

Tomorrow will be one step closer to bringing home our baby.
We will either learn this is the baby for us- or we will go back to "waiting" and "praying" for the right baby.

As I go to bed tonight, my prayer will be simple . . . and I know God has a plan! :-)

Good News!!!

Our profile was shown to a birthmother yesterday. She was given 5 profiles. 3 of them were eliminated. She is deciding between US and another couple. AND ..due in September.

I am trying to stay calm, as I know we may not be chosen. But, it's so hard not to get excited.

Pray for us!!!!!!!!!!!

:)

Today -

I held and rocked a newborn baby girl today. I was in heaven! She must have been a preemie; at 2 months old she is all of 10 pounds, so tiny, so petite, so beautiful. As I sat in the nursery and rocked her I felt sad. I felt sad for her and I felt sad for her Mommy. Mommy seems fine. She's easy going, says the baby is low maintenance and goes to work with a smile on her face. Baby is also fine, she doesn't know any better. She cuddled and relaxed with me, perfectly content. But, she isn't cuddling with her Mommy and Mommy is missing these wonderful moments.

One of the little school-age girls has attached herself to me. She held my hand for the longest time, making sure I wasn't going to get away from her. She jumped in my lap and told me she wanted to go home with me and eat dinner and have ice cream. We talked about the field trip from the previous week and how she got to walk around with me. I reminded her of the good time we had and how much she "loved it". She giggled and said, " I didn't love it, I loved being with you". Coming from an unstable home environment, she is starved for motherly affection and is looking for that in me. My heart was broke.

I met with a grandmother today, while her priceless grandchildren played. They come to day care, 5 days a week. Not too long ago, the state took them from their mother and placed them in protective care. Several family members tried to get them, but grandmother was the only one who passed the criminal background check. In her late 50's and widowed, she's raising them, alone. She loves them, they are properly cared for, clean and their needs are met. But, even grandma complains that it's too much for her. She referred to her son AND the children's parents as "scum of the earth".

I wrote a letter today, to a young, single mom who has not been paying her bill. If she doesn't pay her bill, we cannot continue to offer services. She's a hard worker, trying to make ends meets and raise her son alone. There is no one to call "Dad". When she found out she was expecting she made an adoption plan through Catholic Charities. But, when her baby was born, she couldn't let go.

I spoke to a silly two-year old today about our friends and how we need to call them by their real name. He's into "name calling". He has a different name for each child in the class, even some for the teachers. He called me "piggy". ;) Another teacher was called "coconut head".

I came home feeling sad for the children. Then I began to wonder if I am using my God given talents to the fullest degree. Am I making a difference in the lives of these children? I need to do some "thinking".......

I have been given the opportunity to touch so many hearts. God has been so good. My center is a blessing and a gift from Him. For that, I am thankful.

Disappointment/Excitement

So, we were NOT chosen for the situation from about 4 weeks ago. I was disappointed she hadn't called to let us know. It would of been nice to not have to wonder for 4 weeks. :(

On a positive note - we're being shown on Monday to a bmother due in next month!!!!!There are some details I need to discuss with BT, but I am sure he'll be fine with it!

Perhaps this will be the one? At least our profile is active..... finally! :-)

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

The doctors office called. My abdominal AND pelvic CTScan came back negative.
Is that good news? Yes! But ---- I was hoping for an answer to 2 years of right side abdominal pain. Next step - colonoscopy. :(
Side note: The thyroid ultrasound came back showing nodules, but that's all I know .....

Today ......

Nothing fun happened today!

I went for my tests. I had to take 15 steriod pills prior to the test - a prescription benedryl, drink 2 jars of that barium stuff and get a iodine contract injection. In addition, I cannot take my regular meds (for diabetes) for 72 hours. Needless to say my system feels pretty whacked out. I am very nauseau, the steriods won't let me sleep, yet my body is crying for sleep. My heart is racing and I am flushed. They said the quicker I drink water, the sooner I will wash it all out of my system.

I hate this feeling ...... it's going to be along 3 days.

I haven't blogged in a few days . . .

I haven't blogged in a few days.

Lets see - Friday we took a busload to the Aquarium; then to the park for a picnic. It was a great time. I was impressed with so many things. They had little bitty penguins that were soooo cute. Guess I had never seen a live penguin before.
And. . the seal lions show was fantastic ..as was feeding of the seals and seeing all the tricks they know! The children behaved wonderfully and were so wiped out by the end of the day.

I feel better, but still pretty tired. I am fasting now and taking steroids for tomorrow's tests. I have to be there at 9:30 AM - they are doing a pelvic/abdominal CTScan. In addition, my doctor ordered a thyroid ultrasound. When it rains, it pours. :( I am praying they get to the bottom of things - and it's nothing serious.

BT and I did not get to go to Niagara-on-the-Lake this weekend, as planned. The wait on the bridges into Canada were ungodly! I was not going to sit still on those bridges for an hour or more, no way!

I am off to bed - I'll post tomorrow to let ya'll know how things go with my tests.

Good-Night! :-) Pep

A Good Night For A Hug

Tonight, I snuggled up to BT for a BIG HUG. I am not sure he knew how much it meant to me to be held tonight - but it really helped. Then...he had to go to work :(

Sleeping last night was horrendous! I've had this horrible cold! Between stuffiness, coughing, wheezing and crackling, I was so restless. It was 5 AM before I could sleep. I called the doctor to see about getting something for the uneasy breathing. She told me to come in. I have double ear infection - lots of fluid in there! And... a touch of bronchitis. I am starting antibiotics (z-pack) and an inhaler tonight.

She also noticed a swollen area in my neck and ordered a thyroid ultrasound! What's next? I'm still waiting to go for my abdominal CTScan (wanted to wait 'til the cold passed). I guess I could kill two birds with one stone by getting them done the same day.

I worry! I'll be in a panic until all the test are done and I know I am healthy!

Tomorrow the kids are touring the local grocery store. It's really neat! They take them into the various departments for a "behind-the-scenes" look at what really goes on. The tour ends in the bakery with free pizza! Yum! Friday we are taking them (a whole bus load) to the Aquarium. They are overwhelmed with excitgement. The adults are too, with the exception of fear of driving over the big bridges! Needless to say, we're looking into a "detour". Did I ever mention my job can be REALLY FUN???? :-)

This weekend, BT and I are hoping to go to Niagara-on-the-Lake for the Peach Festival and a visit of all the great shops, including the SILLY OLD BEAR SHOPPE! VC leaves for college Saturday - it's going to be emotional. :( He's the first one - and we are all so close. PS VC is my nephew, I recently posted photos of him being baptized in the creek. A bunch of people asked me how the Pastor thought about doing it in the creek. He said "It was the closest thing to the Jordan he's ever seen" and was thrilled to make it happen!

I SHOULD BE RESTING ......

Thinking Out Loud!

It was 3 weeks ago today I received a call from our CW indicating our profile was going to be shown (she had called for our approval due to a legal risk). The call was rather sudden and brief. Had I called her back any later, they would not have been able to share our profile (I do not know why the sudden urgency).

Several thoughts go through my mind:

1. We were not chosen and she did not call and tell us.
2. The bmom decided not to place with the agency.
3. We were chosen, but she hasn't called because we are not "supposed" to know until the baby is legally free for adoption.

Although I am "dying" to know - The agreement we have with the agency is that whenever possible, we would not be aware of a match until the baby is free for adoption. I know I need to respect that. But, it's driving me nutty!

Our profile has been shown before. We were called within a few days to tell us we were not chosen or the bmom decided not to place. This time, nothing - and the silence is nerve-wracking!

On another note, it's been a 3+ years since we shared our preferences with the agency.
Since then, we've changed - a lot. We've truly grown and opened our hearts to more.
I am thinking, perhaps, I'll call her to ask about setting up an appointment to go over our preferences.

Any suggestions?

Keeping the faith!

Vincent & Dawson's Baptism August 5, 2007; 3:30 PM

My niece and nephew were baptized today! It was very touching and beautiful as you will see in the photos.

Prayer ......

Brother & Sister

With Pastor

Pastor & Dawson

A Few Words About Salvation & Baptism....

More Baptism Photos.....

Going Out Into The Waters....

Vincent's Baptism....

Dawson's Baptism ....

Congratulations from Cousin Cortlynn! :-)

Happy 65th Birthday Mom! :-)

Saturday evening, we celebrated Moms 65th birthday. It was a small, immediate family only, celebrations. We're so thankful for her special day. Mom has battled some major health issues - so we're thanking God for each day we have together.

TGIF

Thanks for the well wishes ((hug)) ... Today wasn't too bad. Turns out I have a nasty summer cold. Augh - it's worse with the 90+ degrees we're having.

I managed to drag myself into work and complete billing! :-) It's always a good feeling to get through that. We made a decision to accept credit cards - we have to. So many people get behind - we're hoping this will help keep people on track and perhaps bring in some funds that have been owed to us for some time. I can't seem to wrap my brain around how parents can come in and out each day and "forget" they need to pay for child care! It's rather annoying!

Our Friday night outting was to the grocery store! ;) Had to buy food for Mom's birthday party tomorrow night. My Mommy is turning 65! That's a milestone, especially for someone who has battled some serious health issues the past few years.

Sunday, my nephew and niece are being baptized ... in the creek! I can't wait. I am so proud of them. Hoping to get some nice pictures, without being a disturbance to the ceremony. Another party to follow.

Bedtime! PS Still nothing from the agency. :(

Feeling Rather Yucky!

I don't feel well. I've been extremely irritable/tired for a few days. Yesterday, I felt yucky and was told I was "pale". Today was worse. I ached all over, I had a migraine and all I could do was sleep! I must have picked up a bug!

It was also very HOT here today - we've had some days over 90 degrees - which is HOT for us. I really don't do well in the heat.

Seems like everything is catching up with me. :(

So I am off to bed ....hoping for a better day tomorrow.

PS - Still nothing from the agency -

Adoption

Silence ......

I've heard "Nothing" ........

I am hoping this is a good sign. :)

Anyhow - I have a little story to share:

Four years ago, when BT and I decided to adopt, my sister told me about a couple she knew who had adopted several times and suggested I call the Mom. So, I did! We had a great conversation and she recommended the agency we are currently working with. That was the first and last time we spoke.

Lo and behold, 4 years later, we meet face-to-face at my nephew's graduation party.
We talked adoption on and off all afternoon. She and her husband have 12 children; 10 adopted and 2 "homemade"! This week they 2 more children to their family - 5 year old twin girls from Liberia.

I was so inspired by them - their stories - their children - their faith. 2 of their children were adopted as babies from our agency. Meeting them was so special to me!

Of course, she was very interested in how we were doing - and somewhat surprised we were still waiting. Come to find out - her best friend is the birthparent counselor at our agency.
She is going to call her this week and see what she can find out for us. I cannot wait to hear from her.

I feel so good about things. She was so inspiring - just the kind of person I needed to pop into my life about right now.

THEN .......

This man comes up to me and says "Are you P?" I said, "Yes, I am". He introduced himself as the Pastor of one of the area churches. He proceeded to ask me how I was doing and how the adoption was coming along (apparently he's been hearing alot about it from my sister)! I was sharing a little bit of our experience with him and his wife - when I told him it's been 4 years in the making, he encouraged me NOT to lose faith and to know there is a baby out there for us. He then proceeded to tell me they adopted 2 children and waited 14 years for the first one!
14 years!!!!! Oh my goodness.

What a great day! What great people! I am feeling very inspired!! :)

But, I am also feeling very exhausted. I have lots to think about - and pray about.

What A Party! :-)

Just wanted to share a few pics taken of the kids at VC's Graduation party!
The party was great - good food, good friends, good times. :-)
He'll be leaving for college in 2 weeks .......

I am so happy for him, yet so sad to see him go.

Going Crazy!

I've been logging on with intentions to post. I just don't know what to say?

We heard "nothing" from our agency.

Something just seemed "different" about this situation. She called and was only able to give me a few minutes to call her back, or they would have to pass on showing our profile. That leads me to believe something came up rather suddenly. Or, perhaps they hadn't considered us because of our other commitment and then they remembered we had pulled out and decided to add us to the profiles at the last moment? When I called her back, she was already in the parking lot, leaving for the appointment and came back in to take my call. She had to know right then if she could take our profile. OF COURSE! OF COURSE!! :-) :-) :-) :-)

The last thing she said to me was "I may not call you back today, she may not decide that soon" .... Now, that led me to believe she was going to let us know something.
In the past, she called to tell us when we were not the chosen couple. Could it be we were chosen and she isn't calling because they really aren't supposed to tell us? Or, perhaps the birthmother hasn't made up her mind - or has decided not to place. Holy cow! How long must we wait in "limbo".

Either way a phone call would be nice! We are going crazy!

I sat down at the desk earlier today - with intention to call HER. I chickened out.

That's where we stand - and ALL we think about. . . .

I feel like God is smiling down on us and saying "Be Patient".

Patience, Pep, Patience .....

The phone rang several times today - it was crazy!

Unfortunately, of all the calls, not one from the agency.

I thought for sure we'd hear something today.

Overcome with Joy! :-)

So I got through the day without breathing a word to ANYONE! :-)
Our CW hinted that she may call and let me know - but I don't know how she can do that. Unless, because there's this very slight risk - she has to tell us from the beginning? I am not sure? I am overcome with JOY that our profile was shown. It helps to know we're active. I promised myself I wouldn't get down if we aren't chosen. But if we are - I will be one very excited Mamma! ;)

It's almost 2 AM - Sleepy Time!

Feeling Prayerful . .

The agency called first thing this morning. Our profile is being shown today!

Things Happen For A Reason

Today was a busy day! I can't begin to describe the various activities I found myself juggling. . . At one point I had 2 phones ringing, an infant with a fever, overly stimulated preschoolers walking by my office saying "Hi Miss Patti", "I love you, Miss Patti", "Can we go to the Zoo next week?", a staff member complaining because I bought Oscar Meyer Hot Dogs, Not Sahlen's, a very upset child because she didn't have a Camp T-shirt to wear on today's field trip (Daddy forgot to order it and came begging to see if there are ANY extras, LOL), All the while, I was attempting to put together 2 ADS for the paper - and the deadline for submission is tomorrow. Why am I saying this? Because while all this was going on - in just a few short minutes, I unknowingly missed a call from our adoption agency. Apparently, she went right to VM, both my phones were already ringing. So, I found the message, 15 minutes after the agency had closed for the day. Since I just talked to them Friday, I did not expect to hear from her again, so soon. Her message was vague - but detailed enough to let me know they have a few questions regarding our profile/preferences as they are working with a new bmom. I am very eager to talk to her tomorrow! :-)

I am so thankful I called her when I did. Had I not called to inform her we were not going to adopt Stephanie's baby - she would not be considering us for this new situation. Things happen for a reason.

The Right Decision....

Tracey, you didn't miss something. I haven't really provided may details. I many have earlier on - but at one point I deleted some posts.

In the beginning, it appeared to be the "perfect" adoption situation. . . every potential adoptive parents dream. I met her, and quickly found myself very fond of her. I was planning to go to doctor appointments with her, and perhaps be in the delivery room.

As time went on, she became very needy - to the point BT, I and our agency became concerned. We also noticed she wavered in her decision. . . rather frequently. Not to mention, once the bfather heard about her visit with our agency, he called them and told them he does not want to meet us and will NOT sign.

More and more "red flags" contineud to surface.

In addition to all of this - there was a great deal of "openness". We lived in the same town, knew a lot of the same people, etc. I knew way too much than I needed to know about her family situation - one that was extremely unhealthy.

I believe in my heart, and always will, she needs to place the baby. If she does not, I can almost guarantee CPS will get involved and the baby will end up in the system.

I keep in touch - try to encourage, offer support, etc. I want to do anything I can, hoping she'll remain comfortable with placing. Our agency has other wonderful couples to choose from.

I believe we made the right decision. But, at times, it still hurts. To come so close, again - and have to walk the other way. We did not feel it was the placement for us - and didn't want our profile to be put on hold from now until October.

I think of her so often - she'll always be special to me. I just hope she knows that!

The Weekend

It's been a few days. I feel I should up-date.

I cannot believe the weekend has come and gone so quickly. I had wonderful intentions - yet, found myself very lazy. It was an overwhelming week, guess I needed a chance to veg?

Friday morning, I spoke to Stephanie and explained to her BT and I have decided not to adopt her baby, should she decide to make an adoption plan. Although she knew we may be doing so, it still came as a surprise to her. She was so quiet - and when i asked her if she was ok - she said her feelings were hurt. All in all, I thought the conversation went very well. I promised her (and the agency) we would not turn our backs on her. Naturally, it's much easier for me to be a friend to her, now that we both know.

So it's now official - everyone knows.

I made an awesome bow tie pasta dish this weekend I found in a magazine. It's a definite keeper! Perhaps I will come back and post the recipe, if anyone may want to try it.

My previous post is about my cousin, Ann who is fighting inperable pancreatic cancer. Please take a moment to read it - and if you're willing, say a little pray for them.

It's late - and I have a kitchen to clean. Nite All!

Praying For My Cousin's Wife, Ann.....

Ann

Randy, Ann, Andrew, Erin,
Meredith, Uncle Bobby & Aunt Sue


This is a recent email I received from my cousin, Randy seeking prayer for his wife, Ann who have been diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer.

It's so hard to believe, a person you know and love, who appears to be very healthy could possibly be facing a serious illness such as this. . My heart and my prayers go out to them.

For anyone reading my blog who believes in the power of prayer - please pray in faith, knowing God will answer, that my cousin may receive divine healing from our wonderful God.

Hugs - Pep

Hello All,

I want to let you know that Erin has created a website to keep everybody up to date on Ann. You can find it at annmooredotorg. Ann has just completed three rounds of chemotherapy. She has an off week this week. On July 23rd she begins a 5-week stay in Indianapolis for daily radiation treatment and continued weekly chemotherapy at the IU Med Center. The goal is to shrink the tumor to the point they can operate. Right now the tumor is inoperable because it is too close to some vital veins. Before Ann's diagnosis, we used to pray for a specific need and then add "if it be your will." Well, we have since come to realize that it is not God's will for any of us to have cancer. God will is that we be whole and live out our full years. So we are asking our family and friends to pray in faith for Ann's healing, believing that he is able and willing to do it. In the Gospel of Mark, Jesus says "whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."I know that many of you are powerful prayer warriors. Please take my wife, Ann, to the throne of grace through prayer. Then thank and praise the mighty name of Jesus,whose blood purchased our redemption and our healing. And please know that we are praying for you too!

With Love, Randy

Up-date on Doc Appt's

I am so overly tired - but I feel like I need to up-date before I forget things.

BT and I went to the doctor last night. After she talked to BT, she came and asked me a few questions about what I feel is going on with him. She said all his bloodwork looks good - thyroid and blood sugar all in normal ranges. Her biggest concern is that he is getting too old to be working overnight! Of course, he does not want to hear it. She also talked to us about diet & exercise.
So we need to modify some things and see her again in 2 months.
As far as I am concerned... I talked to her about the pain I have in my left ankle/heel. It's been bothering me for 2 solid months. Some days I can barely put weight down on it - and I am to the point I always walk with a limp. Well, she says I have Planters Fasiitis. I wasn't thrilled to hear it. Apparently, once you have it you will always have problems with it. She made some recommendations and will send me for physical therapy if needed. It sure is upsetting my evening routine - as we've grown to love our walks!

Work is busy! But, a good busy! We're keeping the Summer Campers on their toes.
Tomorrow is DQ day - nothing like a delicious ice cream cone and on HOT day. Hoping rain doesn't interfere, as we are walking. Thursday we're going to a Wizard of Oz Festival - and from what I hear there will be some of the original Munchkins there.
We've seen them before and the kids always get a kick out of it. Friday is swimming at the town pool. Next weeks agenda includes a tour of the fire hall and a trip to miniature golf. So fun!

Enough for one night! :-) Hugs to all my blogger buddies!!!

New Curtains! :-)

The highlight of my weekend was buying new curtains for my home office :-)
I cleaned the room really, really well and hung new curtains.... I think it looks great. I wanted striped/casual - it wasn't easy to find what I was looking for, but we succeeded.

My entire house needs cleaning - so I started with this room. Next on the agenda - the family room.

I really hate cleaning - but love the end result!

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Adoption Reassurance

This is so touching!

What I Am Thinking Tonight...

BT is asleep, the house is quiet -

I am so concerned about BT. He sleeps so much. Not that he likes it or wants it - he cannot stay awake. He's beat, most of the time. I don't remember the last time I saw him rested. I hate it! We need quality time together and yet it's so hard to find. We're going to the doctor Monday - I hope she takes it seriously. The last time we talked to her about it she recommended room darkening blind. Augh!

Both birthmothers I've recently dealt with are keeping in touch with me. :/ Rachel already has an adoptive family picked out through a local attorney. She seems to need someone to talk to and encourage her. We e-mail back and forth several times a day. Stephanie calls me everyday - several times. She left another message tonight hoping we can get together over the weekend. She knows we are moving on and she is now leaning toward parenting.

I learned so much through these young women! Although we are not adopting from either of them, I've been given a front seat view of adoption through the eyes of a birthmother. I have found it very interesting and touching. I have found I have a DEEP, DEEP sense of compassion for these young ladies. It's almost as if God is working in my life - but I am not sure where it's going to take me. I've asked Him - but He has not been so quick to answer! ;)

I mean, shouldn't I be more upset things didn't work out? I care about them - they are what matters - and I hope to see them both make the right decision, even though I already know we will not be a part of the equation.

And then there is Jamie. Jamie is a young lady I have known since she was an infant herself. She is YOUNG, single and on her own with an 8 mth old baby boy. She made an adoption plan and chose a wonderful couple to adopt her baby. But, when the baby was born, she could not sign the papers. She decided to parent. Now, I haven't seen her in years - and doesn't she look me up and enroll the little one in my day care?
She appears to be doing well, on her own and the baby is absolutley a blessing!
It was interesting hearing her tell her story, as she had no idea BT and I were hopeful adoptive parents. When I told her, we "clicked"! Here I am trying to set a good example and offer encourage when she needs it.

Tonight - I am thankful for these brave, young ladies. I am thankful for the connection we share. And, I am thankful to call each of them "friend".

Now, I know I've complained - because the pain of waiting is so strong.
But, I know each of these girls made the best decision for their child. I am proud of them - they are courageous young ladies. =)

4th of July

Happy Birthday America!

I know I am a little late posting - but I am still awake and winding down. It didn't seem like the 4th of July today - too much rain, fog and thunder! So, we postponed our BBQ 'til tomorrow. It will work out well since tomorrow is actually Poppy's birthday! Using the Cake Doctor book I made an awesome cake ... CAN'T WAIT 'TIL TOMORROW!

Rachel (the gal who called me Memorial Day to see about us adopting her baby) finally touched base with us today. The news was a little sad (for us) ... Apparently her Mother did not want her to go through an agency, so she contacted a lawyer who set them up with a adoptive couple. So, she is matched with them.
I wished her well and tried not to let is upset me. Afterall, God has a plan - and I need to remember that and keep the faith! Although it's getting really tough.

Stepanie also called today (several times). She wanted to know if we (Me, her and BT) could go see Fireworks together. She is sweet, the whole thing breaks me heart.

Waaaaaaaaah!

I can't shake this. I am so, so down in the dumps. I cry at the drop of a hat.

I want our baby now, DARN IT!

I've had enough waiting, enough being patient.

It isn't fair, makes no sense and is about to drive me batty.

And those of you who have known me, know this is so unlike me. But for goodness sakes......

A Very Hard Decision

Today was just a horrible, horrible day. BT and I made the decision not to pursue this recent adoption opportunity. I know we made the right choice, but it hurts, bad. I was not prepared for all the emotions. Although it hurts .... I learned alot, and for that I am grateful, seriously.

Although I only knew her for about a week - I felt I was able to see the adoption process through the eyes of a birthmother. Although it didn't work out - I will always think of her and her bravery. I have a place for her in the corner of my heart and I will pray for her and the baby. Our agency assured me they have families they will present to her - I can only hope she will stay on board with them and let them help her through this time.

So, we're "waiting" again. And it's seems like it may never happen. I have often reminded myself, GOD IS IN CONTROL. It just seems He is so, so far away. :(

I know, I know ... KEEP THE FAITH and KEEP LOOKING UP!

Good News Regarding My Health! :-)

I've had some concerns regarding my blood sugar.
So, I started seeing a new endocrinologist.
This week, I had a follow up with him.

I lost 9 pounds AND brought my blood pressure back down to "normal".

I credit it to all the walking BT and I have been doing.

Finally, I am on the right road! :-)

Graduation Then and Now ....

Kindergarten Graduation 1995......

High School Graduation 2007 .......

VC's High School Graduation

My boy (nephew) graduated from high school last night! We didn't think we were going to be able to attend, as seats were limited. At the last minute, he managed a few extra tickets from friends who had extras. Just had to share in the celebration! Way to go VC! We love you so much!

Jogging Stroller!

For exercise, BT and I walk - we strive for everyday!! When visiting my brother, I discovered how nice it is to walk with a jogging stroller, instead of a regular stroller. So, I've researched and found the BABY TREND rated very well, without getting into the high-end expensive ones. I've been keeping my eyes open for a "new to gently used". To my surprise a very nice woman contacted me to see if I was still looking! YES YES YES I was. She bought one in April - and soon after her in-laws bought them one. She didn't want to hurt their feelings, so she accepted it and sold the almost new one to me! She told me she purchased it at BABIES R US for $149.99. I went and checked it out! We offered her $75 and she accepted! I am so happy!!!


Now I just need my baby :D

It's A Boy!

The "Needle and Thread" gender selector doesn't always work! I did it on my friend just this week. It was pretty clear she was having a GIRL. At 7:48 pm tonight, she delivered a 7 lb., 14 oz. healthy baby BOY!

CONGRATULATIONS! We're so proud for you!!!!!!

"Wait" by Russell Kelfer

Big hugs and thanks to Kathy and Trace who posted this poem on their blogs!

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait!"
"'Wait?', you say, wait!" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By FAITH I have asked, and am claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"And Lord, you promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting. . .for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want--but, you wouldn't know ME.

"You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

"You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save. . .(for a start),
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night.
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss! if I lost what I'm doing in you!

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
THAT THE GREATEST OF GIFTS IS TO GET TO KNOW ME.
And though oft may my answers seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to WAIT."

~Author Russell Kelfer ~

No Reply...

After I got off the phone with R on Monday - I sent her an e-mail letting her know it was nice talking to her and I looked forward to talking to her again and hopefully meeting soon. She has not replied. Wednesday, she had a doctor appt and would find out whether she is having a boy or a girl. As promised, I called to see how she made out. She did not return my call. I tried again on Friday morning. She answered the phone but asked if she could call me back. I said "Of course, whenever it is good for you". She did not call me back. I believe it's yet another dead end.

1 Boy, 2 Girls?

Have you wondered how many pregnancies and whether it will be a girl or a boy?

Let the needle tell you.

Here is a method that may surprise you.

What to do:

Thread a sewing needle and knot it (so the needle hangs about 6-10 inches from the knot).

Hold your left hand out, palm down.

Hold the knot in your right hand with the forefinger and thumb only.

Holding your left hand still, swing the needle so the needle hits the inside curve of your thumb (where the thumb meets the hand) three times.

Then turn your left hand over and move the right hand over the left, holding the needle just an inch or so above the palm of the left hand.

Hold both hands still and let the needle do the work.

The needle will begin to move:
Circles = girls
Lines = boys

It will stop moving completely in between each pregnancy.

Turn off any fans and make sure circulating air is not affecting the reading. ENJOY!

IF there's any truth behind this - and IF it works for adoptions. . we'll have 1 boy, followed by 3 girls! Anyone else care to give it a whirl?

Well, My Phone Rang Today -

Happy Memorial Day!

I did nothing today...nothing. Just relaxed and it felt great.

I received a very interesting phone call. A friend called to tell me she was talking to her Mom at a family picnic. She was telling her Mom about BT and I - because someone they both know is pregnant and "may" need to make an adoption plan. Her Mom proceeded to tell her that she met a young lady (in her 20's) in one of her EMT classes - she is 6 mths pregnant and wants to make an adoption plan. She lives at home, with her parents and her 2 year old daughter. They called her to tell her about us - and she wanted to speak to me! So, I called her.
We had a very nice chat. She's really sweet, outgoing, friendly and very upbeat. She is going for an ultrasound on Wednesday, so I will call her then to see how things are going. In the meantime she wants to meet us - perhaps this weekend.

Something new to pray about!

Life is good!

Life is good - things are looking good!

Camp Registrations and Fall Before/After Care Registrations are rolling in! Graduation is falling together nicely. And the best news . . . my assistant has offered to come back to work starting next week. She will stay through 'til school starts back up. So, I'll have her for 3 1/2 months. See how GOD works?! :)

We had some papers we needed to complete and send in to the adoption agency - they are up-dating our homestudy. Everything is in, except my medical. I have to wait a few weeks to get in.

I wanted to share today's scripture from Joel Osteen's devotional:

“Because of your faith it will happen.” (Matthew 9:29)

So simple, yet so meaningful. And, it will happen! Our baby will come ....

A Gentle & Peaceful Spirit Is Precious In The Sight of God

I've been thinking alot about my "focus" in life. This was brought on by days & nights of feeling anxious, upset, impatient and disturbed. Being anxious weighs down your heart and creates a certain sadness. Then I began to think about my relationship with Christ. I had to admit I was feeling very far away from God. I knew He had great plans for me. But, sometimes it seemed easier to "ignore" what God is saying than to open my heart and my life to the plan He has made for me. These plans were made even before I drew my first breath!

That, to me, is amazing!

Instead of finding peace, knowing God would provide, I was belly-aching over not having a child to call my own. Seriously, all I want is to be a Mommy! That's not asking alot, is it? But, instead of making my requests known, I was also trying to control how it would happen, when it would happen, etc....

My marriage has suffered tremendously. This isn't the way our life together was suppose to play out. We had a plan! A beautiful wedding, a new home, a baby or two, etc. etc. . Isn't that the all American way? Instead we faced infertility, a long wait for an adoption, very ill parents and several losses along the way (we lost many loved ones, but I'll save that for a different post).

Stress took over and suddenly our "home" wasn't such a happy home afterall. We're working on it, as a team. But it took a lot to open our eyes and focus! I love BT with all my being. With God's grace we can rebuild what was lost.

Thinking! Thinking! Thinking! It has consumed my life. But it helped me to realize what I really needed to do. And that is FOCUS ON MY RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST. To do this, I had to open my heart and be willing to hear whatever God is telling me. Slowly, I feel my relationship with Christ will grow and He won't seem so far away. I am looking to God for answers to where He wants me to be. I am trusting God to help me find peace. I am trusting God to help me mend my broken marriage. I am trusting God to work on BT's heart, just like He is working on mine.

God is offering me a gentle and peaceful spirit, it is mine, all I have to do is ask! Isn't that amazing? What a gracious and loving God we share!

During this time of "waiting" - I will focus on Him. As I grow closer, I feel confident God will bless our home and our marriage. And, someday a sweet, precious baby will be placed in our arms. From there - I do not know where our life will go. God is at work! :-)

And someday, when I meet Jesus face-to-face, this life of mine, complete with all the trials and tribulations, will make perfect sense!

KEEP LOOKING UP!

Thank You Trace!! You're in my prayers, girl!

Thank you, Trace, for your post! I appreciate the insights, suggestions, support and love! :-)
I know you and Sweetness have faced a lot, as well. I know your hearts ache for a baby - just like ours. And, someday, my friend, we'll have our babies in our arms.

My friend offered me a most precious gift - the gift to carry a baby for BT and I. She has always been the one who understood what we've faced and offered support all along the way. She's that kind of person... and she's a Mom to 3 beautiful little ones! It showed me how very precious this friend is and always will be. I love her to pieces!

My heart was touched - my emotions were overflowing. Her sweet words echoed in my mind all day. I will never forget her kindness and her spirit!

BT and I talked about it but concluded it isn't what we're prepared to do at this time.
We would once again face all the trials of infertility treatments, as the baby would be biologically ours. We put that behind us 3 + years ago and decided adoption was Gods plan. And, that is where we focus. Yes, it's been a long, long wait - but God is good and His timing is always perfect.

Generosity & Excitement

My dear, sweet friend called again today. She wanted to tell me she had a dream she was pregnant with a baby for BT and Me! There was such excitement in her voice as she told me it was the most realistic dream she's ever had. She so wants to have a baby for us - I am touched by her love and generosity.

A True Friend Indeed

I felt this story deserves it's own post.

I received a phone call today - from a dear, sweet friend. She was my assistant at the day care center for several years and is now a SAHM.

We chatted for a while. Then she brought up Mother's Day. She thought of me and knew it had to be hard.

She then said something I never expected her to say. She wanted me to know she is more than willing to have a baby for BT and I. She wanted us to know, if we needed her to surrogate, there would be no question in her mind - she'd do it in a heartbeat! What sweeter gift could a friend offer?

We've had other offers - another friend, my sister and a dear friend in Florida. All of them, equally touched us.

I told BT at dinner - he was speechless.

Although our focus is on the adoption - it's something to think and pray over.

COULD I ASK FOR BETTER FRIENDS? I say NOT!

BT's Birthday & Mother's Day

4 weeks ago, our SW informed us the possible situation was no longer a possibility - the bmother had decided to parent. Since then, no word from the agency. I worked from home today - and twice the phone rang and came up PRIVATE CALLER. My heart sank. But no, neither one was the agency. :(

I haven't posted since BT's birthday! He had 2 great celebrations. First, we went to see his family and visited a PF Changs for the first time, very cool! The next day we went to Famous Dave's with my family, again...very cool! But, there was some sadness on his part. Birthdays are becoming reminders we are only getting older and do not have a baby in our arms.

On Saturday, my sister helped the girls (ages 9 & 11) make dinner for their Mother, Grandmothers and Me. I really didn't want to go but the girls wanted me there because I was "like" a mother to them. How sweet it that? So, I put on a happy face and went. They made chicken legs & pork chops, potatoes, peas, salad and turnovers. They wrote 3 poems, one for Grandma, one for Nana and one for ME. I will come back and post the poem they wrote me.

Mother's Day was hard. I kept busy. I was hoping for a quiet day at home. But, my sisters family came over to do some landscaping for my parents. I was nominated to make dinner.
Kept it easy - pulled pork, homemade baked beans, homemade macaroni salad, kentucky wonder beans, etc... very delicious.

I couldn't help but think about all the women out there who were very sad on Mother's Day.
The ones who recently lost a mom, the ones who lost a child, the ones who would never become a mom, the ones waiting to be a mom, the list could go on and on. It's very sad, indeed.
And... seems so unfair.

Today

Today BT is not a happy camper. His boss informed him they are making changes.

BT is a NEWS writer. As of Monday, he's been assigned to a different show. He will now go to work at 1:00 AM and get off @ 9:00 AM. Those hours simply stink; just don't work with our lifestyle.

This is Sweeps! The ratings are down on the show. Of course they are, they compete with GOOD MORNING AMERICA and THE TODAY SHOW. The boss wants to try to bring the ratings up.

So, BT was Mister Cranky Pants ALL DAY today. I don't blame him.

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I haven't blogged in a week. We've been so busy - mostly at work. Graduation is approaching, Summer Camp Registration is in progress and I am down a Teacher. By the way, her surgery was a success and she is already home recovering. Still praying her sight is restored.

Good News! I have a "plan" for an Office Assistant. I finally feel really good about one of the current workers. I don't want to jump on it too quickly. But, by the end of the school year I'd like to talk to her about working in my office (fingers crossed).

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We had eye exams today. Since my prescription changed, I'll be shopping for new glasses. :-)
BT's didn't change; he's happy with the ones he has.

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We walked tonight, in the rain! I am finally getting back into a routine. I have to. I also have to start testing my blood sugar several times throughout the day and keeping a record of it for my new Endo. I hate it! I hate needles!

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Wish I had adoption news to share. It's been Q U I E T, very Q U I E T!
We're doing OK - I think?