Happy Father's Day

"Stand and see this great thing which the Lord will do before your eyes. 1 Samuel 12:16"

Sad :(

My heart was sad today.

I spoke to our social worker.

The young lady she called us about still had not made a decision. They showed her every profile they have - and nothing.

My heart breaks for her. To be 14, pregnant and feel so alone. She doesn't want to place her baby. But, the family member who takes care of her does not support her decision to keep the baby.

I'll say a special prayer for her tonight.

And I feel sad because Father's Day is Sunday - and BT will be reminded of yet another year he is not a Dad.

I'll say a little prayer for us today, too - that parenthood will come along real soon.

Our profile was shown to a birthmother this week. However, we were not chosen.

The agency is still working with the other birthmother and will proceed with it.
This is the one we were "highly favored" for, but the birthmother was unable to commit. She is very, very young, and she wants to keep her baby. However, she has no family support. It's sad ... very sad.

In other news, she told me our profile has been very well received with great feedback.


Dad is showing little bits of improvement with each day. He's certainly not out of the woods and has a long road ahead of him.

Do you ever wish you could look into the future? It's during times like these I wish I knew what lies ahead. But, then I am reminded God has the perfect plan and we need to trust Him and know He will take care of us.

Quick Up-Date Dad & Adoption

Dad appeared to be a bit better today. When he seizured they told us it could be 48+ hours before he begins to come around. I guess he is right on target!

He was a tad grumpy and aggitated. But, we rejoiced in hearing his voice (although only a few words). It brought hope!

All the tests have come back negative with the exception an x-ray showed a small amount of fluid on his lung. It was caused from the rib being removed during surgery. Apparently this is not uncommon.

The doctor has finally agreed to our request to wean him off the Parkinson's Medication!
This has been a huge concern (after much research, of course), yet our requests have fallen on deaf ears.

He is, by no means, out of the woods. But, seeing him try to move, talk and open his eyes was a wonderful thing.


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Our agency called this morning.

Our profile was HIGHLY FAVORED by the birthmom and her family. After 5 hours of talking and going over profiles she was unable to make a decision. She is very, very young and struggling as she wants to keep her baby. She has no family support, her options are limited. My heart goes out to her, it really does. I am praying for her and the baby. We may and may not hear more from this situation.

Our profile is also being shown to another birthmom this week. I do not have details, except that our agency is going to present us - and I know she is due in August.

On that note, I am off to bed! Good-night all!

Up-Date On Dad

We had a very rough day yesterday. Dad seizured and they couldn't get him out of it. They took him to the ER by ambulance. We stayed right there with him, but it was hard to tell if he knew we were there. He was so out of it. It was the longest 12 hours of my life. We finally came home late last night.... which was so hard to do (especially for my Mom, but with her health issues, we knew she needed to get rest).

They came to take him up to his room, so we decided to grab some coffee in the cafeteria. We were all in the cafeteria talking to our Pastor when we heard "Rapid Response Team, 5th Floor" over the PA. I had a gut feeling and went up to his room. The call was for my Dad, he had briefly stopped breathing and they could not get him to respond. So, he's on a CPAP machine now - and has settled down substantially.

We had to discuss Dads wishes, in the event he would stop breathing again or his heart would stop. My poor Mother, I feel so bad for her having to make such decisions. She cried so hard, just fell apart. Her heart is broken.

They did a CTScan of his brain, which came back negative. So, today, the neurologist ordered a few tests, including a brain MRI. We are supposed to hear something from the doctor this afternoon.

Again, they brough up the "questionable Parkinson's Disease diagnosis", thinking perhaps there is something going on they have been unable to detect. Noone should have to suffer so. And, not knowing why makes it even harder. The hardest part of all is when he is yelling out for help - and we can't help him.

No News .....

No news today! It's going to make for a very long weekend.

BT and I went to Chili's Thurs. night. We were sitting in the lounge area chatting. We talked mostly about this possible situation. We're both excited, yet afraid. If we are chosen, we could become parents very soon (she's due in June and they are expecting her to go early). Once the baby is born, they will set a court date for ASAP. Once they go to court, we become the prospective adoptive parents. Since the baby will require surgery, we would need to "camp out" in or near the hospital (which is 3 hours from home) anywhere from 2 - 12 weeks. It's a lot to think about - with such notice. But, we feel confident, we could do it.

One thought that kept running through my mind, was there are up to 4 other couples in New York State having the same conversation, feeling the same anticipation, wondering if this will be the one! 5 couples in all, and just 1 baby. That's tough to swallow.

And so, I prayed. I prayed for the baby, the bparents, the agency and all the couples. I have peace knowing God already has a plan for this child. I will be ok if this is not the one for us.
For we know God has Great Plans - and it's getting closer every day.

Wanted to share . . .

Our profile is being shown tomorrow (Friday). The baby has a (correctable) birth defect which was detected on an ultrasound. Shortly after birth the baby will have surgery and remain in the hospital for the first 1 - 3 months. We did a lot of research and feel it is something we are comfortable with. This little one needs our prayers, as does the birth parents and chosen couple.
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The agency plans to show profiles tomorrow (and we're one of them)!
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Prayers welcome!
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"Stand and see this great thing which the Lord will do before your eyes. 1 Samuel 12:16"

22nd Annual Preschool Graduation 2008

We are so proud of each of our graduates!
Congratulations Class of 2008

The best rewards in life come from the little ones!

I am so blessed!

I Love Spring! :-)

What a gorgeous day we're having in our neck of the woods! The sun is shining, birds are chirping away and everything is so, so pretty! I love SPRING! And, I love SUNSHINE!

I haven't posted in a week. It was Graduation week for our little cherubs who are off to Kindergarten in September. The program was wonderful. I was concerned there were a lot of little bloopers, but the children were so happy, giddy, etc....and that it truly what mattered the most. Their excitement made my week. It certainly is the little ones who teach us the best lessons in life. I'll come back later and post a few photos.

BT and I took a drive yesterday! It felt great. We drove 1 hour, stopped for a sandwich, did a little shopping, had ice cream, popped in on his Mom and came back home. Crazy, I know..especially with the price of gasoline. But, it was spontaneous and fun - and a much needed break.

Today, I am working. Taking advantage of a quiet day to catch up on things.
BT is off tomorrow - and so am I - we're thrilled!!!! Not that we have big plans. We'll probably just stay home, grill something good and go see my Dad. But, both of us being home on the same days rarely happens, so it will be NICE.

Speaking of my Dad.... I wish I had better news to report. We had high hopes he'd be much better by now. It's like a different person in my Dad's body. The doctors have taken him off almost all pain medication and he's still so confused. He's also very weak and still not getting out of bed. I know I am doing the right thing by spending time with him whenever I can. But, if you've ever been in a situation like this, you know how emotionally draining it can be. I spoke with the neurosurgeon yesterday. He reminded me that Dad has been on some heavy duty narcotics for a long time - and he is taking P.rkinson's medication. He also stressed that he needs to be taken out of the hospital environment where they can get him up, moving and stimulated. Once he is moved to rehab, he can see his neurologist and determine what to do about the P.rkinson's medication, as they are still not convinced he actually has PD. I continue to pray - and am reminded God is in control. Although we'd like to take control, it is ultimately HIS. He is a merciful God and a loving God. We will be ok.

Back to work! I'll come back later to post those photos.

Just Another Miracle Today! :-)

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DAD did very well. The surgery was intense - approximately 12 hours. He removed 2 vertebrae (T-12 and L1) replacing it with titanium cages, 4 screws and bone taken from a rib. Although recovery will be difficult, Dr. R told us the pain before surgery was worse than what he will experience throughout his recovery. 5-7 days in the hospital, followed by a couple weeks in rehab and then home, if all goes well. What they saw on the MRI was scar tissue and inflammation from a previous blood infection, which may be the cause of the breakdown. Both the discs had liquified. They are sending everything off for testing, but he felt confident it was not cancer.

After so many many months of pain and suffering God answered our prayers. This neurosurgeon saved my Dad's life. We will forever be grateful to this gifted man.
Thank you God, for this miracle. And, thank you, friends, for your prayers.

My Mamma did very well, too. We were very proud of her. She went to see him before surgery (6:00 AM) and was able to stick it out the whole time. We heard NOTHING from the hospital staff from 7:15 AM - 10:15 PM. It had to be the most difficult 14 hours ever.

I am off to get a little sleep! :-) Patti

Surgery

Dad is scheduled for back surgery this morning at 8:00 AM (Eastern Time).

It's a very intense, 10-hour surgery. They will remove a vertebrae (T-12) and replace it with a steel "cage". The test results showed the vertebrae is broken. They also saw "something" such as a lesion or tumor, but won't know for sure until they get inside.

The surgery is difficult. It is a surgery they do not like to do unless necesssary. In Dads situation, the only other option was to keep him on morphin.

Prayers welcome!

CT Scan & Biopsy

As I type this, my Dad is having a CT Scan and biopsy done of the area in question. The area is the last "T" vertabrae.

The past few days have been rough. He is confused and really does not understand what is happening.

I'll post again later, once we receive the report.

Thank You For Your Prayers!

The Bible teaches us "Where two or more are gathered together in MY name, there am I in the midst of them.. "(Matthew 18:20).

Ups & Downs

Tuesday Evening . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

My emotions have been all over the place.

I felt much better when Dad started showing signs of improvement after being OFF one of the pain medications over the past 48 hours.

I hadn't been in to see him, I HAD to take a few days to process things. After work tonight, we went to see him. He was better- but still in SO MUCH pain and very confused.

I left feeling there is a little more hope. Perhaps things will get better?

THEN..... on the way home, we received a phone call from my sister. The neuro-surgeon called with results of an MRI Dad had on Monday. They found "something" on his spine and need to do further testing immediately. Soooooo, they transferred him downtown, to the larger hospital at 10:00 at night! They want to run further tests first thing tomorrow.

Again, I am trying to sort through my thoughts. Can't help but wonder what the future holds.
I know we aren't supposed to worry - God is in complete control. But, it's so, so hard not to.

I am going to bed now. Tomorrow is another day. Another day of perhaps many more UPS and DOWNS. Thank you God, for holding us in the palms of your hands.

PS .... A note to anyone who may be reading this post. Be SURE your loved ones have a H.EALTH C.ARE P.ROXY in place and someone is aware of their wishes! If necessary, a D.N.R. should also be in place. Don't wait until something happens, you just never know. Trust me, it's important.

Up-Date On My Dad....

My Dad came home from rehab on Friday morning, much to my disagreement. I was right . . again, they were very wrong. We had so many problems with them, from sending the wrong charts to Dad's physician, to filling his medications improperly. Anyhow, we brought him home and he collapsed at the front door. I injured my back trying to hold him up. Ended up having to call the paramedics to carry him up 6 steps. They just looked at me and said "G - - - - -'s sent him home like this?" And "Now what are you going to do?". He was on the couch in horrible pain ALL day. When I went to the pharmacy to fill his meds, the orders were all wrong. They sent him home with insulin and NO DOSING instructions. I called the home and the DIRECTOR said "We are very sorry but once they are discharged I can not help you". Needless to say, we called 911 again and Dad is back in the hospital. Yesterday, I found him completely undressed in a wet bed. He knew our names, but was hallucinating really bad. He's lost control of his bladder and his eyes roll around. He keeps telling me he's going to die. My gut feeling is that he knows what's talking about. And, if this is how life is going to be, he's entitled to that. I broke down at the hospital last night. BT was having a tough time and my heart was breaking. I felt bad because my nieces got off the elevator and found me crying in the waiting area. The kids are all so sad, as it is. So, We need your prayers, please.

Stuff...

Days have been rather draining for me, both emotionally and physically. I feel like I should be stronger, but I am not. I am really worried about my parents, my Dad in particular.

Yesterday was BT's birthday! ( Happy 38th Honey, I love you soooo much XOXOXO ) I didn't have a present - and he was home sleeping. So, when I got out of work I decided to go to T a r g e t! Our T a r g e t is one with S t a r b u c k s inside. I treated myself to a Hot Chai Tea and browsed, very slowy, through the store. It felt so good to be alone and get my mind off things. I ended up buying my DH "H o w I M e t Y o u r M ot h e r" Season 2 DVD's and gift cards for i tunes. My honey was happier than a pig in mud ;-) !

But, I needed to buy SOMETHING to perk me up! I walked through the baby department (which I've been avoiding for several months) and saw a Graco Pack 'n Play I really like. AND ..it was on Sale! Normally $100, on sale through Saturday for $70. And .... YES! I bought it! And it felt good.

Here's a photo -

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Today was another draining day - I don't mean to sound like a downer - it's just really, really hard. An old friend surprised me at work and stopped by for a visit. She made my day. It felt so good to see her and talk to her. I need to e-mail her and let her know how wonderful it was to see and thank her for her genuine concern. She's a sweetie! I am so lucky to have her as my friend.

My sister took Dad to a new neurologist today. He is reviewing Dad's history (still waiting for all the records to come in) and told my sister he is not convinced Dad has P a r k i n son's Disease.

WHAT ON EARTH? Could my Dad have been misdiagnosed for over 2 years? AND what about all the medication he was taking to treat P a r k i n son's Disease? I am not sure what to think of it. Except, could it be a good thing? Could my Dad have something treatable afterall? We shall see.

In the meantime, he is being released from Rehab tomorrow to come home. We're excited to bring him home, yet afraid.

Time for a good night's rest!

We're in a good place to be!

I had a wonderful discussion with the adoption agency Director yesterday morning.

BT and I have been very anxious about the length of our wait. For those of you who do not know, we're now into our 4th year of waiting.

Some very important questions we had:

• Has the agency "wait time" changed over the 4 year period? We understood an average wait time to be 2 years.


• Are they placing babies? How often?


• Are other couples who went through home study with us still waiting, as well?


• Should we consider changing our profile to help us gain exposure?

First, we talked about the "wait" overall. We talked about the many reasons it is so hard to place a "time limit" on the wait. So, so many factors are involved. But, yes, many of the couples have been waiting a long, long time.

April proved to be a successful month for the agency as they placed 5 babies in their forever homes. This is A LOT for our small agency. Praise God!

Although they typically do not like to disclose this information, we are COUPLE # 3, which is a very good place to be! This "could" change, however unlikely, in the event another couple who has worked with the agency and been on "hold" decides to become active again. The two couples ahead of us have both waited 1 year longer than we. The two couples below us went through home study around the same time we did.

Now, just because we are COUPLE # 3, this does not mean placement will happen in that order.

Typically, when a birthparent decides she is ready to view parent profiles, the agency considers her wishes for her baby and matches her to couples who share most of the same preferences.

They will then show her the first 5 (who, of course, she shares the most preferences).

Many times the birthmother will choose from the first 5, however she is not obligated and is given the opportunity to view the next 5 if she so chooses. So you can see how easy it would be to be passed by.

She pulled out profile and shared much of the activity with me. We were shown many times we were not even aware of. We were chosen on at least 1 occasion (perhaps more), that didn't work out because the birthfather did not support placement. She felt our profile is showing well and does not need changes. However, we are always welcome to send new pictures and pages. And... if we'd like to discuss preferences, we may do so with our caseworker. In the Directors honest opinion, she did not feel we needed to.

Oh... while discussing how difficult the wait can be, I shared my feelings about family and friends putting on the pressure, doubting our choices, etc. We agreed sometimes when people think they are actually helping, they are in fact, only hurting and taking away from our journey. It's hard to understand why people who love us, can't seem to accept our choices. Instead of doubting, judging, etc. . why can't some people cheer us on, encourge us and hold us up in prayer?

Anyhow.....

We're up there at the top of the list! Activity is happening! Our birthmother just hasn't found us, yet! We feel better knowing all of this. God is good and has a plan!

Baby Names

We've been discussing names again ....

last night we came up with "Ginni Alexandra" for a girl.

My grandmother's name was Virginia (thus Ginni) and my grandfather was Alexander (thus Alexandra).

We both like it, alot.

Boys names are much harder, I think.

We've been . . . . b u s y .

My Dad has been through so much. After another jaunt in the hospital, he is now in a rehab facility. For those of you who do not know, my Dad has Parkinson's Disease and several other issues. It has been so hard, emotionally and physically. And, the thought of trying to put the whole story into words is less than appealing. I apologize, but it is too draining. Basically, your prayers are much appreciated for my Dad and all our family.

We celebrated a couple of birthdays this month.

Happy 12th Birthday to my beautiful niece, Cortlynn Jayne.

And . . . A very happy 3rd Birthday to the cutest 3 year old on earth, my nephew Jaxon.

We hadn't seen him in 5 months. He has grown up so! I was amazed with this vocabulary -

he's doing super! He is so smart - and sooooo well behaved! I am so proud of him, can you tell? ;)

Mom and Dad signed him up for Preschool, starting this Fall.

He'll be the first of 5 to not go to his Aunt's Pre-K, kinda sad for me. But, a 3 hour drive to Preschool would be a little much ;)!

One Word

One Word

I found this on Camille's blog. And she's right - it's harder than it looks.

One Word

You.

Can.

Only.

Type.

One.

Word.

Not as easy as you might think!

1. Where is your cell phone? Purse
2. Your significant other? Bed
3. Your hair? Curly
4. Your mother? Shower
5. Your father? Ill
6. Your favorite thing? God
7. Your dream last night? None
8. Your favorite drink? Coffee
9. Your dream/goal? Family
10. The room you're in? Dining
11. Your ex? Nonexistent
12. Your fear? Loss
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Wealthy ;)
14. Where were you last night? Party
15. What you're not? Happy
16. Muffins? Carrot
17. One of your wish list items? Baby
18. Where you grew up? Buffalo
19. The last thing you did? Laundry
20. What are you wearing? Night shirt
21. Your TV? On
22. Your pets? None
23. Your computer? Slow
24. Your life? Overwhelming
25. Your mood? Anxious
26. Missing someone? Anita
27. Your car? Buick
28. Something you're not wearing? Pants
29. Favorite Store? Target
30. Your summer? Camp
31. Like someone? BT
32. Your favorite color? Varies
33. When is the last time you laughed? awhile
34. Do you cry alot? lately
35. Who will/would re-post this? surprise!

1631 Days of Waiting .....

I have a little counter on this blog, indicating the number of days we've been waiting to adopt. We have recently entered our 1,631st day. That day was October 10, 2003. On that date, BT and I visited our agency for the first time. It was an orientation type meeting. I always considered it to be our first day toward adoption. But that excitement has dwindled. It's been a mix of emotions, I'd rather not even think about. It's been challenging. It's been rewarding. It's been depressing and sad. And, I know that is all going to change the very moment our baby is placed in our arms. I look forward to it, I do.

We've been through the motions. We put together a well-done nursery, we bought bottles (lot of bottles), diapers, pacifiers in every color, we've talked about names, we've chosen a pediatrician, we washed baby clothes (more than once), we've prayed, we've cried, we've dreamt .... in fact, we've covered all the bases. There isn't much left. To me, that's sad.

Even though there is saddness, deep inside, there is hope. Our hope comes from our Lord Jesus Christ. He will not let us down, we just need to be patient and allow Him to carry out His plan. And... I am sure ... that plan is going to be spectacular!

So Baby of Mine - Someday you will know how we dreamt of you, prayed for you, and loved you from the bottom of our hearts, each and every one of those 1631 days! And when we finally hold you in our arms we will feel just how great God is! XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Vent ...

B U M M E D

I've always tried to keep my blog up-beat, but tonight, I am, in fact, feeling BUMMED.

First, learning the results of my MRI was difficult. I know what I need to do - but the very fact I will have to deal with this problem the rest of my life is rather depressing. I miss doing the things I used to do and feeling good, most of the time. I know PT will help and I will manage to get my own self back, but for now, it stinks.

Second, hearing so little from our agency for 6 solid months is crazy! The past few days it has been on my mind. I want (and need) to speak with the Director. So, I've been thinking it over, making sure I have all my thoughts and questions ready. Soon... I will call her.

Third, we are not adjusting to BT's newest work schedule, which was supposed to be temporary. Knowing there are other writers who work M - F, set hours, with less seniority is maddening.

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Lately he works -

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Monday . . . . .OFF
Tuesday . . . . OFF
Wednesday . . . 7:00 AM - 3:30 PM
Thursday . . . .1:00 AM - 10:30 AM
Friday . . . . .1:00 AM - 10:30 AM
Saturday . . . .2:00 PM - 11:00 PM
Sunday . . . . .2:00 PM - 11:00 PM

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BT is the type of person who does whatever the boss says, with no complaining.

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Thus, the crappy schedules.
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I feel like crying . . . .

MRI Results

The results are in ..... I heard the official word on my MRI results. I have a condition called
C o n g e n i t a l L u m b a r S t e n o s i s , which started at birth (s p i n a b i f i d a o c c u l t a ) and has progressed slowly over the years. L u m b a r S t e n o s i s is common in the over 60 crowd, but I have a much rarer problem known as c o n g e n i t a l l u m b a r s t e n o s i s . If you're familiar with the different vertebrae in our spine, tests show a slippage (or s p o n d y l o l i s t h e s i s ) of L5 and S1. As a result, there is a narrowing of my spinal chord. The pressure causes a great deal of pain and discomfort. Unfortunately, the problem is not reversible, yet can be stabilized with physical therapy and exercise. I can also consider e p i d u r a l s t e r o i d i n j e c t i o n s (into the effected area) if needed. Surgery is not an option now, but may be something I will need to consider down the road. The doctor believes most (if not all) my pain is a direct result of this condition.

I was secretly hoping for a "quick fix" for all my pain. But, there's some relief knowing it wasn't all in my head - there's truly an answer to why I've had to suffer so much and for so long.

God's Promises

One of the daily devotionals from J o e l O s t e e n touched my heart this week.
I thought I'd post it on my blog... as a reminder to me ... and hopefully many of you who are waiting.

Quote:

Today's Word

Is there something you are believing God for? Does it seem like it’s taking a long time to come to pass? Be encouraged today! The Bible says that through faith and patience you will inherit the promise. You can trust that God’s Word is true. Submit your prayers to the Lord, and keep an attitude of faith and expectancy. Keep asking. Keep seeking. Keep knocking on the door, and it will be opened to you. It may seem like it’s taking a long time, but know this: God is working behind the scenes on your behalf. He is orchestrating things in your favor. He is perfecting whatever concerns you. Don’t give up! Start thanking God for His faithfulness in your life. As you stay faithful in your prayers and thanksgiving, the Lord will move mightily on your behalf. He’ll take you places that you’ve never dreamed, and you will live the life of victory He has in store for you!

For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened” (Matthew 7:8).

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Happy Valentine's Day. . .

I love Valentine's Day - it's so simple and sweet! The children at day care had a great time. Lots of goodies and sweets. BT brought me roses, a card and Tic Tacs!

I'm doing pretty good with maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle. Although I am getting in my walks (20 minutes/day 5-7 times a week), drinking water, taking vitamins, etc.. I am struggling with healthy food choices. However, I am rather proud of my accomplishment to avoid artificial sweetners. I miss them, but I am doing ok. I met a Health Care Counsultant at the mall tonight (while out walking) who told me the best thing I could do to help control my blood is to take cinnamon capsules. She was very knowlegable and helpful. I find it interesting how sometime God conveniently places just the right people in our path.

On the Adoption: I spoke to our cw on Monday morning. BT and I have been tossing about the idea of keeping the baby home for the first year or so. With his latest job change, although the hours are awful and the TV station is taking advantage of him, it will be possible. She suggested we make the change in our profile. But, she also told me that it really hasn't been an issue. She said they (the agency) and bmoms have found it to be a positive thing that I would be right there at the day care.

But now ....there's a possibility things may be changing at Day Care...so I am not sure we should make the change just yet. I've had some possible business opportunities the past few weeks. I won't get into them this early on. There are a lot of questions to be answered and kinks to be ironed out. If you are a prayful person, please keep this in your prayers.


“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord “plans to prosper you and not to harm you plans for hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV)

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Wellness!

Tomorrow is THE DAY -

I've made a commitment to change my way of life, starting tomorrow (2/11).

I need to be a healthier ME ... and only I can make it happen. But, my dear blog readers, I will need your support.

I am promising to walk 5-7 times a week. . . eat healthy . . . drink water . . . take vitamins . . . NOT consume artificial sweetners (I'd kill for a diet Pepsi right now). . . get the appropriate amount of sleep . . . and pray more!

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Let it begin..... Anyone care to join me?

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"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philipians 4:13

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I've Been Tagged!

RULES:

I've been tagged by Colette!! Please visit her at http://wearenow3.blogspot.com/

Once tagged, link back to the person who tagged you. Post the rules on your blog. Post 7 random or weird facts about yourself on your blog. Tag 7 people and link to them. Comment on their blog to let them know they have been tagged.

7 Random or Weird Facts About Me:

1. Spiders scare me! I scream and yell for Brian! If he's not home, I am in big trouble.

2. I am a night owl.

3. Unlike Colette, I love to be alone! I love being with BT just as much - but my alone time is wonderful, too!

4. I always wear socks!

5. I hate getting my haircut!

6. I will not leave the house without a shower first!

7. I love to talk on the phone.

Bonus: I LOVE COFFEE

I am tagging:

1. Anne . . . . . . . http://annabellz-livetolearn.blogspot.com/

2. Camille . . . . . http://inmommyland.blogspot.com/

3. Dale . . . . . . . .http://blueyes113.wordpress.com/

4. Kathy . . . . . . http://kathyskorner4.blogspot.com/

5. Mandy . . . . .http://the-joys-of-asha.blogspot.com/

6. Ragan . . . . . .http://crazythinglove.blogspot.com/

7. Robin . . . . . . http://mommy2ablessing.blogspot.com/

BONUS: Stephanie . . .http://garcias2chile.blogspot.com/

A Welcomed Call From Our Agency

Tuesday morning, I woke to the sound of the telephone ringing. I missed it. Immediately, my cell rang. This time I got to it on time. On the other end was the adoptive parent caseworker for our agency. The call was short, simple and sweet. But ... of course welcomed.

She asked "IF I had a situation where the birthfather is "unknown", would you and Brian be okay with it". Of course, I said "Yes"! It caught me by surprise because there have been other similiar situations in the past and she knew then we were ok with it. I am thinking they must have to ask each time, since it does say "Little or No Birthfather Risk" in our preferences.

Although she worded it with a big "IF" it was pretty clear she is currently working on a situation and will be showing our profile.

I promised myself I WOULD NOT get too hopeful. Yeah, right....
I am doing better than in the past, but of course it's in the back of my mind. And, in a way it pulled me out of th slump where I was not allowing myself to think like an waiting adoptive Mommy.

What a mix of emotion.

I may and may not hear more from her. But, it can't hurt to pray - and ask for your prayers!

Chocolate Cake & Wellness!

It's nearing midnight, I am exhausted, but waiting for a chocolate butter cake to come out of the oven! Tomorrow is my business partner's birthday so I am making her a delicious cake! She loves my creamy, butter frosting.

Today was a long, long day. I woke up with horrendous back pain on Saturday. Literally nursed it all weekend and I am still in pain. So, I went to the chiropractor today. He got good movement, but the pain is still pretty bad. The spine doctor gave me a prescription, which is helping better than the over-the-counter remedies I was trying. I also found out the insurance company approved my lumbar MRI and Physical Therapy. Next step, call to make the appointments.

We had staff training tonight. The class was on "Wellness". I found it very interesting and learned a few new things. For one, I need to eat healthier (although I make better choices than the majority of the women in the class) and cut back on artificial sweetners.
Second, I need to get more exercise, at least 20 minutes a day, 5 - 7 days a week. Third, Vitamin D, Magnesium and Acidophilus would be very good for me. Fourth, I need to make some changes and take care of me!!

Somehow it's now 1:30 AM - I am off to bed. Tomorrow, I'll post about the phone call that woke me this morning.

My Birthday Cupcakes!

These are the cupcakes my nieces, Cortlynn and McKenna made for my birthday! I think they did a phenominal job, don't you? The best news, they tasted even better!!

Happy Birthday To ME!

Today is my favorite day of the year - my BIRTHDAY!
I'm getting older - that I do not celebrate. I celebrate because it's my day! The day my Mamma brought me into the world - the one day a year I can call mine! Some say I am just like a kid - but that's ok - it only happens once a year!

Not sure what the plans are for the day - but I am sure we'll be spending time with family.
My nieces were hard at work last night making me very special cupcakes. I understand they got pretty creative. I'll have to take pictures to share on my blog!

Thanks for the sweet comments in response to my last post! It is good to be back - and I am gonna try to take better care of this blog. . . . . .

Please Forgive Me!

I have seriously neglected my blog - and more importantly my blog friends. And, for that I am sorry. The sad part is - I can come up with a gazillion excuses, but really not one good reason. So, please, just forgive me.

I can't really complain. I am doing okay.

I'll admit - it took me a long time to get back up and brush off my pants after the failed match we experienced in September. To make matters worse- we hear nothing - nada - zilch- from our adoption agency. It is my opinion it stinks! Do they think adoptive parents need NO support? How much would it hurt to call once in a while - with agency up-dates and support? It's so hard because I like the agency so much.

We find we don't speak of the adoption on a daily basis like we used to. Just this week BT left me a note and in it he said "I've noticed you don't speak of the adoption anymore. You haven't given up, have you?". I am still searching for the right answer to that question.

Business is steady. But, we really need an increase! We're busy developing new plans and programs all the time. I really love my job - it's just time for some changes.

I've been sick. Shortly before Christmas, I started with sinus congestion, in January I developed a sinus infection and bronchitis. After a round of zithromax, I was still having problems - my throat would swell, causing a great deal of throat and ear pain. Next I took a round of prednisone. I am at the tail end of prednisone and still getting sore throats and headaches.

So, as you can see - there's really no big news to share. . . except that I am back and promise to be more faithful.

(((((Hugs)))))

Let it snow! Let is snow! Let it snow!

Like everyone else in the northeast, we're in the midst of a snow storm. It's been coming down steady for over 24 hours. It's not supposed to let up for a while. It's a pretty snow, at least. The kind that falls like sugar and sparkles like diamonds! We're going to have a white Christmas, afterall. That makes ME very HAPPY!

So my sister, Donna, decides to brave the elements and take the girls to the park for pictures. They turned out REALLY nice. For your enjoyment .....

It's Been A While....

It's been a while since I posted. And, for that I apologize. I am alive and well! And I am sure I have a lot of catching up to do on all your blogs! I've really missed my blog friends, alot. Thanks to everyone who sent little notes checking up on me.

Basically, once we found out we weren't bringing home the September baby, I started to avoid anything "adoption". Thus, it became difficult for me to keep up on my blog. In many ways, I am still avoiding "adoption" of any sort. Most days it doesn't seem like a reality anymore and hope doesn't exist.

It's been over 12 weeks since our caseworker gave me the sad news. I have heard nothing from her since. . . NOTHING. I respect our agency and all the workers, therefore, I am trying very hard not to think negative thoughts. BUT - telling a couple they aren't getting a baby they had high hopes and not following up, to me, is very poor. I simply cannot wrap my brain around why they don't put effort into keeping communication open between themselves and hopeful, adoptive couples.

So, we've been busy doing other things.. .. working hard, going out, doing things around the house, etc.

That's my adoption up-date. Wish I had better news to share.

Halloween 2007

We took a lickin' and kept on tickin'! :-)

I am still out here! I've been trying to live my life as close to "normal" as possible and not dwell so much on the adoption. Truthfully, this last situation knocked the wind out of our sails. We're discouraged, I'll admit it. It's kinda hard to believe it will ever happen. Last week we passed the 4 year mark, since visiting our agency for the first time.

A dear and caring friend contacted us a few weeks back asking for a copy of our profile (thanks Donna) to pass along to her attorney. It's a good feeling to know it's also in the hands of a attorney who specializes in adoption and not just our agency.

All we can do is wait - just as we have in the past.

We've been busy - very busy. We had relatives come up from Kentucky & Indiana. What a great time we had. We had a wedding to attend - another great time catching up with old friends. I've been amazingly busy at work. We're enjoying some stupendous Fall weather! WNY doesn't usually get this lucky. The temperatures have been great! Looking forward to some great foliage this week and next. We're celebrating our 6th wedding anniversary this weekend. Not sure how- but I am sure whatever we do it will be special. We need it.

I am very behind on all the blogs I read. I may have to just jump back in and move forward. So, if you have some news I might like to hear, please let me know!

I have some apples I need to do something with. If anyone has any great recipes, pass them on! I'll be forever grateful.

My brother sent me some great new pix of my nephew - I just have to include them in this post.

Notes From BT

Going through such a tough time, I am reminded of how much I love my dear husband, BT.

The night we received the sad news, he left me a note before leaving for work.

It read:

"Tonight you told me why we're probably not getting the baby. I know this just broke your heart. It's breaking mine, too. We need to put some hope into this situation. I know there's not much. But, there's just enough chance that I do not want to give up. If God or the lawyers don't get through to him, I will still pray for our baby. No, I don't want more heartache or false starts, I want a baby. I am willing to go through more of these to get our little one. I'll be here for you- please stay here for me. I love you forever! XOXOXOXO BT"

Tonight, he left me another note.

It read:

" I love you because you still dream! I love you because you have faith and love. I have hope. You told me today about your dream, that showed me you have hope, too. Stick with your hopes and dreams - and stick with me!
Promise? XOXOXOXOX Brian "

He's so brave! And I am so in love with him. :-)

Last Night I Dreamt....

Last night I had a dream. A long dream. You know the type, you wake up and when you fall back to sleep you're right back in the dream? It was beautiful, so realistic.

BT and I brought home a baby girl, we named Molly Jayne. She was tiny, with darker hair and perfectly round, vibrant dark eyes. We were in love.

She was a good baby. I worried I wouldn't feed her enough or change her often because she rarely fussed. The only time she fussed was if we tried to give her to someone else to hold, she would stiffen those tiny legs and fuss so we'd keep her in our arms. Of course, I loved every minute of that.

I was holding her up, talking to her and referred to myself as "Mommy" for the first time. I paused to remember how right that sounded, so natural - and I could finally say it.

I was keeping a journal for her, writing down special things about her. The last thing I remember was telling her I was going to write a journal entry about how beautiful her eyes were.

I swear, I felt the connection, the bond, between her and I, IN A DREAM.

I didn't want to wake up today.

Sunday Night

It's Sunday night. We needed the weekend, the quiet . . . it helped. We're better tonight. We've had a lot of support - friend/family who cried right along with us, who felt our pain and sympathized with us.

I had a tremendous amount of support from BT. Although his heart is breaking, right along with mine, he's been there for me through every tear and doubt.
I love him so much!!!

It would of been so easy to lose hope, to allow our faith to waver. I'll admit, we came close. But when you know the Lord - you're often reminded HE is right there and has the perfect plan for YOU. He had a reason, perhaps to spare us of heartaches down the road. We may never know. What we do know is that we are looking forward to the day we will bring a baby home.
Perhaps that day will be sooner than we think. Perhaps we'll wait a while again.

We went to church again today. I thought it would be difficult. It was fine, actually.

Perhaps we're facing a better week ahead -I hope so.

Waiting, again ....

She returned my call.

Most of it is a blur.

The Director of the agency told her to tell me it is not looking good. They spoke to the attorney before calling me. Apparently, he spoke to the bfather several times (as did the agency) and he is not cooperating with the adoption plan AT ALL. It would take a miracle for things to turn around.

Although I wished I hadn't, I asked if she had the baby. She said "Patti, I was hoping you wouldnt ask that, she had the baby and it is in our care". That stung! How horrible! The baby is here- and we are ready and willing to bring it home. BUT, because he won't cooperate, the baby is in a TLC home. It's just not right!

What is going to happen to this precious baby? Since the baby is in the custody of our agency, I am assuming the mother signed at the hospital. But, she believes she may have to keep the baby, if he doesn't turn around.

So, we're waiting again -

I feel so let down - my whole world is tipped up-side down. BT is sad.

Giving up seems so much easier.

Adoption Talk

Since we have entered a new phase in the adoption process (from "waiting" to "chosen") I have also found a new adoption forum full of wonderful women from all aspects of the triad!
It's rather exciting to meet new people - and to learn so much from them.

Between forums and blogs and e-mail and chat - I am spending way too much time on-line.
I really should be cleaning and organizing and preparing for the baby. But - I am guarding my heart - not knowing for sure what the outcome is going to be. And I am simply enjoying all my internet friends. Who ever would of thunk it? ;)

In the meantime, one day soon, my world is going to take some serious turns. I'll be asking myself - "Why didn't I prepare?"

I Called The Agency :-)

I had a thought, to just go ahead and call the agency this morning. Before I changed my mind, I called. Wouldn't you know, our SW called in sick? :-( I spoke to a very nice woman at the front desk who is going to let her know I called for an up-date! So, fingers crossed, we may hear something this week afterall.

In other news, I saw the endocrinologist yesterday. The nodule on my thyroid is very small and the lab results are all within normal range. For now, she will keep an eye on it, repeating the ultrasound in one year.

Work is very busy today - as we are short by one staff member. I better get back to my duties.

Flying Ace

My nephew is loving PURDUE UNIVERSITY and LOVES to FLY! :-)

Nursery Window Treatments

OK, I thought I would wait, but decided to show off my window treatments! I am so proud of them....and can't wait to finish the rest of the room. I just had to share them with all of you!

One week later ....

A week is a long time (for me) to go without posting a blog entry. I've had good intentions. But, honestly, the adoption is taking up most of my brain space. And, being that there is no news, it's tough. I have mixed feelings about not hearing from them. I love our agency, I love the people and I love their philosophy. But she has not been consistent with me and that is troubling.

We completed the window treatments in the nursery - which is one task off my list. I think they look fabulous. I thought about posting pix, but I think I'll wait until the room is complete.

I am embarrassed to admit this publicly, but BT and I had fallen out of our usual church routine. We estimated we hadn't been to our home church in about 17 months. We've both struggled with it and agreed we need to be involved in a good, Bible believing church with the baby.
So, we went back to the church I grew up in and we were married in. It was great to see everyone - and alot of changes. My sister and her family go there, so naturally our nieces were thrilled to be with us. After church we went to their house for sandwiches and chili. Yum!
So, we're praying about where God wants us. If this is where HE wants us, we'll stay - and BT says he may even join the choir. :-) I am glad we went - it's definitely the best way to start your week. Oh, it's a smaller church, but I did "peek" and see there are little ones in the nursery ;).

No News May Be Good News?

Robin suggested "NO NEWS may be GOOD NEWS". I hope she's right! It's been a long, hard weekend - just wondering why we are not hearing from anyone.

I am not sure how long they have to find him. But I do know that he has up to 18 mths. before the judge will terminate his right, in the event they do not locate him prior to placement.

I am not "banned" from calling the agency. But, I need to respect their policies. The truth is, had they not needed to talk to me about the bfather risk, I would have no idea we were chosen.

And so.... as we begin a new week, perhaps this will be the week we'll hear more.

In the meantime, I continue praying:

1. For our birth mother - a safe delivery and peace upon making her final decision.


2. For our birth father - he will be comfortable and cooperative with her plan.

3. For our agency and all the wonderful staff.

4. For us ... as we wait to bring our forever baby home.

5. For a short wait between the birth and judical surrender.

6. Above all - for the sweet little baby we are all anxiously awaiting! :-)

2 weeks down ...

It's been 2 weeks since we found out we were chosen.

We're dying to know how things are going with the bfather- but the phone remains silent.

I am "thinking" this is a good sign. If he was not cooperating, I would "think" we would of been informed of the risks. Unless, they are having trouble finding him or getting a reply? Something tells me it's the later of the two.

God Does The Impossible

"There are miracles that happen all the time - like Moses parting the Red Sea - and every once in a while God does something really impossible just to remind us that's He is God. He changes somebody's heart."

I read this in a book today, written by Michael*McLean. The words touched my heart so deeply, as I am going through a very rough time. This is my prayer - that God will change someone's heart.